Yer other National Drink .,,. Cheers Lottie

I've just seen the new ad for Oor other National Drink ,,, made fae Girders !

And it's a new version made obviously just for Lottie ,.,. my dear grandchild ,,

Even the Snowman has fallen under her spell ,.,. he's now the bad guy !!

Ho-Ho-Ho ,,,

Lots'll just love this guy.

Meet the New Kid on the Block !

Hey, as I was saying, Glockenspiel, schmockenspiel ,.,.but couldn't figure out how to add the picture to a comment on someone else's blog !

Meet Mr. Piano Man ,.,.., or Our Very Own ,,

Leon the Rhythm ,.,.

We Arra Peoppell right enough !

Ha ! BARELY five million people living in Scotland but estimates of those claiming a Scottish identity range from 40 to 80 million. Ha I say again ! ,,, Wha's like us ,,?
What makes all these foreign Scots want to belong I wonder ?
Apart from the fact that we are the sweetest, most loveable, friendly, happy folks with the best Whisky on the planet ?
Or is it that they all want a tartan ? A kilt maybe ? A Mac in front of their name ??
Tell you what though ,,, I hope they all don't want to come and stay !!!
As I might say ,,, Bugger Off ,, There's nae room !!

As I was saying ,,,

Even wee Calvin knows better than our legislators !

What does that tell us about our modern day society ?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Bah, Humbug ,, !

So, this is Xmas ?

Hahahaha ,,, I've found a sympathetic ear ,, or something ?
Seems I've missed this for the past few years but there's a World Wide Day in my honour !
Well ok, maybe not MY honour but people like me who want a stop put to this Xmas spending nonsesnse we suffer every year ,.,.
It started out small ,, in the outbacks of Canada, but is now gathering support ,,, it's being celebrated now in more than 50 countries ,,, Ha ,,It's catching on ,, at last we have a following !
Watch out Santa ,,, we're coming to get you !!

It's True you know !

It IS true and a well kent fact to boot ,,,
"As soon as you make something idiot-proof, along comes another, new brand of idiot."
It happens in every walk of life too ,, Look at the morons who are now pursuing ASBO's like they are badges of honour ! ,.,. actually competing with one another to see who can get theirs first !! ,,, but mostly it's politicians ,.,. And of course the Law ,,
How about the boy(s) accused of murdering an innocent man walking home from the pub ,,, then for no reason the Crown Office reduce the charge to Manslaughter !!
This is 3 - young guys beating and kicking one old man to death in an unprovoked attack in the street ,,, then they let one of these idiots bugger off on hoiday to Bulgaria ?? As the son of the victim said ,, " How can the Justice system release a person accused of MURDER and then let them swan off on holiday. It's unreal. The Justice system has gone crazy ,, It's an outrage."
And who would disagree ?
So WHY is allowed to happen ?? What the hell is wrong with our politicians and judges ?
Oh, and incidentally, they got 9-years ,,, for this savage murder,,, Yeah, NINE whole years ,, and we all know what that means ,, the bastards will be out walking the streets looking for another victim in 4 !! And our law makers think this is JUSTICE ??
Jesus ... what world do they live in ?

This would pleaase the Little Darlings for sure !

Well now, here's an idea ,,, who's time has perhaps come ?
I read this at first thinking it was a fun thought ,, someone having a giggle, but maybe, just maybe, this Prof has got it dead right ? It's certainly worth a try ,.,. might just improve our current Asbo seeking teen cult if they learned what they wanted to learn ?
Anyway I like this kind of "off the wall" lateral thinking !
Any of you Academics out there agree ??

Don't you just love these modern day Highwaymen ?

Stand and Deliver !
Now it's bloody Scottish Power that are shafting us ,, yet again !
How can these buggers justify all the crippling rises they're putting on our bills and then come up with this kind of report ?
Oh, silly me ! I forgot, they're about to be "taken over" and so this report will ensure a higher price being paid and of course that in turn means the power company fat cats will now see their shares value rising thro' the roof ,.,.,. leaving them well able to afford any rises in their bills ,,,, with enough left over for the odd foreign holiday home, the Merc, etc,,,,
Again I would ask the SIMPLE question ,,, WHY is our Government allowing this daylight robbery ?

