Monday, October 27, 2008

The Faulty one's to Blame !

So there I was, maybe 2-weeks ago?, doing some "official" printing for my golf secretary "job" !
The printer decided half way through my "work" that we needed some replacement ink ,,,
A pain in the arse of course but no sweat,.,., like all good secretaries I (generally) always have spare cartridges to hand. So I changed the black, as requested. We set to "work" again .,., only for me to be advised some 5-minutes later that the printer had now decided ,,,, "( I ) Do not recognise these cartridges" ? "Please change cartridges "?? "Eh ?", I said ,.,..,
So started a week long discussion ,, nay, argument ,, betwixt me, the Printer and the ink folks ,.,.
I changed all the bloody ink pots ,, the damned machine still refused to acknowledge it's own ,.,.
I tried to fool it by pretending to change them ,, but nothing would make the bugger print !
So I decided to take out my wrath on the ink supplier ,,
"Why did you send me incompatible cartridges" I asked them ,,, "I want replacements sent asap" ,, "Aye right" they replied ,,," our ink wells are just fine ,, but if you want you can send them back for testing ".,.,., well ok I thought ,, maybe ,, but here's the rub ,,
“Non-Ink Shop brand or used cartridges will not be accepted” ,,,
Now why would I send someone else’s ?
“If cartridge(s) are empty and/or appear to be used, they will not be accepted.”
Eh ? if I hadn’t tried using them how would I know they were faulty ya daft b,,, ??
“Cartridges with labels torn off will not be accepted “
WHIT ? The sealing tab that must be removed prior to fitting the cartridge into the printer can't be removed ??
So just how would I be able to tell they were faulty BEFORE removing this label ,,,,
So, to recap ,,, it would appear that unless I send them back only virgin, unopened, unused, cartridges, they won’t accept them ??
So I asked them again ,,, Why am I going to waste my money on postage then, sending them back to you ??
Oh, and I also asked.,,. Do you want to keep me as a customer ??
So they relented and said send all your ink back for testing !!
About this point I spoke to the big son ( the family computer know-all ! )
He suggested perhaps a hiccup in the printer .,,. just un-instal and re-instal Dad, and all will probably return to normal ? ,,, It was the weekend so I thought ,, why not ?
He talked me through the procedure (with the existing cartridges still in place) ,,,
Ha, the temperamental machine ( a brilliant description this ,, "subject to changes of mood " ) decided the cartridges were indeed ok !
And so, after only a week, we set back to work ,, ( well done that son )
Alas, the ink was very faint ,, the heads now needed cleaning !!
So we went thro' the procedure of cleaning, printing the test pattern, again, and again and again, and again .... getting better all the time UNTIL ,,, Oh Christ I don't believe it ,,, it's out of bloody ink again ,, and it refuses, again, to recognise the new cartridges as being its own !!
Bastard ,,, I dug out it's box from the loft ( you can substitute coffin here for I was now going to bury it !! ) ... I took it back to PC World and what d'you think ..... without even looking at it they gave me a brand new one ,, the updated model too ,,, with a "sorry for your trouble sir ",,,
No mention of it being open, used, labels missing etc ,,,
Now that's what I call service !

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I told you this would happen !

I haven't blogged for a while now so I just thought I'd better say something ,, lest all my fans start to despair !
I've nothing much new ,,, nothing I'm particularly angry about this week ,,
Well actually, truth be told I'm extremely angry ,, but that's a kinda "all the time thing" nowadays ,.,.
I'm really angry with the state of our country ,, if I could I'd emigrate ,, Yes I really would ,, probably Oz since you ask ,, they seem to still treat their country as THEIRS !!
Immigration is ridiculous here in the UK, completely out of hand ,,, these bloody eastern fundamentalist fanatics are taking over OUR country and we're letting them !! Doh ,,,
Where is today's Enoch Powell when we need him ?
Politics in general are absurd, the idiots & bloody do-gooders in Westminster ( & to a slightly lesser extent Holyrood too) don't listen to ( or hear ) what the PEOPLE are telling them ,..,
Similarly the law is an ass, schooling is hopeless, parenting is even worse; today's parents are afraid to reprimand or say NO and generally give their offspring little or NO GUIDANCE !
The ( Western ) world's financial institutions are a joke .,,. there's no way everything could possibly have gone belly-up all at once ,,, this nonsense is simply all down to the spivs, speculators & gamblers, ( again ) "PLAYING" with OUR money to make them a fast buck ,,,,
It's way past time proper RULES of ENGAGEMENT were put in place so these bastards can't bugger up the entire economy for the rest of us on a bet or a whim !
But rest assured some eagle-eyed "entrepreneur " will be making that fast buck out of the rest of our pain ? In fact I read just yesterday he's already made a killing .,,.., selling Tee Shirts with a picture of Karl Marx, with the words under the face ? See my blog title !!! Haha ...
Selling them faster than he can produce them ,, at £15 a go :)
You have to say, good luck to him ,, wish I'd thought it first !

