Monday, May 14, 2012


A final posting on this blog to let all those who knew and loved my dad that he finally lost his brave fight against cancer last Friday afternoon. It took a long time to beat him but there was no escape in the end. I am so proud of his bravery and selflessness throughout. He was a very special man and as the hole he has left behind begins to open up, we will all have to try our hardest over time not to fall in too deep.

If you want to join us to celebrate his life, the funeral has been arranged for Friday 18 May at Linn Crematorium, going on to Cowglen golf club afterwards.

Thanks, Phyl xx

(Maybe I should add three commas at the end - just to make this posting feel more authentic? ,,,)

Thursday, March 01, 2012

My Old Pal

I have a friend. He's 80 past ; how I'll never know !
You see, he has an eating disorder. This takes the form of, eh, having a very restrictive diet !
His problem is ; His Mammy didn't skelp his arse when he was a we'an ! That is, the silly woman let this small infant kid dictate what he would & wouldn't eat ,,, Apparently it all started when she once tried to force him to eat Porridge as a wee boy ! ( only oor bloody National staple !)
Anyway this manifests itself today ( and all the days I've known him !" ) into fetishes like ,,,
Oh I don't like that !  To wit my reply is, ( ALWAYS )  but have you ever tried it ?
And strangely enough the answer is ( ALWAYS ) ,, eh, naw, I just know I wouldn't like it !!  Save me !!
He'll take HP sauce if it's out of the original GLASS bottle but absolutely not if it comes from a plastic version ,,, or worse, if someone should put it into a dainty little sauce dish !
He'll eat nothing that smacks of "FOREIGN" ,, try explaining to him that spaghetti is just mince with a little pasta ,, and you get the inevitable Ooooh yuk ,, This man has served his country and gone thro' a world war in the ARMY and still will eat ONLY, mince &  totties, fish & chips, Steak-pie, or chicken !   Even the company Seargent Major couldn't dent his fads !! ( so why the hell do I try ? )
Anyway, as a wee throwaway final comment on his eating disordeer ( now there's a Fraudien slip if ever I saw one ,, Venison ,, Oooo yuk ,, a'll no' eat that kind o' muck he'd say !!
The beloved & I had  him over for dinner the other night.
We stuck with the simple, traditional, steak-pie, tatties & peas .,., Yo a winner !
Followed that with  a simple scoop of ice ctream and a couple of peach halves ,, from a tin !
Ooooh, whit's that ? he asks ,,,  Peaches says I.
I've never tried them he admits ????
Eh, 80, and never tasted a tinned fruit ?
Aye thtat's right he says .,.,
Jesus, I'm livid by now ,,,, JUST BLOODY CUT A SLICE & TRY IT I commanded !!
God bless him, he did his best but at the 2nd. bite he boacked !!
I only like Apples or Oranges he finally confessed ( on the fruit front that is ! )
So the beloved being who she is dived off thro' the kitchen and produced a tin of Mandarin ORANGES ! Ha, success I thought ,,,
Oooooh, whit's THAT he says ,,, Jesus suffering .,.,.,.,  It's WEE oranges says I ,,,
Aye but I don't eat anything foreign ,, you know that Dougie ,,,
Whit the hell's foreign about Mandarin Oranges I finally blurt out ,, choking on my anger !
Chinese he says ,,, MANDARIN ,,, OI couldnae eat CHINESE ,,,,
I rest my case
If you would like to vote that Jim's Mammy has a sin to answer fior & should have given him a sore bum before he reached school age reply to "Dougie's Blog "!!!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Do you or did you LIKE your parents ?

Now there's a thought to waken you at 4-30am
I hadn't been dreaming ( as far as I know ) but suddenly, there it was !
And a big question is is too don't you think ?
My mum died when I was about 25 ... so I've been without her for a long, long time, about 45 years in fact !
I missed her terribly at first ,, still do actually ,, I would love to have her back, even if only to chat for a day, but alas life doesn't work that way !
However, when I awoke this morning with Mum in my mind, I got to wondering ,, did I like her ,, I really don't remember !  I'm sure I loved her dearly but ,,, did we like one another or did we just exist as a family unit with little real ties other than blood ?
She was a good mum ,, this I'm sure of ,,, ( not a great cook as I recall but her heart was in it !" )
She did all the pre-requisite mum things ,, put me to bed ( with a story ? ) got me up for school, washed me, fed me, kissed me when I fell over & hurt myself, but, I still wonder ,,,, did she like me ? But more important at this point in my discussion ( admittedly only with myself ! ) did I like HER ?