It was Inevitable of course

I know it's happened ,.,. I knew it was gonna happen ,, it was I suppose, inevitable ! Maybe it's an age thing that happens to us all sooner or later ,, or maybe it's the crass stupidity I'm surrounded by and have to listen to on a daily basis ,.,. but yeah, it's now firmly established in my psyche ,..,,. I AM a GRUMPY old man ! Hey, but proud of it ,,,, so no tears or sympathy please. Maybe just join me in condemning the seriously crazy buggers who are now all voice, in the UK in particular, but pretty well world wide too I guess ,.,.
I sited one example earlier with our stupidity over the general prison population.
I could go on ad nauseum and probably will ,,, I'll bore you all to tears .,,. but to site just a few examples of modern day silliness' ,, No not silliness but downright annoying, anger inducing stuff, I give you these ( just for starters you understand ! )
Ok, how about we start at the beginning ,,, Schools ,.,.,. The old 3-R's system of teaching with some disipline from the Teach seems to me to have produced a generation or three of reasonably intelligent adults with some respect for others ,.,. What have all the stupid changes since I left school been about ? And more importantly, what have they achieved ? We now have a huge majority of under-educated delinquents on our hands ,,, Apart from being near illiterate they now have "attitude" that would never have been allowed in my day. Ask any Cop in the street ( if you can find one on the street that is ! )
They ( the do-gooders that is ) took away the teachers, the parents, ( and the beat Polis' ) authority, left them unable to touch the little darlings and now we have total anarchy in the home, classroom and on the streets ,.,., Show me a teacher you know who doesn't want to get out ? Show me a Cop who isn't totally frustrated by the way they have been left toothless.
Then there's the Courts ,.,. Ha, talk about bloody jokes ,,,When last did you see a sentence that fitted the crime ? And now of course we also have this nonsense half time off jail sentences for ,,, eh, nothing ,,, other than because the jails are too full !
Why not use some of our unemployed, or parasite immigrants ( only those who work to get any kind of payments ?) , or even jailbirds themselves to build more jails ?
How can our law makers, lawyers and judges not see what everyone else in the country can see ?
But of course we've now got ASBO's !! Another bloody joke ,.,.,. it takes years of everyone's time and effort to get one of these actioned and then what do they do ,, they kick the offenders out ,,, yeah for a whole 3-months !! Wow ,,, what a waste of time ?
C'mon Scotland ,, waken up ,, time for the Silent Majority to stand up and be counted ?
Before it's too late ,.,.,.,.,.

Now I've REALLY heard it all !

Jesus Christ ! What is this country coming to ?
Now we're "settling out of court" with the scum of the earth ,,, I'm talking about these law breakers and ne'er do wells that we used to call prisoners in jail .,,.,. who used to get bread and water to survive on and deterrents administered so as not to offend again.
First we paid them because their sensibilities were damaged at having to slop-out .,,.
Now we're giving them money because they've got themselves banged up and we're keeping them away from their beloved Heroin !! Honest to God ,, this country is sick ,.,.
Why is this nonsense allowed ? What the hell is this Government doing sitting back and allowing this kind of stupidity to go on?
Any lawyer defending this kind of shite should be struck off.
Stop wasting the court's time I say ,, give the idiots all the bloody H they want ,,, preferably in over large dozes and save us the money in keeping the worthless bastards in jail, at our cost.
Time the silent majority in this country stood up to be counted before there's no country left.
Bring back the bread and water, the cat o' nine tails and all the rest ,, Let's clean up our country and get rid of the parasites ( both crooks and do-gooder versions )
And before you brand me a raving lunatic just ask the person sitting next to you in your office, any pub, golf club, public transport etc, and see how many agree with me.

It's a hard life ,, being a Pumpa !

