Thursday, September 23, 2010

Irn-Bru does it again !

A frustrated angler ( aren't they all ? ) has come up with a novel way to land more fish ...
He's lacing his bait with Irn-Bru.  Hahaha brilliant !

Crawford Griffiths has been fishing since his grandpa taught him when he was a mere nipper !
But he hit a kinda fish-less period recently and began racking his brain for ways to improve his catch.
Crawford said: "I hit on the brainwave of pouring Irn-Bru into my bait of ground-up bread.
Now just how did you come up with that one Crawford ?  Maybe a little better bait might have helped .,., ?
I mean, breadcrumbs ??  Or were you just trying for the finished article to pack straight into the box ?
Do you do a batter bait too ?
Anyway, apparently, "The fish just loved it - they were jumping onto the hook." but hey, we all know these fishermen's tall tales !!
"I was repeatedly getting very small fish, and remembered reading that scented or flavoured baits might attract the fish !" ( said Irn-Bru's new Publicity man ! )
So I shared my Irn-Bru with them !! 
Wonder if we'll get a new Snowman ad this Xmas ??
He said: "Within two minutes, I caught a three-pound perch, then a two-pounder, a three-and-a-half pounder and finally a four pounder - all on the same day. 
Oh aye, right Crawford ,, we know the stories .,., and what size was that one that got away ??
Crawford wrote to Irn-Bru chiefs: "Not only the people of Scotland love their other national drink, but so do the fish."
And did you get the FREE crate of bait supplement Crawfie ? or mibbie a wee job in I-B marketing could be in the offing ?
Oh, wait for it ,,, Irn-Bru's head of marketing Adrian Troy jumped in to test the water too ,,,
"This is a phenomenal idea that I'm sure will go down in Irn-Bru's history books." ( aye and the new fish bait line in the Profit column of your Accounts Ledger ? )
Yep, we're gonna get a new ad for Xmas I'm sure !!

Why do we do it ?

Britain went gambling mad around 16-years ago with the introduction of the National Lottery.
Since then we have had umpteen ( additional ) versions of this National nonsense, not to mention the myriad of scratch cards, online poker clubs et al encouraging us to throw our money effectively down the pan every time we enter a newsagent's,supermarket or switch on the TV.
The odds, we all know, are totally ridiculous .,., we have as much chance of winning a mega jackpot as we have of taking a trip to Mars !  But still we do it ?  Why ?
You know the old adage ,, if you're not in it, you can't win it !!  Well patently that's true ,,, BUT c'mon, do we really expect to win ?  Why yes, of course we do ! Someone HAS to win every week so why not us ?
My beloved once ( some 8-years ago now ) was ONE number out for a £2.9M payout ,, Her 5-numbers netted her a 2nd. prize payout of £802 .,.,., ( which she spent ,, 5-times over !! ) 
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  ( see photo above )
I waited expectantly after that KNOWING that in only a few weeks she'd get it right & I'd be a Millionairess's best pal !  Alas it's been a helluva long wait and I'm getting weary !
But nevertheless every Wed. & Sat. there I am in the queue for the shop counter handing over my contribution to "Good Causes". 
£2496 I've given over these past 16-years ( for I also participate in a weekly golf club syndicate .,., which has also won mere peanuts over the piece !! .,., ) 
Will I ever learn ? 
Eh, Doh !

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

I've said it before & no doubt will again ,,, and again !

The Law made me angry again this week !
It was the case of that little fraudster Stefan Dudek who took the Social to the cleaners ,,, to the tune of £65,000 over a period of 18-years. ( that's £300 a month, every month, for all these years ! .,., cheeky, lying, cheating wee bastard ! )
He claimed benefit for, among other things, unemployment & incapacity .,., All the while he was employed as an Everton FC steward and nightclub bouncer and was running 10K half marathons regularly, even saving newspaper cuttings of his achievments !
This is the £65,000 benefit cheat who said : I’m too ill to walk ! ( Aye ye wid be if I was the Law ! )
Dudek dishonestly claimed incapacity benefit and disability living allowance
It took mega hours by the department's investigators, over a period of years, to build up an absolutely stone wall case against him. Dudek was caught as part of a joint operation run by the Department for Work and Pensions and Merseyside police.
He finally admits his guilt in court .,.,
Ye Olde Judge Mark Brown, branded him “a very dishonest person”.
So what sentence does Mr. Brown pass down for robbing you & me of £65 grand over 18-years ? .,.,
12-months in the Pokey .,., yeah, therefore out in 6 ,,, and what fine  ?  When do we get our money back ??
Well ,,, After the case, fraud operations manager Roy Paul said: “The department will now seek full reimbursement of the money fraudulently obtained. Ha !
Aye but what chance of getting any of it back ??

My guess would be slim or nane !!  He's not a rich man ! so he'll probably get away with the money as well !
The sad thing about this is that the establishment, to a man, think they got a "result".  The Benefit Dept. investigator said he was pleased with the outcome !!
Whit ! ....  Is it me ??

