Thursday, December 31, 2009

A Bit of an Upper & Downer !

Went down to see the still pregnant daughter yesterday.
She'd told the NHS to stick their Caesarean section and waddled home again .,., she doesn't have time for a 6-week recovery with 4-other kids and a business to run she explained, and she'd had 8 pounders before so a 9 pound odds would be a case of grinning & bearing it !
Ouch as they say !
Anyway they decided ( her & her man ) that the house needed to be completely changed round, yet again !! The biggest boy ( 12 ) needed to either share with his little brother (4) or move into a smaller room so that two others could have his bigger room !!
He'd opted for the Greta Garbo "I vant to be alone" route so ,,, this gave them a problem !
The smaller place had been a child's bedroom and the daughter ( among her many other talents ) being something of an artist had done a 4-wall mural of dinasaurs et al floor to ceiling !
Very, very good they were but definitely NOT a 12-year old's dream decor !
So, I was sent with the almost teen to the wallpaper shop while mother went to the Queen Mum's place for her latest baby scan .,.,., only to be asked on our return if I could just paper the room TODAY ,,, like eh, 30th. Dec. just when I'm planning a lazy day in front of the TV with maybe a wee refreshment or three !
So we started at 4-30pm, me & my faithful paster assistant .,.,
Then in the middle of the job came the UPPER referred to in the title .,.,
With one & a half walls completed we were shouted down for dinner .,., and tonight it was the turn of the said 12-year old to prepare .,., He made us possibly the best Lasagne I've ever tasted .,., his 9, well almost 10 year old sister prepared the salad ,,, and together they also produced a huge bowl of delicious home made chips and a couple of garlic bread baguettes .,.,., Now this was no small undertaking ,, this was a meal for EIGHT !!
I now begin to see the logic light at the end of the daughter's tunnel .,., a use for all these we'ans my daughter keeps producing .,.,.,
If they are so well trained in the art of cookery at this stage, then by the time they're finished they'll have a full compliment of Butler, Chefs, House Maids ,,, the lot, for their old age !
Brilliant !
We were later brought drinks at the work place but I suspect ,, just to ensure we'd finish the job !! And so we did ,,, at 11-45pm !!
Home, knackered, large whisky & bed followed in quick succession ,,,
Thankfully that's ALL the rooms ( in that house ! ) finished .,., for the moment ???
Phewwwww ,,,,

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

And another ,, It's nearly there !

My earth mother daughter is expecting ,,, well we all are really !
Child number FIVE is imminent ! Yeah that was FIVE, it wasn't a misprint or anything ! I'm what's called a Super Pumpa ( that's Gramps to all you who don't know such words ).,.,
So much so that on her visit to the Doc yesterday he said ..
" Where has she gone ( the latest baked bean is another girl btw .,., it was either that or another boy of course !) .,., there's only 2/5ths. of the we'an left in your belly ( and if that's only 2/5ths. of it, all I can say is ,, Jesus !! ) .,., the rest is somewhere down in your pelvic region !! "
So she says " a new year baby then ?"
"Ha, what makes you think you'll last that long ?" says the good Doc ( who incidentally specialised(s) in gynaecology so presumably knows a near thing when he sees one ! ,, although it does give ME a little cause for concern when I go see him !! )
So anyway, the beloved & I are now preparing ourselves for a house full of little people when the Bells finally come in ( what a daft expression, there's nae bells comin' in here ,, no' enough room ! ) at midnight tomorrow !! Well we can hardly leave the other 4 out in the street now can we ?
Who knows, at the rate they shove these poor new mothers back out of the maternity NHS bed we'll be lucky if we don't have all five here complete with the new again maw & paw !
I really must get round to explaining to this child of mine what's causing all these we'ans to keep turning up !

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Well it's nearly there.

2010 that is .,., another week and we're into yet another year !
I don't do resolutions any more ( impossible to keep at this time of the year aren't they ? )
So this year I'm not doing any again !
I would like to go back on my Atkins diet but later ,, maybe Feb. ,,, for I've gone back up a size again ,, I crept up a few years back to 17-of our Scottish stones !! It happened so slowly & gradually that I almost didn't notice but latterly the underpants began to nip ,,, Then I knew ! Extra large into large just doesn't go !
A mere few months later ( well ok, about 8 or 9 ) I was back to my svelt, super fit, fighting weight of 13 and a small quarter.
And so easy ,,, no hunger whatsoever ,, gone was the belly, and inches lost everywhere else too ,,
Now, a year or two on and I'm halfway back to that dreaded heavy weight division ,,, not my fighting weight at all ,, in fact it's almost my knock-out weight !
I'm hitting the scales currently at 15 and a half of these same Scottish stones ,, but now they feel more like bricks ! And the man bits are nipping again ,,, so it's either commando, new underwear, or the diet ? I'm not a natural soldier, so Doc A ,, hold the bread, potatoes, & beer .,., here I come !!