Then there was dad ! Quite a hard guy to actually love but a great larger-than-life, happy-go-lucky sort of projection he came across as ,,,, outside the family. Oh don't get me wrong ,, Big Wullie wsn't any kind of Ogre or anything at home but he was quite hard work !  Now, was that because of him ,, or me ?  Maybe he wasn't all that keen on me as a person ,, again I don't know, not really. And I'm not all that sure whether I really liked him either ? Strange ,,, he was my dad so I must have ?? surely ??

Life was different back in the 50's ,, people didn't dare bare their souls to one another then as they might now ? My own dear wife I'm sure had similar reservations about her given folks but I would never dream of putting words in her mouth regarding her feelings for them !

Back to me & mine ,,, After mum died, dad ( understandably ) became somewhat morose ! No longer the happy guy with a beer & a song . He later found a wee wuman who did him no good whatsoever and, truth be told she ruined any chance of a son/dad love/like relationship.

The question remains then :- Did I like my folks or were they just the people I was required to live with 'til I grew up and moved home ?

Now before I get any strange comments on this blog posting ,,, this is NOT a "phishing" blog !
I know exactly how I feel about my kids & grandkids and how they feel about me ( for we talk & tell each other ) so I'm not looking for any kind of feedback here guys !  ok ?

Oh shit ,,, do I REALLY know how they feel about me ?????????

Friday, December 16, 2011

I .... am an Artist !

Somewhere, way down deep in my psyche, nae, my soul, I am an artist.
My soul is not of the religious variety, but is a real part of my being !
It keeps me sane most of the time but can drive me too, to a near suicidal desperation when at my lowest ebb.
My dear friend and lifelong buddy George is one of the only people who know this.
I am wracked with artistic leanings, if not the talent to support them !
Oh to have walked the hallowed ground of  University and studied for an Arts degree, Fine Arts, rather than spend nights at college working my way through Electrical Engineering claptrap for useless qualifications ?
I am a frustrated writer, poet, painter, musician, photographer and George listens when I spout on these very real longings. George is almost a brother to me. 
No, he's much more than that ,,, he's that younger sibling, lost all those years ago, when I was so young. George understands me, like only a true friend can.
We have these wonderful, long talks in the car coming home from a day's golf outing, and he listens,, he really listens.
I read, ( I'm devouring books at a rate since my illness & our Scottish winter weather has confined me indoors), I write, and not only this bloggy stuff ,,, I attempt serious writing too, but then I read Emile Zola, Charles Dickens The Bronte girls, Jane Austen, Robt. Louis Stevenson and the like, and I despair again ,.,.,.
I have such a need inside me ,, a want to nurture my soul ?
I played piano to a fairly high level when a boy but then abandoned it ,,,, what sheer criminal neglect ! 
I must get back to my music learning, and soon. 
I long to attempt painting ,,,, I have a love of  The Impressionist painters and long to "try my hand" at their style .,., I've chosen my camera as a starting idea to emulate these guys .,.,., I do want to someday actually apply paint to canvas but for now I'm attempting to learn the Impressionist "method" using my digital SLR .,.,
I know this is possible ,, even old Zola had the knack ,, and he did it back in the mid 1800's with far less sophisticated photo equipment to mine !  So watch out for a photographic breakthrough, coming soon to a gallery near you !!
My soul is screaming not to be starved.  I need to feed this passion.
But back to my friend .,., George knows & appreciates my deepest thoughts, my deep love of family & friends, the real me .,., he sees the artist in me fighting for release.
For my part I see George as a great part of "my family" .,.,  and to that end this week I send him my love ,,, for we celebrate with him another .,.,., eh, Big Birthday. 
Many Happy Returns pal .... You have been & still are a Rock to me.  
I raise my glass  to you .,.,

Thursday, December 08, 2011

A Sort of Poem ?

