Now there's a thought to waken you at 4-30am
I hadn't been dreaming ( as far as I know ) but suddenly, there it was !
And a big question is is too don't you think ?
My mum died when I was about 25 ... so I've been without her for a long, long time, about 45 years in fact !
I missed her terribly at first ,, still do actually ,, I would love to have her back, even if only to chat for a day, but alas life doesn't work that way !
However, when I awoke this morning with Mum in my mind, I got to wondering ,, did I like her ,, I really don't remember ! I'm sure I loved her dearly but ,,, did we like one another or did we just exist as a family unit with little real ties other than blood ?
She was a good mum ,, this I'm sure of ,,, ( not a great cook as I recall but her heart was in it !" )
She did all the pre-requisite mum things ,, put me to bed ( with a story ? ) got me up for school, washed me, fed me, kissed me when I fell over & hurt myself, but, I still wonder ,,,, did she like me ? But more important at this point in my discussion ( admittedly only with myself ! ) did I like HER ?
Then there was dad ! Quite a hard guy to actually love but a great larger-than-life, happy-go-lucky sort of projection he came across as ,,,, outside the family. Oh don't get me wrong ,, Big Wullie wsn't any kind of Ogre or anything at home but he was quite hard work ! Now, was that because of him ,, or me ? Maybe he wasn't all that keen on me as a person ,, again I don't know, not really. And I'm not all that sure whether I really liked him either ? Strange ,,, he was my dad so I must have ?? surely ??
Life was different back in the 50's ,, people didn't dare bare their souls to one another then as they might now ? My own dear wife I'm sure had similar reservations about her given folks but I would never dream of putting words in her mouth regarding her feelings for them !
Back to me & mine ,,, After mum died, dad ( understandably ) became somewhat morose ! No longer the happy guy with a beer & a song . He later found a wee wuman who did him no good whatsoever and, truth be told she ruined any chance of a son/dad love/like relationship.
The question remains then :- Did I like my folks or were they just the people I was required to live with 'til I grew up and moved home ?
Now before I get any strange comments on this blog posting ,,, this is NOT a "phishing" blog !
I know exactly how I feel about my kids & grandkids and how they feel about me ( for we talk & tell each other ) so I'm not looking for any kind of feedback here guys ! ok ?
Oh shit ,,, do I REALLY know how they feel about me ?????????
