Monday, January 19, 2009

There's Funerals & then there are funerals !

Had to attend two funerals this past week !
Not my favourite pastime I hasten to add, but family & friends needs must.
First we had Wullie .,., a self induced early death, at 62. Wullie was the younger brother of our pal Jim but the two seldom got on and laterly rarely even talked.
Wullie you see was something of a heid-case ! Into drink & drugs in a big way for manys a long year he had been warned often to get himself cleaned up or depart this mortal coil ,,,
He chose the latter and who's to say he was wrong ? He lost his only love, the crazy Liz a while back and this, it seems to me, propelled him into the abyss.
And yet, at the very end there she was ,, the bold Liz, large as life and twice as ,,, organising the funeral with their boy. Wullie's drunks & druggies turned up as well as his Maw and ( most of ) his family. I guess he had a turnout of about 25 bodies ( mostly alive but some I'm not quite sure about ,, and neither were they !
"Eh, wher ur we the day ,, eh, who ur we ,,, wull we get a wee drink here d'ye think ?"
It was a bloody disaster of course ,, from the minute the priest hobbled into the crematorium with his broken leg and shouted at Liz ,, "Whit wis his name again hen ?" followed by ,.,.
Dis anyo'ye know the Rosary ? ,,, the Hail Marys ?
The "service" was like something out of the dark ages ,, all hell & damnation and how we'd all need to pray if Wullie was ever to make it to Heaven ! Wullie never actually got a mention in the proceedings ,, for this guy rambled on and on about ,, God knows what !
His coffin was carried in to Eric Clapton 's Tears in Heaven .,., ( tears of laughter if they were looking down on this farce ) and we moved out to some 60's psycho-instrumental which stuck in the Cd player ,, fittingly I thought, but which then gave Liz the excuse to harrang the operator of the music machine ,.,. "Whit did ye dae wi' my Cd son ?" she threw at him on her way out of the chapel ,, "it wis aw scratched missus ", he told her handing back the disc with "Wullie's Funeral-- Jan 2009" written on it in Red ink ! ,, ,,
Jim, the deceased's big brother, spoke not one word to his old mother, his aunt, his brother's ex wife, or his last drunken bidie-in ,.., in fact no one ,, and didn't join them later for the traditional sandwich & swally .,,.
We, me & the missus, and Jim's daughter & son -in- law were invited back to his place for different sandwiches & undoubtedly different swallys !!
A funeral like no other I've ever attended !

Then, just two days later we were in a packed St Anthony's Chapel in Govan .,.,
The very angels were singing as we entered .,,.
A turn out bigger than any I've seen before ,, must have been 3-400 people packed into the Chapel for what I assume was a High Mass ? And the overflow area at the rear was also full.
Our own Amanda's "uncle" Danny passed away after a year or two's illness .,,. he was 81
Danny was a nice wee guy ,, lots of friends obviously, as well as a huge family, a popular wee fella in Church circles too from the looks of it ,.,. We had 4-priests, 2-women "scripture readers"and the pack came complete with eh, an absolutely abysmal organist ! ( she really needs to go for a few more piano lessons I'm afraid ! )
There was much upping & downing ( even to the knees for some ! ) as seems to be the norm in Catholic churches ( nae wonder these Fenians are fit ! ) ,.,. The service was splendid ( if you were of a religious bent ), there was much praise heaped on the wee man ,, a true celebration of his life rather than a weeping & wailing at his passing.
But the highlight of the day for me, and most of the participants in the church, was Wee Danny's goodbye to his beloved Dad. He told us firstly of his mum's strength this past wee while and especially this last few days, his sister, their friends and neighbours ,.., all the help and words of comfort they'd received ,,, he then told us of his father's last hours.
Old Danny had by now been in his hospital bed for some weeks and was suffering a bit with bed sores ,,, but he wouldn't bother the nurses with his pain ,, "these girls have enough to do without me complaining " .,., anyway, on his last night with the family he pulled his dear wife aside as they were leaving .,,. and delivered what were to be his final parting words ,.,.
"Eileen" he said, We've had a good life ,, I'm a happy man, had you, lovely kids, done everything I ever wanted to do, have no regrets ,, but ,,,,
Do you think God is having a laugh ? I'm gonnae die here wi' a sore arse !"
Hahaha .,., Way to go Danny old friend ,, I love it !
Out of the church ,, and on to the Crematorium .,,. absolutely overflowing with mourners ,, no room to park the car ,, 6-deep OUTSIDE the place ,.,. and then to the Glynhill Hotel in Paisley for a fine afternoon of craic with friends & family and a lovely buffet with drinkies ,,,
Cheers Danny & R.I.P.
I'm now working on my own final words and almost looking forward ? to my son or daughter giving the folks a laugh on that day ,,, How about ,,
"He asked me to enter his name on the sheet for tomorrow's medal ?"

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My feet have been cold for 3-years !

That was her comment the other day when I commented ( on reflection, perhaps not too kindly ! ) after she came home with about a dozen pairs of the most bizzare looking assorted new SOCKS ! Colours neither old Mods nor Rockers would have ventured out with in the street, not even after a hallucinatory drug trip ,, Stripes, flowers, dots ,,, you name it, these socks have it, in abundance ,.., but in combinations never before seen together ,,, well not in broad daylight anyway !
So I asked her ,,,
Why on earth did you buy these my beloved ????
Well, she said, firstly they were on special ,, half price no less ,, ( you wouldn't be the least surprised ) ,.,. they couldn't have sold them to me at 99% off !!
But then she told me the real truth ,..,.,
My feet have been cold now for about 3-years !
Eh ,,, it took her all that time to find a solution to cold feet ??
And what a solution she found .,., we're only going out nights now !

Slanted BBC News !

How come we have to listen to all this shite every damn day ?
First we heard about the poor guy who was gunned down by the cops as a suspected suicide bomber on the train ,, now the bleeding hearts are at it again ,,
We have the Primark sweat shop workers being made into cheap slaves .,,.
Never a mention of the real FACTS ,..,
These bastards are ALL in our country robbing our easy touch system blind .,,.
All of them are and were ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS .,,.
Instead of pleading for the poor souls to get a better deal why don't we do what other civilised countries do and DEPORT the buggers ?? Or better still ,, don't let them in in the first place !
They're costing us ( taxpayers ) millions and draining our country dry.
We have plenty poor folks of our own to look after ,, thanks to this same sad apology for a Government that lets this kind of thing happen ,, constantly !
Pity we can't deport the Westminster MP's & bloody Do-Gooders at the same time !

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Do we really need Conductors ?

I watched the New Year's Day concert from Vienna yesterday.
It's a thing I do ,,, every year I sit there, generally a bit hung-over, and give myself a Classical shot in the arm. Generally it's very good .,,. however this year I was disappointed .,,. maybe I was too sober or maybe it just wasn't the best choice of music this year, who knows ?
We had the internationally renowned but over dramatic Israeli conductor Daniel Barenboim doing his thing in front of the very talented Vienna National Orchestra, so it should have been good.
The music this year, as I said, was not to my taste so I got to watching Barenboim ,,, and the more I watched his histrionics and his highfalutin, profusely sweating, (high) brow the more I got to wondering ????
Why does a perfectly competent group of musicians actually need a conductor anyway ?
They can read the music, follow the mood, intonations, musical direction given on the sheet music ,,, a simple Metronome should more than suffice ?
And it wouldn't have all that prancing off-stage then on again to rapturous applause and it would save all the flower bouquet presentations at the end too !
I doubt most of us ( the untrained ear majority ) would notice any difference sans conductor ?