Ode Tae a Wee Bastard !
( The 3-C’s .,., Colonic Cancer Cells or as Emile Zola might have called them ... A Bunch of Cunts ! )

Gaun a wee conivin, sleekit, cowerin’ bastard !Whit? Yer no’ cowerin’ ??
Well ye bloody should be ..
‘Cause I’m fightin ye all the way ,,
A'm laughin' in yer face, there’ll be nae surrender frae me ,,
But if they finally dae cart me away, jist you know ,,,
There’s mair o' me comin’ !
And we’re efter YOU, scum-bag
So beware ya wee shite .. eventually we’re gonna WIN !

So here’s that first laugh in yer face ....

Diarre.. ah ... Fur a ye.. ah ?
Isnae hauf funny ye know
It’s sair arse & piles’s ointment and creams ..
It's runnin' like hell tae the loo
In fact, it’s nae fun at aw !

Diarre...ah, fur jist six months
Might be twice as good ?
Mibbies aye & mibbies naw ?
Or mibbie ah mean hauf as bad ?

For even wan month
Ah could jist aboot stool it !!
Nae problem at aw
But it’s a month wi'oot joy fur ma arse !

Noo a week ... A week ah could dae,
Staunin’ oan ma heid
Oh shit, Mibbie no’ ,, Jist sit on ma bum !

But wait, awthing’s gaun quite quiet on thon rear, Southern front
Ah huvnae moved fur some days
A’m sitting here pushin' like hell
Aw shite, Constipation's back wi’ a bung !!


Another Sort of a Poem

One for my beloved, darling wife.

I want your hand
To be the last hand
My hand ever feels

I want your face
To be the last face
My old eyes ever see

I want your kiss
To be the last kiss
On my ever willing lips

I want your smile
To be that last smile,
For how you can smile,
That smile that hasn’t changed in all our years together ...
I love you with all my heart & soul

Gary Speed .....

Aren't y'all thoroughly sick of the non stop nonsense constantly being banded about regarding Gary Speed ? We've had a minute's silence and a further round of clapping at every damned football match since his "untimely death !" WHY ?
The guy was not a hero. Certainly NOT in my eyes anyway.
He was a selfish, obviously uncaring individual who chose the coward's way out of whatever was bothering him. He left his wife with no explanation, and worse, his kids with no father at the time in their young lives when they most need one. He's also, lest we forget, commited a criminal act, an act against God too, if you're into such beliefs ,,,, I mention this merely because every other footballer is forever crossing himself on the field of play for one thing or another ,,, so why are these "oh so religious" guys not offended ?  Why are they standing there clapping this man who didn't even have the decency to explain his actions ??
And it's not over yet ,,, after what seems like a fortnight of this adulation we are now to get an "official" send off from all in sundry at his funeral !
Am I the only person in the country to see this and ask questions ? Or are all his footy buddies just being carried away with the sentimentality of it all ,.,. frightened to speak out ?
Sorry, but I'm not, and don't expect any minute's silence or clapping from me.
Gary, sorry but you were a poor imitation of a man as far as I'm concerned.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

The Good Doc !

The old saying is true you know ,, It's NOT what you know in this ole world, it's WHO you know !
We have a Doc. the beloved & I .,., One of the Good guys ( maybe a Good Fellah even ? Ooohhh )
He was first introduced to us by the daughter .,., an old school friend of hers ,,, if a tad older ! ( she made me put that in John :) ) but very quickly became a friend to us all .,., a saviour maybe ?  but not in the Biblical sense !! I'm not that way inclined.  In our hour of greatest need he was there ,, and he's stayed there ever since those initial awful diagnoses.  He's promised to be there right to the end & I have no reason to believe otherwise ...a big, cheery, wacky, pun Lord and now the proud owner of something of a FARM !
Boasting about his chicks, his cows, goats, quails even, his general animal farm got my mouth watering at the talk of his FRCE's (Free Range Chickens Eggs) ,,, the likes of which he said we'd NEVER tasted before !
Being about time for a wee blether ( eh, I mean Medical Consultation ) up we went a couple of days ago to see Bones, the Man !  He's promise me btw ( or was that threatened ) that my prognosis of a few months, back last Sept. will be fought by him & I ,, 'Til Death, as they say :(   ,,
So far we're doing well ,, 12-months on ... And together we're going for a new record of 5 / 6 years.
To this end since my appetite can vary quite a bit these days ,, from nothing ( well there's always the energy milk shakes ... YUK  !!   to a nice, if small steak, mushrooms & chips ! )  Bones obviously thought ( with a little helpful dig from myself via facebook ) that what I needed was a really exquisite meal so, as we entered the hallowed consulting room what do you think the mad fool had waiting .,.,., Yep, half a dozen of the finest white & brown FRC eggs on the planet !
And wow, were they good ... NOPE, they were GREAT !
Thanks John ,,,and thanks too to Cinders, ( a White Star indeed )  Roastie, Nugget, or even the Brown Leghorn .,., much appreciated girls, and John, don't think twice if these fine gals start to over produce at any time !
I'm even prepared to sample Dan Quail's output ?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Feral, adj, Wild !

