Thursday, March 01, 2012

My Old Pal

I have a friend. He's 80 past ; how I'll never know !
You see, he has an eating disorder. This takes the form of, eh, having a very restrictive diet !
His problem is ; His Mammy didn't skelp his arse when he was a we'an ! That is, the silly woman let this small infant kid dictate what he would & wouldn't eat ,,, Apparently it all started when she once tried to force him to eat Porridge as a wee boy ! ( only oor bloody National staple !)
Anyway this manifests itself today ( and all the days I've known him !" ) into fetishes like ,,,
Oh I don't like that !  To wit my reply is, ( ALWAYS )  but have you ever tried it ?
And strangely enough the answer is ( ALWAYS ) ,, eh, naw, I just know I wouldn't like it !!  Save me !!
He'll take HP sauce if it's out of the original GLASS bottle but absolutely not if it comes from a plastic version ,,, or worse, if someone should put it into a dainty little sauce dish !
He'll eat nothing that smacks of "FOREIGN" ,, try explaining to him that spaghetti is just mince with a little pasta ,, and you get the inevitable Ooooh yuk ,, This man has served his country and gone thro' a world war in the ARMY and still will eat ONLY, mince &  totties, fish & chips, Steak-pie, or chicken !   Even the company Seargent Major couldn't dent his fads !! ( so why the hell do I try ? )
Anyway, as a wee throwaway final comment on his eating disordeer ( now there's a Fraudien slip if ever I saw one ,, Venison ,, Oooo yuk ,, a'll no' eat that kind o' muck he'd say !!
The beloved & I had  him over for dinner the other night.
We stuck with the simple, traditional, steak-pie, tatties & peas .,., Yo a winner !
Followed that with  a simple scoop of ice ctream and a couple of peach halves ,, from a tin !
Ooooh, whit's that ? he asks ,,,  Peaches says I.
I've never tried them he admits ????
Eh, 80, and never tasted a tinned fruit ?
Aye thtat's right he says .,.,
Jesus, I'm livid by now ,,,, JUST BLOODY CUT A SLICE & TRY IT I commanded !!
God bless him, he did his best but at the 2nd. bite he boacked !!
I only like Apples or Oranges he finally confessed ( on the fruit front that is ! )
So the beloved being who she is dived off thro' the kitchen and produced a tin of Mandarin ORANGES ! Ha, success I thought ,,,
Oooooh, whit's THAT he says ,,, Jesus suffering .,.,.,.,  It's WEE oranges says I ,,,
Aye but I don't eat anything foreign ,, you know that Dougie ,,,
Whit the hell's foreign about Mandarin Oranges I finally blurt out ,, choking on my anger !
Chinese he says ,,, MANDARIN ,,, OI couldnae eat CHINESE ,,,,
I rest my case
If you would like to vote that Jim's Mammy has a sin to answer fior & should have given him a sore bum before he reached school age reply to "Dougie's Blog "!!!