Monday, December 14, 2009

As Carrie Bradshaw might say .,.,.,

So Tiger's world is crumbling around his ears ,,,
His many misdemeanours are jumping out to bite him on the bum on an almost daily basis !
I can only say ,, what the hell did the stupid bugger expect ?
Did he really think he could keep this lifestyle up ( oops ! ) without the press finding out ?
However, you think as the first Sports Billionaire he should worry ?? Ha ,., he'll surely be financially sound for life, even if he's now hounded out of the game ?
But wait ,,, half of that billion might get to the poor used little woman & the kids ? I'm sure her ( very good ) lawyers will get the miserly $30 pre nup rescinded in favour of a proper share for a woman done wrong ?
I'm sure too that all the ladies of the night ( and day ) from Maine to Albuquerque will also be hiring good lawyers to jump on the $$$$ band wagon ,,, they seem to be looking at a few million each ,, ( and how many more to come out of the woodwork we wonder ? )
And all the lawyers ?? Boy oh boy ,, what a killing they'll make ,, they must be thinking right now ,, sweetie shop ,, we'ans ... ho ho .,.,,
The advertising giants are all now taking huge steps backwards too .,., well can you blame them ,, take Gillette for instance ,, they have the Tiger, no more Mr. Squeaky clean USA ( shaven or otherwise ! ) the French football cheat with the hand ,, also now lost as the sportsman of the decade and finally the Swiss tennis star of stars who has also come out of the woodwork to admit match fixing !!

And now, even Santa has been accused this week of using exclusively slave female reindeer to pull him around the world ( and all at minimum wage despite unsocial & overtime hours ! )

So as Carrie might ask ,,, Are all men bastards ,,, ? or just the ones that get caught ?
PS : Brilliant photo courtesy of the wonderful Annie Leibovitz
( sorry Annie I'm only borrowing it ! )

Saturday, December 12, 2009

So it's Cherrio there !!

Well, well, well and OMG ,,,
The world must be coming to an end right enough ?
How will anything ever be the same again ?
I can't believe what I'm reading here ,,, is it Tiger Woods stepping down, leaving Golf for an "indefinite period" after the revelations of his 11- affairs !! ?
( Wow, talk about stamina, fitness .,., phew, all that shagging and STILL winning practically every tournament in golf .,., Tiger IS Superman surely !! .,., aye but the wife's found that green Kryptonite )
Naw, it's much more serious than that !
Heather the Weather is leaving the BBC "to pursue fresh projects in the fields of science and education." Jesus, as auld Arthur Montford would have said ,, It's a Disaster ! However will I know what conditions to expect on the golf course of a morning .,.,., Apparently Heather's duties will probably pass to wee thingy, Gail McGrane ... sorry hen, nothin' personal but you're no' fur me .,., I'm off to start a new affair myself now ,, with that sexy new weather stripper ( Oops sorry, wishful thinking ! ) eh, her with the tight skirts, the hair up ( but ready to come down with a quick shake of the head ... ohhhhh ), the specs that you just know are part of the act ! oh and the figure of a oooh, eh, nice big girl !!
Welcome juicy Judith and I will try and listen to your weather reports as well !!
Honest I will ... :0)

Friday, December 11, 2009

Nobody seems to have asked, so I'll do it !

Keep hearing this week about the Chancellor's Pre Budget Report ,,,
We used to have ONE budget a year ,,
This budget ( in Dec. ? ) will be the THIRD this year if I'm not sadly mistaken ???
What are these bastards up to now ?,,, Just what makes them think they can get away with this multiple robbery ? It's not enough that they cheat, lie and rob us blind with their false expenses claims ,,, ( and btw WHY are none of them in JAIL yet ?? ) ,,, now they think they can have ANOTHER bloody budget at the drop of a hat ???
Well I've got news for them ,,,, make the best of it ya shower of low life CHUMPS for it's your last !