What's with these new fangled words ?
A year ago I'd never heard the word FERAL before in my entire life ,, and that's been a while now !
Nowadays you can't avoid it ,, feral children, feral dogs, cats, gardens, you name it everydamnthing has suddenly become .,.,., WILD !
I know I shouldn't ask, since I have a daughter Lexicographer who is, in fact, responsible for such additions / subtractions to our language ,, but I will anyway...
Who decides, and on just what basis, to add / subtract new & old words from our everyday already wonderful language?
To whoever it is I say .,.,., Bugger off -- Leave our English alone ya interfering shower !
Wild is more than adequate to describe ,, WILD !
For some people English is already difficult enough !

Here's a wee add on to this blog to illustrate my point ,,,
Phyl, the beautiful daughter, was once "involved" with the Police ,,, Can't remember if she was a witness to something or if someone had driven into the back of her car ,, I checked & someone indeed had banged into her beloved little Italian Chuggy Fiat 500.
A young Bobby, let's call him PC Dumb, was allocated at the scene to take her details ,,,
He started in the usual fashion ,, Name please ?.,.,.,.,
Phyllis she replied ,,
Right that's FIL,, eh how do you spell that name  ..   Try PHY.... officer she said.
Ok Surname ?,,, Buchanan .,., OK, right .. That's eh, BUCK,,  eh can you spell that please miss !
Occupation ?  he asks next  ,,,, At this point the we'an, having got the measure of her man, decided on her career title Sunday name ,,,,
Eh I'm a Multi-Lingual Lexicographer, she replied    :)
At this juncure in proceedings PC Dumb looked like he might actually cry ,,, gave up the ghost, tore the paper out his pad & crumpled it into the nearest bin ,,,,
Maybe you should come down to the station Miss & explain it all to the Sarge !!

So, albeit our Coppers are possibly a little on the thick side, can you smart Alex's leave our language alone ,,,
If you check you'll find out that the Feral word appears only in the Collins English dictionary ,,, there's no mention of such an abomination in either the Scots gem or indeed the Larger Concise Scots Dictionary.
I rest my Scottish case !

Mind Racing ?

The beloved tells me I've started talking in my sleep ( again ) !
However, this time round it appears I'm having full blown conversations with people ,,
I'm obviously getting answers to my questions as well as the reverse, while fast asleep ....
Some of these chats leave me angry, some giggling hysterically in mirth ,, but it seems quite odd to me that I should be chatting away to someone and hearing them respond without actually being aware of it all ?  (although ocassionally I wake up in the middle of such bletherings & am vaguely aware that something has been going on in the nocturnal ramblings arena )
I don't seem to get any faces ,, so I don't really know who I'm talking to !
What is causing this phenomenon I wonder ?
Naturally I have a theory !
It's this ,,, my mind is full of stuff at this time & is racing away with it all  ,, almost out of control you might say. I'm trying to come to terms with my emm, ,,,, fate I guess ? 
And more importantly, the fate of my beloved, our kids and theirs.
I'm not sure but, maybe this causes the mind to race off on it's own and plan stuff for their future ??
Or of course I could simply be an inveterate rambling old fool ?
Answers on a PC please to the usual address !