Monday, September 13, 2010

What makes these people tick ?

I'm reading this morning's newpapers and all I see are stories about DRUGS !
What is it I'm missing here ?
Why are all these people ( young, mid aged & even old ! ) turning to substances which they must know will ultimately destroy them ,,  kill them even ?
Are their lives so awful, so unbearably bad that they see no choice ?
Or have they just too much money and not brains enough to make sensible choices as to how to use it ?

There's Ricky ( the Hit Man ) Hatton MBE ,,, boxer of some note, World Champion no less, seemingly nice enough, jovial wee guy, judging by his performances on such Tv shows as Jonathan Ross, Parky and even Loose women !.,., and now drugged up to the eyeballs & wasted, snorting cocaine live on uTube ! Probably lost his Boxing Licence .,., about to enter the infamous Rehab !!  Aye, Ricky ,, U- TUBE !!
Before him we had Joe Calzaghe CBE ,, another World Champ boxing legend .,.,another thoroughly nice, fun guy !
Why ? .,., Are the brains of these boxers suffering too much punishment in the ring ?

Then there was the houseful of Dopes in Falkirk ,, Smashed out of their minds on lethal concoctions of mixed drugs & booze. Two of them lay overdosed & dead in a bedroom while the "partying" went on ,, another young female "out of it" according to one of the partygoers was so ill that an ambulance was called .,.,
Too late alas for the bedroom pair who lay unnoticed by their " dazed & confused "so-called" friends !  The death toll may yet be three,,, four if you consider that the dead female was also pregnant ! 
What possessed her to risk her unborn child even if she had no respect for herself ?
Why ? Why? Why ?.,.,
What do we need to do as Human beings of the Earth to eradicate this woeful waste of people's brains, lives, and families ? There are times when I despair .,.,
Are we seeing the Fall of the Roman Empire all over again ,, but this time on a truly Grand Global scale ????
Maybe it is time to start again ???

Sunday, September 12, 2010

An Open Letter to East Ren.Council ( The School Run !! )

Ok, here's a really stupid wee tale !
My dear daughter was up here visiting the other day ,,,, just a mid day coffee with her two youngest. ( that's numbers 4 & 5 btw ! ,, the non-schoolers ) Aye ok, so maybe she has only herself to blame ? :-)
At around 2-45pm she said she had to get up to the Primary school to pick up her daughter,,( that's we'an number 2 ) and the wee man ( number 3 )
Primary school out-time is 3-00pm
The littlest ( number 5 ! ) was sound asleep on my lap so I told her to go, and pick her up on her return.
Off she went ,,, the Primary school is local and so only 3 or 4 miles from the house. ( each way of course ! )
She was back fairly quickly which I found odd since she has a teenager at High school .,.,
Where was he, I wondered out loud ?
The High school, only a further mile up the road, apparently doesn't disgorge it's pupil mass 'til a full 35-minutes later .,., 3-35pm + teenage chat, meandering time ,, call it 4pm ! 
Oh and that's Mon, Tues, & Thurs ,,, Wed & Frid disgorge time is 2-45pm !!  How convenient !

So at around 3-45pm, still trying to finish that coffee, she was up again & off to collect number 1 at the High school ,,, another 4 or 5 mile trip up the road. ( aye still both ways, for you always need to come back don't you ! )
Back she came to finally finish her coffee at around 4pm !  ( it's almost dinner time now for goodness sake ! )
Earlier in the day she had number 4 at the Council Class Gym Teds ( whatever the hell that is ) ,, seemingly some pre Nursery activity to get them ready for Nursery ! This class goes in at 10-30am & comes out at 11-15am .,., I don't even know where this one is located !!

I've really done this blog upside down or back to front  ( must be living in such a stupid Council area ? )
I should have started off with the morning run shouldn't I ?
Ok here goes .,., try following this while you're half asleep !

School in-time I guess is a fairly normal 9am everywhere ?
NOPE ! ...  not in East Ren it 'aint !!
High school in is 8-45am ( in fact doors close at 8-43am and getting in after this is a major trauma ,, having to go through a "late procedure" wasting even more time !! )
So for the daughter's household it's all kids up, washed, clothed, teeth brushed, hair combed, fed ( in short ablutioned ! ) and counted into the poeple carrier for 8-30am absolute latest !
Drop off the big one at the furthest away locale ,, the High School, at 8-40am
Next, back down the road to the Primary ,, and numbers 2 & now 3 are ejected into the playground at 8-50am for their 9am start. ( no entry after 9am here either so don't dare be late .,., for any reason ! )
Only a few months ago it also used to include this ( Oh and it will again very soon now for number 4 is about to start Nursery ! ).,.,
Off further down the road and into the Nursery estate, try to find a parking spot without another underslept, growling mother already in it ! Then get the Nursery kid into class, also before 9am ! ( But only in the year immediately prior to school ,, before that it's years of the yet different again nursery time of 12-45 to 3-35pm so she has to miss lunch going and have to wait with the primary kids in the car for 20 minutes outside the  Nursery or simultaneously be at both ends of Eastwood since high school and ante-preschool chuck-out is at the same time ( well no one would be daft enough to have nursery and high school kids... would they? ,,, eh well at least 4 that I know of ! )
There's just no rest for wicked mothers !!
And in the same area we have two other Primary options for our kids ,, one comes out at 3-15 pm and the other at 3-30pm !!
How my daughter copes with all this daily organisation AND runs a Business Empire too is beyond me ,,,
I take my hat off to her & her hubby !

