Auld guys don't do Gadgets

I play golf with some old guys ,.,. well that way I can win !
Anyway some of them are very good ,,, golfers that is ,,, and fun, but boy are they out of touch with the world of modern gadgets ?
Take mobile phones for example ,.,.
Peter, one of our number ( approx. 72 years of age but very fit & active in body if not in mind !) received a new mobile from his offspring.
Months have passed and he still has absolutely no idea what to do with it ,.,. "it keeps going onto that voicemail thing and I can't get it out again" he tells us.
Turn it ON we all shout ,,,
"I took it into Woolies the other day to see if they could tell me whit was wrang with the bloody thing."
"What kind of phone is it" the girl asks him ,.,.,. "it's one of these Nookie things he tells her ",, aye in all seriousness ..,,. After about 5-minutes talking to Peter she has a few colleagues round her all giggling ,,, Peter honestly hasn't a clue what they're all sniggering about ,,,
He even suggests that maybe he should trade it in for one of the Voodoo phones ,, he's heard they're easier to operate !
Big Tam ( his pal ) suggests ,,, "Naw, get wan like mine" ,, he pulls it out of his pocket and shows it to Peter ,.,. "dead easy to work and only £9.99 ,.,."
"Whit kind is it" says Pete ,.,.,. "It's a wee Shagem !!" ,,, and like his pal he really does think this is the correct pronunciation of his phone's manufacturer .,,.
I thought I'd join in the fun ,,, by this time we are about 10-strong round the table ( the course is closed because of snow ! )
So out comes mine from my pocket ,,, "how about the Sony Erection" I ask him ,,, the sniggering spreads from Woolies to Cowglen ,.,., but does a complete bypass round Pete & Tam!
At this ,, thankfully the greens manager declared the course open !!
God only knows what they'd make of some of my son's crazy gadgets !