Thursday, September 01, 2011

An ACTUAL PASSPORT LETTER as received by the Issuing Authority !

This letter is a thing of great beauty (even if the language is a bit choice) ... You can definitely feel the guy's pain ! 

Dear Sirs,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Sky Television has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a bleeding satellite dish from them back in 1977, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was bloody born and on what date.
For Christ sake, do you guys do this by hand ? My birth date you have on my pension book, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 50 years. It is on my National Health card, my driving license, my car insurance, on the last half dozen damn passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed to step off the plane over the last 40 years, and all those insufferable, & useless census forms.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Phyllis, my father's name is Bill and I'd be abso-f*cking-lutely astounded if that ever changed between now and when I, like both of them die!!!!!!    
I apologise, I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of this utter bullshit ! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my f*cking address !!!!
What is going on ? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal arseholes workin' there ? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to dig up Yasser Arafat, for sh*t sake. I just want to go and park my arse on some sandy beach somewhere warm. 
And would someone please, please tell me, why would you give a sh*t whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days ? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you'd be the last f*cking people I'd tell !
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the poxy city to get another f*cking copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of £30. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day ??
Nooooooooooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make some sense. You'd rather have us running all over the f*ckin' place like chickens with our  heads cut off, then have to find some arsehole to confirm that it's really me on the damn picture - you know, the one where we're not allowed to smile?! (bureaucratic f*ckin' morons)
Hey, do you know why we couldn't smile even if we wanted to?
Because we're totally pissed off ! Aye Wi' YOU !
An Irate Citizen.
   P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since the year DOT !  Way back in the 15 / 1600's ... we have all lived, worked & paid taxes here since then .........
However, I have to get someone 'IMPORTANT' to verify who I am - you know,
someone like my doctor ... aye him WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN F*CKING   PAKISTAN  and came here 5-years ago ! 
( Has anybody at the department checked his passoport yet ?? )


Alistair said...

Aye - very good! Laughed out loud on that one......

The Scudder said...

This one just appeared in my inbox the other day and I too first laughed, then got angry, then laughed again and decided to publish it .,.,
But I want to join this guy's gang !!