Now these education establishments all lie within the control of one Council .,., but you'd never bloody know it would you ?
Talk about Organisational skills ?.,., And they're responsible for teaching our kids !  
God save us from the Clever dicks !!
Make life a bit easier for parents / teachers ? ,,, save hours of unnecessary congestion on our local streets ?,,, save the planet for God's sake with less exhaust fumes filing the air ?,, waste less of our precious natural resources ( petrol ) ? Think about a little co-ordination ?
Not on your life .,.,.,
This isn't just any old Council ,, this is East-Ren Council ..
who live in the land of M & S ( aye and NOD ! )
This is the Dafties Cooncil !!
Time not only the parents wrote to them, but all us local grandparents, road users, and simple logical thinking adults !!  How about starting to do your job Cooncillors .,., ?
and THINK  timetables .,.,?  It's not rocket science !
How easy it would be to organise ingoing and outcoming times for all Nursery, Primary & High schools such that Mum had a single run each way with appropriate 5-minute intervals ??
Or am I just too bloody clever for my own good ?

Sunday, September 05, 2010

So that's what a Quake looks like !

Naturally, (despite the best efforts of our isolationist British press ), we finally heard about the massive earthquake in NewZealand's south island yesterday.
Wow, 7.1 on old Mr. Richter's scale is not to be ignored, now is it ?!
The wee cousin and her family all live on NZ's south island ,, so we thought we'd better Skype her to see if all was ok ?  Needless to say ,,, no answer ,, power / phone lines down we guessed ?
Although it was about 4am local time when we called ! Oops !!
We did see some pics on Google world news and it looked not too bad !! Well not too bad if you're 12,000 miles away on the other side of the planet !
So we left messages ,, on Skype, on MSN ,, on Facebook etc ,,
Call us when ( and gulp ! .. if ,, ) you can .,.,
Some 4 hours later we got a call ,,, & there she was, the Weeyin, sitting in her dressing gown eating her breakfast & smoking her ciggie as if nothing had happened !
The epicentre was less than 20-miles from her front door, the 2nd city of NZ is in a state of ruin, looters are out snaffling everything they can get their hands on, a National emergency and curfew has been called, buildings are wrecked, sewage water is flooding the streets and our kid is chomping away on her morning cereal !
Her grand-daughter and great-grand-daughter and also her son have moved back into her house temporarily ,, theirs have suffered a bit of superficial damage ,, TV's seemed to be falling off walls in every other home ! but weeAnnie needs her breakie & her fag !
She's telling us, between mouthfuls, of the numerous aftershocks that are still happening ,, some as severe as 5.5 on the R scale  .,., aye this always happens she says ! They can go on for days ??
Whit ?  I never even knew they had regular eathquakes in NZ ?  Och aye, she says, we have them all the time ,, but this is the worst one for more than 80-years.
Well you live & learn eh !
Just as we're discussing this, live on Skype, she suddenly stopped eating and said something like ,,,
Ohhhhhh hang on, here it comes agaaaainnnnn .,., and as we watched, there on the computer screen  it was like the world was maybe coming to an abrupt end !  We could actually see her whole room shake, the pictures on the wall looked like they would be on the floor any minute .,., ditto the books in her book case as she held on to her breakfast plate !
Less than a minute later it was all over .,., Wow now that's got to be a first .,., watching a live quake, as it happens !
She then calmly announces that a more severe quake is anticipated in the next 36 hours .,.,
I guess she'll be nailing her plate to the table for that one !! ( & smoking two at a time ? )
So there you have it ,,, isn't Skype a wonderful thing ?,, and all for free too !!
Phew .,.,.,.,
Footnote  2-days later ..... It appears that considerably more damage was done in Christ Church than was   originally thought .,. Maybe that's due in part to the ( so far ) 228-separate after shocks they've recorded .,., Yeah, that is what I said ,,, 228 !!  Bloody Hell .... and they still expect another BIGGIE tomorrow,.,.,. best estimates put it at 6.1 on the R scale !!
Oh & just for the record she tells me they live on the side of some mountains .,., with a bloody Volcano on top but it too ( like their Quake ! ) has been fairly quiet these past 1000 years or so ,,,, she thinks !!