Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Hey, It's me ,,, I'M Officially ... The Professional !

Me & the wee wuman went to a wedding on Friday .,.,
It was wan o' thon "duty" doos that ye generally don't really fancy but the bride's Maw & Da are oor pals so ,, whit kin ye dae ?
We went, naturally ,,, ( cost me a wee fortune as well, whit wi' a cheque tae the Bride & Groom and a brand new outfit fur 'erself .,,.
Aye, fae the drawers oot !
Whit aboot me yur askin' yersel ? Naw, I just shifted masel intae the same auld suit, shirt, tie, shoes ,, oh and ma Douglas soaks ! )
Aboot a day ,, mibbie two, afore the weddin', the Faither o' the Bride 'phoned us ,,,
Dae us a wee favour he says tae ma better hauf ,,, get Dougie tae bring his camera and take a few pictures fur us.
Och, Nae problem says she ,, he'd be bringin' it onyway ,, he'll want tae take a few fur us tae !

So along we go ,,,
It's all happening in the Glasgow Registry Office in posh Park Circus ..
A select number of the more "important" guests have been invited to witness the proceedings here in the Poash Hoose, you know, Brothers, Sisters, Mums, Dads, Granny ,, Best Man ,, Bridesmaid ,, the usual lot !
Oh aye, and us ,, me & the beloved !?
I wander into the place after the happy couple arrive, camera in hand, doing my thing !
The Registrar Lady approaches me as we go up the stairs to the chosen suite for today's extravaganza ! Ah, she says, you're the Official Photographer I believe ?
Who, me ? ,,, Naw, naw, naw, I'm just a family friend with a camera !
Oh, she says ,, I thought ,,,,,, Mmmmm ....
Well anyway, she says, when we get to the "I Do" room ,, I'll show you where you'll get the best vantage points for your photos ,,, ???? Oh thanks says I .,.,., So I'm all set ... "Here comes the Bride" music starts and there I am ,, at the ready ,, best position in the room !! Hey, wait a minute, me-suddenly-thinks ,,, where IS the Official Picture Taker for this do ??
Wee Jim, a brother of the Bride ( and hey what a misnomer that has turned out to be ! He's only gone & turned into Johnny Vegas since I last saw him ) is huddled in a corner with a tiny little hand held camcorder .,., doing his thing, one handed ! ...
so there's him ,, or there's ME !!

The Registrar wuman does her bit .,,. the happy couple are pronounced M & W ...
and I'm invited to photograph them signing the log-book ! ( Is this the first MOT I wonder ,,, Married on Time ? ) & then to come upstairs to the photo balcony !!
I'm still trying to come to terms with my role here when I sense I'm being shouted at ,,,
Can the Official Photographer please get up here ahead of the newlyweds .,,.,.
I'm still looking about me when I'm grabbed from behind by the self same Registrar ,,
C'mon she says ,, Upstairs ,, quickly ,,, Yvonne ( the Bride that is ) tells me ..
YOU ARE HER OFFICIAL PHOTOGRAPHER, and there you were, trying to kid me on that you weren't ,, !! Ha, she tells me, the Nikon gave you away !
Honest, that's how it all turned out .,., I was IT !! The Official Professional .,.,Gulp !!
Well after that what could I do ,.,.? I just got down to work .,.,.,
A Photo Album in my day was maybe 20 photos ,,
This one turned out some hours later, and with a full compliment of pals, work colleagues, neighbours etc, at the evening affair, to take shape at about 350 photos !!
All edited, enhanced, cropped, red-eye removed and burned onto discs ,,,,
by my able assistant, The Beloved ,..,,. and all supplied to the happy couple ( 4-copies please ) FREE of course !
That's how they do things in Clydebank obviously .,., but hey, did I mention ,,,
It turned out to be a brilliant day ,, great wedding, good dinner, loads of fun, dancing, singing, craic, and drinking of course ,, a fantastic DJ & late night Buffet for afters .,.,
Really glad we went. We had a ball !

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