I've not had such a harrowing month since my weans were .,,.,. eh, well weans.
The worry of the wee man has really affected my every waking moment ,.,. and my sleeping moments too. I don't think I've had more than 4-straight hours since Phyl came home from NYC. Funny how things like that can really get to you ,.,. I thought my worries were over when my oldest wean came home alone from the Big Apple, but alas no, they were just beginning !
I think it's been the uncertainty of it ,, not knowing what it was / is ? ,,, I think our wee guy is finally on the mend ,, at least I sincerely hope so ,, I need my sleep ! ,.,.but it has certainly done one thing for me ,, it's re-enforced my belief ( and my father's before me ) that our Doctors are about as much in the dark today as they were in the days of Burke & Hare !
My old man had a wonderul medical code that he lived by ,, He told me ,,"if an Aspirin and a wee hauf doesn't cure it then it's probably terminal !" and as I've said before ,, he was absolutely spot-on ,,, He self-cured everything he ever had ,, right up 'till the day he died !!

It Happened at the Seniors Prizegiving Night !

It started out so well ... all us good ole buddy golfers met at 5.00pm for a little aperitif and chat, after our early morning game, played for the last trophy of the season.
Dinner was set for 50-odd guys, to commence at 5.30.
The drink flowed ,,, just a pint of Guinness was my opening gambit ,,, It had been so long since my last one ,,I would maybe have a glass of wine with dinner and that ,, as they say ,, would be that ! The best laid plans eh ? ,.,.,.
Would you like a wee Glenmorangie Dougie ? someone asked ,,,, Well ok, just the one then ,,,
"Gentlemen ,,, Dinner is Served" was announced ,,, we took our drinks to our table and before even the soup had arrived there was one of those complimentary bottles of Whisky doing it's rounds ,,, And a whisky glass in front of you meant only one thing ,,, it needed topping up !
Ok then, my subconcious told me ( for I was still capable of thought at that point ! ) I'll simply give up the wine with dinner and no more Guinness of course, that would be folly indeed !
So we ate, we chatted, we told jokes ( well Willie Dickie did that ! ) we applauded the winners of all the cups and assorted trophies ( yes including mine ,,, the famous Millennium Cup came to the Scudder once again )
Then the singing began ,,, Big Ollie arrived and set up his equipment ,,, He did just the one number and then turned ghostly white and rushed off stage throwing up as he ran,.., into his infamous "Beenie Hat " ,,,,, And he's Tee-Total !!
So the night's entertainment didn't quite hit the heights of our past doo's ,,, singing became something of a challenge with no accompanist !! Nevertheless the singers came, they performed and they passed on ( most not literally of course ) ,,,,,
Some time later Ollie returned ,,, but still only a ghostly reflection of his usual self. ( He obviously wanted his money so battled on like the trouper he is ! )
By now the beer and whisky were in full flow ,,, some 11 -complimentary bottles were doing their thing ! It flowed like it was Chicago in the Prohibition era ,,,, My Guinness and whisky glasses were constantly full ,,, I could make no impression on them, much as I tried !!
Until ,,,,, I apparently decided to go ,,,, somewhere ,,, maybe the loo, maybe for a walk,,, maybe home ,,, I sure as hell don't know ,,,
Next thing I remember ??? my darling wife putting me in her car and driving me home.
Next morning I came to in bed ,,, blood all over the pillow ?? ,, a dull thought entered my head ,, I remembered falling down ... Jesus, had I maybe lost my wallet, keys, specs, out of my pocket when I tumbled over ?? Hey, did I fall or was I mugged ?? I stumbled out of bed and ran ,,, well ,,, staggered slowly to the end of the bed to check my suit pockets .,.,., Shit, empty ,,, Oh hell ,,, I now picked up pace and downstairs I rolled ,,,
Ah, heaven be praised ,,, wallet, keys, glasses ,,, all intact on the mantlepiece,,,,,, Phew !!
Back up to bed ,,,, I lay there for quite a time trying to fill in the gaps ,,, How and why did I leave the club, how did I get home ,,, no recollection of any of it ,,, last thing I remember was Jim Dowie singing one of my favourite Sinatra numbers ,,, then someone drew down the blinds .....
Oh, and I've lost my silver Cup ! The Millennium Trophy is nowhere to be found ! ( significantly however the cheque that comes with the prize was safely tucked away in the wallet ! ,,,, not totally drunk then ? )
Today ( after a yesterday spent in recovery ) I returned to the scene ,,,
It appears I was not alone ,,,, very few of my compatriots remember much of Monday night !
However a few details were filled in ,,,, another member's wife waiting in her car to pick up her drunk saw me leave ,, or try to leave ,,
Apparently I smashed my head off the metal railings at the entrance to the car park ,,, I was using my mobile 'phone at the time she said ,,,, staggering wildly back and forth and trying to hold on at the same time ,,, and after the head collided with the railings I fell over backwards ,,, ( that'll explain the sore bum then ,,, and the quite severe cut and lump on my head ! ,.,.but I managed to get up again "all by myself" ,.,. ( as a little friend of mine would say )
My friend and only sober companion of the night ( one Smackmaknee ) began to miss me after a while and spent the rest of his night looking all round the place trying to find me ,,, in all the loos, the showers, the clubhouse changing rooms, both up and downstairs, outside on the course even ! ,,, ( hey, stoopid, I didn't have my clubs with me !! ,,,,, but I had by this time disappeared ,,, and was safely tucked up in bed !
And the good news to finish ?,,, The Millennium Cup was safely locked away in the Trophy cabinet awaiting my return ,,,,,
So all's well that ends !!
And needless to say ,,,, NEVER AGAIN :)

