Saturday, May 31, 2008

You need hands ! or ( Half the hands, half the fun ? )

Just watched a guy on "Millionaire" tonight ,, a repeat showing of one of the earlier shows from late 2000. Asked by Tarrent about his occupations over the years ,,, he said he was once ,..,
wait for this ,,, a "wringer outer for a one armed window washer",, Isn't that a cracker ?
Christ, but some folk do have fun in their working lives ! That's got to be the best description of a job I've ever heard !
The poor bugger got to £64,000 and had a go at the £125,000 question ,, seemed quite sure of his answer too ... but sadly he was WRONG ! Ouch ... !!
Still, for a wringer outer for a one armed window washer, I guess £32 grand is a useful wee lift ?
Btw, what would EVER make you take up a job as a window washer if you only had one arm ?
Apart from the wringin' oot ,,, what does he use to hold on to the ladder ???

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

It's Musique Claude, but not as we know it !

So, against all our better judgement and last year's final post show positive assertion of "Never Again" we stupidly did it ,.,. again ,,,, yep I admit it ,,, we watched the Eurovision Song Contest ,,, Doh ! It's got to be a sign of old age and senility setting in, hasn't it ?
Anyway, for the first time in a long number of years ( yeah ok, so we watch it every bloody year ! ) the songs were a bit better ,, not ALL your usual Euro rubbish. But of course when it came to the judging it all went pear shaped yet again ,.,. To be fair the UK song was absolute shite and thoroughly deserved its last place ,, but that aside, the political voting has now turned the show into a farce,, a world wide laughing stock ,, I mean, even Wogan is threatening "Never Again !!", so things really must be bad.
My beloved however, gas come up with the answer to get the show back on the level !
All contestants sing in the same language ,,, possibly English since that seems to be almost the case already and English seems to be accepted as the language of the music world ,,, well pop music at least ! No National displays allowed ,, no flags, no "see our country" videos ,,, although they could still be shown, but RANDOMLY ,, not necessarily with the country performing ! That could really confuse the drunks eh !!
The competitors have an identifying number and voting is then done on the number of the song and hopefully then judged on music content only ,.,.,. How zat ?
Each country will obviously know its own song since it would still be voted for, pre competition, but this doesn't matter since the judges can't vote for their own .,,. so it still works.
Think the little woman has cracked it ,.,. over to you Terry !!

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Devotees of grammatical studies have not been distinguished for any very remarkable felicities of expression.

Jesus ! I thought to myself ,,, and me the faither of a gifted Linguist.
How come I didn't know this before now ? How come she never let on ??
Christ, I'm bloody nearly OLD, and this is me just finding out about the English language wot I thought I spoke !
There was me, stoopid me obviously, thinking that the language I was taught at school, to speak, and think in, was THE definitive English ?
Not on yer life pal ,.,.
I got a wee bit upset again this morning when writing the latest chapter of my on-going book and Microsoft's auto spell check kept questioning MY English and substituting its bloody bastardised US English ( a contradiction in terms as far as I'm concerned ,,, lovely people I'm sure, but English speaking ?,, eh, naw, I don't think so ! )
Well bugger me ... seems this US English shite is only one of a huge number of derivitives ,.,.the tip of the iceberg no less.
Here's the full list of English's you can use, according to Microsoft's language choice ,,,,
Would you believe ,, apart from proper English and their own US of A version that THEY think is English, you can also have ,,,,
English Australia, Belize, Canada, Caribbean, Hong Kong SAR, India, Indonesia, Ireland, Jamaica, ,,, hey, you think I'm done ? ,,,, Ha ,, hang on in there ....
Malaysia, New Zealand, Philippines, Singapore, South Africa, Trinidad & Tobago and Zimbabwe,
and the daughter has never mentioned any one of these ....
I suppose I'll need to temper my anger at all these "foreign" call centre operatives now ?
After all they're only speaking their English !!! Aye right !
Notice anything missing btw ?????
Aye, me too ,.,., it's nae bloody wonder we want our Independence and Freedom.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Wee Soul got Confused !

My dear grandkids ( well the two oldest ) came up last night to watch the European Cup final, Man U Vs Chelsea, with us.
Marcel & me were firmly in the Red Man U camp but Lotsie decided she was a Blue girl ?
Don't know why, other than maybe to give one to her big brother !
Anyway, the 90-minutes came & went at 1 - 1.
Extra time started ,.,. Lots was a wee bit sleepy by then and dozed on and off on Granny's big comfy swivel chair ,,, Zzzz, Oops, wakened again ,,,, Zzzz ,,,
Marcel & me shouting from time to time roused the little sleepy head ,,,, awake, asleep, awake, asleep ,,,
Then came the Penalty shoot out ! She missed most of it, but the yells in the living room did revive her at each shot !
1-o Man U .... 1-1 ... 2-1 ... and so on ,,,,
It reached a climax at 3-3 ,,, with Chelsea only to score their next penalty to win the most coveted cup in all of Europe ... Up stepped their Captain ,, England Captain, Mr. Chelsea, the magnificent John Terry ,,, game over surely ,,, ??
He slips as he hits the ball ,,, he MISSES ,,, all hell breaks loose ,,, Lotsie jumps up, apparently wide awake ....but getting more & more confused looking !
Two more penalties ,,,, Man U score ,,, Chelsea's Anelka hits a low ball to the goalkeeper's right ,, Man U have a new hero ,,, The goalie saves it and the stadium explodes ,, Mayhem, everywhere in Moscow there's cheers, tears, noise ,,,
Lotsie & Marcel, now an hour or more later than their normal bedtime are being hussled by Pumpa to get into their shoes & jackets ready to go home ,,,, but of course we have to wait another 10-minutes or so to see the Cup presentation etc ,,, can't watch all that drama and miss the end ?
Our wee soul is totally bewildered by all the yelling and tears on the TV screen ( by sleep or by Footie .. not sure which ) ,,
Lotsie is bending down putting on her shoes when I hear her quietly say to her granny ,,,
"So who won anyway ?"
What a lovely wee moment ,,,

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I'm getting fed up with Flickr !

