Monday, October 06, 2008

It's the way he tells them !!

For those of you who don't already know ,,, I'm quite keen on the odd game of golf !
In fact I'm currently a member of the Cowglen Seniors Group and on the Committee ,,,
Wee Club Secretary no less, and this year also Vice Captain, so I'm quite active !!
Last night we had the Captain over for dinner ( see, I'm a social climber too obviously ! )
Mein Capitaine, ( all salute here ) one James McNamee of the Royal Irish / American McNamees, commonly known to all who know & love him as "Smackmaknee" is something of an old codger !
Currently out of the game with a "bad back" Jim is missing many of his golf days ,,,
He was telling us all about his back problem last night over dinner ; seems this ailment just came about "out of the blue" ,,, ( and him a Celtic man ! ) no actual moment when he did the damage ,, just woke one morning with severe pain in his coccyx area ,, and we all know how painful a sore coccyx can be ( or kok-six as it's shown for pronunciation in the dictionary .,.,,. yeah, ok, I admit it ,, I had to spell check this one !! Ouch as they say !
Anyway he's a very fit 77-year old, generally in the best of health but over the years he has had his little moments .,,. so,
He also told us of the time when his "Prostrate" was giving him some problems ,,, ( and this was nothing to do with lying on a board to help the back ! ) He could only take his late wife into town once he had planned a route around the public loos, & on the golf course he navigated his ball via well kent trees !! He finally had to see the Doc. who sent him for examination at the local hospital. Lying on a table spreadeagled with a doctor and nurse gazing up his ,, eh manhood ,, another wee lassie holding his hand, for no anaesthetic is used in this procedure .,,. ouch again !
A tube / camera inserted he then explained they had taken a wee "Autopsy" from his bladder region and sent it off for analysis !!
Fortunately they found nothing worse than a couple of "stones in the bladder" which were quickly removed ,..,.,
He can now complete a full 18-holes of golf without the need to visit a single tree .,,.,
Strange then that he still hits the ball that way !!
In the same vein, the other members of our committee, all 9 of them in fact, have great difficulty with the new competition I organised for them last year ,.,.our Winter Eclectic .,.,
This is referred to variously each month as the Electric, the Ecelectric, the ecleptic, the ecalectic, you name it ,,, seems I'm the only one who's ever heard the bloody word !

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