Ho Ho, Nearly as good as the Ryder Cup ,,, Hampden becomes the Park de Triompheeeeeee ,,,, YES !

As Elvis used to say ,, aye and the great Johnny Ray long before him ,,
"It was a night ,,, Oh, What a Night it was ,, it really was, such a night !!"
I was watching it with my beloved ( and half French ) grandchildren ,,, their Mommy having deserted them for the high life in NYC and their Papa for work ( or maybe he just had a premonition of the doom that was to come ? ) ,,,,
The littler one, the fabulous and unique Charlotte was easily converted from her stance ,,,
" France will win 3-2 ,,, to ,, well I don't really care anyway ,, I'll play with my wee cousin Gordon ,,, Oh and it's too warm in here ,, I'm just gonna take off this Zidane football top !! "
Marcel however, the older and wiser, would not be moved ,,, "We'll thrash your Scotland team Pumpa, he told me ,, 6-0 was his opening gambit as he came in the door ,,,, that was modified at half time to, well maybe 3-0 ,,, then it was out and out defiance as desperation set in ,,, well 1-0 then he told me ,, chin thrust out in my face ,,,
UNTIL, that fateful moment when Scotland stood the world on it's head ,,,
We went into the lead ,,, I leapt out of my chair screaming ,,,Yabadabadooo we ara peepelll ,,,
Just about in time I turned to see the wee man ,,, devastated, alone with all these heathens, and with the lower lip all a quiver ,,, but defiant still ,, and French to the core for the full 20 remaining minutes.
When the referee blew that final whistle he was so brave ,,, fighting hard to keep the tear from his wee eye he hissed at me ,,," Just wait 'till we get you in Paris Pumpa ! "
I tried hard not to show it ,, but he's got me really worried !!

"If we quit voting, will they all go away?"

A car bumber sticker I saw that says it all for me !
But seriously, isn't it high time that Politicians were made responsible for their outbursts ,,, BY LAW ? I mean, if lies in office were made punishable by jail ,,, that would rid us of both the Labour and Tory parties right away ,,, but it might also make the bastards stop and think before opening their gobs ? However it's still not as good a cure as the old maxim ,,,
Anyone who expresses a wish to go into politics should be forever banned from doing so !
And so say all of us ?
A wee joke to underline my opinion of Politicians Country Politics :

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate.
Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

Bang !