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Daughter Doesn't Do TV !

I've raised a strange one indeed .,,. perhaps even the pair !
The daughter has just done one of her Rants ,,, oh, sorry, I mean Blogs !!
It seems she has absolutely no time for Television ,, ( after that nice Logie-Baird chap spending so much of his time and energy inventing it too :) ) No appreciation some folk !
Her brother similarly seems to have little time for ACTUAL TV .,,. although he does use the big screen in his living room corner constantly ,,, however, in his case mainly for inane, banal, mind numbing Wii, Xbox, PS3 games etc, !
A strange pair indeed ,,,
I myself watch probably too much Television ,.,. and I would generally agree ,, much of it is utterly insulting to the intelligence ,, a constant barrage of Dumbing Down that has reduced our once great Nation to a now Moronic state ,, ( patently the DD TV is winning !! )
However, contrary to Phyllis' beliefs I feel I must say a word in Mr. Logie-Baird's defence. There IS some good TV still, if you just look for it and be very selective.
Some very informative, educational documentaries & stunning nature stuff .,,.
Real comedy ,, the kind that makes you laugh deeply from the belly and fall off your chair ,,,
and the most wonderful musical evenings are to be had ,, from rock to opera with everything in-between.
Programmes to let you visit the far corners of the world you might otherwise never see ,,
World news ( but definitely NOT the insular BBC of course )
The knack is indeed as the wise daughter says ,, to only switch on when there is something you REALLY want to see !
Now if we could all do that, the TV companies might finally get the message and start the pendulum moving again ... let's all join in and start our country Dumbing UP !

Monday, October 06, 2008

It's the way he tells them !!

For those of you who don't already know ,,, I'm quite keen on the odd game of golf !
In fact I'm currently a member of the Cowglen Seniors Group and on the Committee ,,,
Wee Club Secretary no less, and this year also Vice Captain, so I'm quite active !!
Last night we had the Captain over for dinner ( see, I'm a social climber too obviously ! )
Mein Capitaine, ( all salute here ) one James McNamee of the Royal Irish / American McNamees, commonly known to all who know & love him as "Smackmaknee" is something of an old codger !
Currently out of the game with a "bad back" Jim is missing many of his golf days ,,,
He was telling us all about his back problem last night over dinner ; seems this ailment just came about "out of the blue" ,,, ( and him a Celtic man ! ) no actual moment when he did the damage ,, just woke one morning with severe pain in his coccyx area ,, and we all know how painful a sore coccyx can be ( or kok-six as it's shown for pronunciation in the dictionary .,.,,. yeah, ok, I admit it ,, I had to spell check this one !! Ouch as they say !
Anyway he's a very fit 77-year old, generally in the best of health but over the years he has had his little moments .,,. so,
He also told us of the time when his "Prostrate" was giving him some problems ,,, ( and this was nothing to do with lying on a board to help the back ! ) He could only take his late wife into town once he had planned a route around the public loos, & on the golf course he navigated his ball via well kent trees !! He finally had to see the Doc. who sent him for examination at the local hospital. Lying on a table spreadeagled with a doctor and nurse gazing up his ,, eh manhood ,, another wee lassie holding his hand, for no anaesthetic is used in this procedure .,,. ouch again !
A tube / camera inserted he then explained they had taken a wee "Autopsy" from his bladder region and sent it off for analysis !!
Fortunately they found nothing worse than a couple of "stones in the bladder" which were quickly removed ,..,.,
He can now complete a full 18-holes of golf without the need to visit a single tree .,,.,
Strange then that he still hits the ball that way !!
In the same vein, the other members of our committee, all 9 of them in fact, have great difficulty with the new competition I organised for them last year ,.,.our Winter Eclectic .,.,
This is referred to variously each month as the Electric, the Ecelectric, the ecleptic, the ecalectic, you name it ,,, seems I'm the only one who's ever heard the bloody word !