Why oh why can't you change the order of your pics on Flickr ?
Having to upload a set in reverse order so they come out right on the page is just such a chore ,.,.
And one I can never get right !
I think I'm gonna abandon Flickr 'til they can get this obvious flaw sorted ,.,.
Sorry, I just don't like the random upload of my pics.
Bye-bye the big F

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Well I sure got that all wrong !

We ( the wife & me ) were up at PQ ( in town ) babysitting Friday night ,,, & well into Sat. afternoon !
The son and his wife ( said baby's maw & paw ) were attending a wedding down Seamill way and decided to stay over in the famous Hydro for the night.
During our stay in the big house ( in PQ that is, not Glasgow's infamous Barlinnie prison ) our daughter brought along her family ,,,, hubby-to-be ? Thomas ,,, and kids Marcel, Lotsie, Pudgeman & Tiny-bits for dinner and after dinner games ,,, ( I think this was her way of "helping" us old folks baby-sit one child ,,, bringing along 4-more !! Oh no, make that 5 ,,,
I forgot, Thomas too is still quite young ! )
Anyway, on leaving yesterday I suddenly remembered about the hide & seek game the son's little Gordy and the daughter's Pudgeman had been playing.
I came across them in the big walk -in cupboard in the hall ,.,. Little Leon (Pudge ) was hiding behind a load of hanging coats & jackets ,,, but the bold Gordy ( well it was his house ! ) I found, half way up the very tall ladder which was parked in there !
"Jesus !" I muttered ( to myself I think ) ,.,. pulling him off and telling him, in no uncertain Grandfatherly tones, how dangerous it was for little boys to climb ladders ,.,..
So here's where it all went wrong ,.,.,.,.
I mentioned to the father that he might keep the cupboard closed and locked in future, or to keep a close eye on his little son's Hilaryesque ways ,,,
Off we went home at that, having done our babysitting and having managed to keep the kid safe and in one piece ,.,.,. only to receive a 'phone call a mere few hours later in the evening from a distraught daughter-in-law to tell us our son ,,, the father of the piece ,,, had only gone and fallen off said ladder and broken his wrist !!
"Jesus !" I muttered ,, and definitely not to myself this time !
Now this would be bad enough in itself but this is the 2nd. time he's done this ,, breaking the arm that is, not falling off ladders ,,, the previous time it was the left arm playing footie ,,, this time it was the right arm, "fixing" a fallen curtain rail !! And this time in front of a single glazed window, with a fall to the street more than high enough to kill him !! And the broken wrist could of course just as easily have been a broken neck ,,,
You just never get away from parental worry do you ?
There are times when the wife & I wonder if they're actually trying to put us into an early grave intentionally .,. it's not like we've got pots of money to leave them or anything !
Maybe they're just tired of us ???
:O) ... Seriously .... the follow up ...
The son had to spend all Saturday night in great pain with his hand facing completely the wrong direction at the end of his arm ,,, he was taken 10-floors down for a chest x-ray early next morning, having not slept all night, to ensure he was fit to undergo a general anaesthetic ( a precaution since he suffers from asthma ) but then asked to find his own way back to his ward since a porter could take up to 1/2 an hour to be found ! With the hand still in severe pain he didn't even know which ward he had come from ,,,!
The consultant surgeon finally came to see the wrist later that morning ! The worst break he'd seen in over 10-years he called it ,.,. Oh God, not again .... ( his mother & I didn't sleep much that night either.)
He operated Sunday, mid morning, a 31/2 hour op. ( apparently very successfully ) and our dear son now has a metal plate inserted deep in his hand/wrist, held in place with several screws and covered in old fashioned stookie ,, No, take that back ,, this is new fashioned stookie ,, a wet, but lighter plastic version which hardens very much quicker than the old plaster of Paris, but will still be on for at least a month. He was checked over at 7-30am Monday for any infection in the wound and also that he had come through an overnight after the general anaesthetic ,, and pronounced fit to go home ,.,. Just as soon as he received his appointment card ( for the return visit in a month to remove the stookie ! ) oh, and his pain relief medication, he could go !
Believe it or not this took longer than the operation !!! His wife and mother finally, after many abortive 'phone calls had to go down there at the regular afternoon visiting hour at 2-30pm and only then did they manage to get these vital release items !!
Like I've been known to say before ,, It's the NHS Jim but not as we know it !
Oh and the final piece in the jig-saw ,..,,
Wait for this ,.,.,. The daughter-in-law, God bless her, asked ME if I could go up these same, but now bent and broken ladders and fix the bloody curtain rail ,, ‘cause wee Gordy can’t sleep unless the room is in darkness !!
They ARE trying to get rid of us aren’t they ????

Sunday, May 04, 2008

She WAS the best mum in the world ! But what now ???

Oh dearie me,
I've gone and knocked her off her pedestal ,.,.
Up until about 2 hours ago she WAS the best Mum in our world ,,,
But what now ? ,,, I dropped her prized trophy ,, the one given to her by the best daughter in our world ,,, OK, the ONLY daughter ,, but still the best !
It slipped out of my hand and onto the wooden floor ,,, maybe fitted carpets should be re-considered at the onset of old age ?
Maybe the only daughter will put her back on her pedestal ???
( You KNOW what I mean here Phyl ,,,, get me off the hook ,, please ? ,.,. buy her another one for God's sake )
Christ, the things that are sent to try us !!
But at least I hadn't washed the damned boiled egg out of it .... :o)