Now hear this :
A story in The Herald last week – about soldiers claiming compensation for the excessive noise caused by their guns – reminded a reader of Brigadier Howard Jordan, former chief executive of Scottish Engineering, and an army career man, who assured him that the ailment soldiers got from firing rifles was called gunner ear !! I would have thought, after repeating the name of the ailment quickly, that it seemed a wee bit of an anti-social sort of complaint. But then again, they are soldiers and I suppose it is a little anti social to shoot people ?!!

Another Slow News Day ?

Now you must have seen the Baby ASBO story ,,, surely you didn't miss this one ?
The bloody world's gone stark staring barking, and right over the cuckoo's nest ,.,.,
The Holyroo' doos were one thing but this one is just mental ,.,.
Seems that if your Mammy isn't good to you when you're a wean ,,, the "powers that be" can get your ASBO ready for when you hit your teenage years !! Christ isn't science wonderful these days ?
Go on I dare you ,,
Have a go at the readers comments ,.,. if you have a day to spare ! I've never seen more than a couple of dozen comments before but these two "stories "this week have broken the mould !!.....
And I haven't included MINE !!
Do at least get to the one from "Dr. Holmes' mum " !!

So did we all read about the Holyrood Doos ?

Talk about a quiet news day !
Anybody see the LEAD article in the Scotsman this past week ?
Hahahahaha, it would be so much funnier if it wasn't OUR bloody money they were talking about. However it's a MUST read ,,, especially the readers comments ,,, and if we're picking out a winner on that score it just has to be the one from Frank S ,,,, well Mmmm maybe ,,, but then again there's also Philip with his PMD's !!
Go on, read them all, you know you want to ?
It's absolutely wonderful ,,.. a good belly-laugh out loud guaranteed !

Did I mention that we'd WON in Ireland ?

Well, " that was the weekend that was !" Last weekend that is !
What a brilliant display ,,, even as Captain wee Woosie turned out to be ok after all, :o) Well he WAS good with the Champers & Guinness !!
A truly fantastic performance by every last one of our guys ,,, not least our own Monty, the Pied Piper, leading us all the way, and Darren, what an brilliant but highly emotional week for him, Sergio was Inspired,,, oh, all of them ,, but poor Tiger, humbled yet again on European soil. Will the wonder boy never learn ?
These Yanks simply don't understand TEAM play ,,, in the end it was
almost too easy for us !
Maybe the USA team now needs to be supplemented by their friends in
Canada, Mexico, South America ??? Just to make a game of it again !!

It's a funny old name !

I noticed at the weekend that one Hibs fan seemed determined to eclipse Celtic's new Dutch signing, Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink. ( yeah he actually has this whole paragraph on the back of his shirt ! ) The supporter in question was seen at the game against Falkirk wearing a green T-shirt with a wordy legend on its back: "Edward Anderson Malcolm of Portobello. " Hahhaha ,,, however,
This set me thinking ,,, just as well my old granny wasn't a footballer ,,, her shirt would have had to accommodate this lot ,,, Janet, Grace, Morrison, Stevenson, Scott, Crosbie of Parkheid !! What size of shoulders would she have needed to carry this moniker ??
Beat that you guys !

Christ, They'll all be at it, if it pays well !

I see you only need a new wean these days to get on the salary trail !
Nae sooner has the little bugger drapped fae the womb than Bang, it's Mammy's goat it oot working ! In fact a wee bit Fertility Treatment and a multiple birth would go a long way to making you a mega earner ,, They need lots of stand-ins you see !! ,,Quite strict rules about how long the little darlings can work unfortunately ! It seems the Glesca Mammys are queuing up to put their new borns on the stage ,, the Soap Stage that is ,,, So, c'mon all you new Mammys ,,, get your wean spruced up and take it down to River City ,,, Just think, the wean's first words could be ,,, "Oh shite, Scarlett's gone and got hersel pregnant again !! "