Sunday, October 18, 2009

Water, water, everywhere !

There's nothing frightens me more .,., well maybe frightens isn't the right word, but gets under my skin more .,., than water leaks in the house. They always make such a damned mess !
We came home from a jaunt around town the other day .,., As I opened the door & went to switch off the house alarm I heard it .,.,., that nauseating sound ... drip, drip, drip ,,, coming ( and quite fast ) from upstairs in the hall ! I ran upstairs ,, there was water running down the walls, though the ceiling rose & light shade, the carpet was squelching under my feet .,., Oh shit I said ,, what the hell !
I stupidly started to mop up the carpet !! Now there was clever eh ? The light bulb was about to pop ( for hadn't I also switched it on to see better !! ) but there I was ,,, mopping up !!
Not only does water damage make a bloody mess .,., it also turns normally intelligent folks into gibbering idiots !
I recovered a bit ,, dived out to the garage for step ladders to get me into the loft ,, dragged my old bod up there from the top of the ladder and started investigating ,,, I quickly located the problem ,, the big cold water tank had over-filled and water was running off down the overflow pipe ,, This of course should go to the OUTSIDE of the loft but ,, and here was the cause of the flood ,, the bloody overflow pipe to outside was broken ,, inside the loft, and water was running out and dripping down through the rafters and into the hall !
I again turned into gibbering idiot mode .,., Tried getting the broken pipe re joined to divert the overflow into the garden via the correct route .,.,
Now here I was partly successful .,., It seemed to be (mostly) now going out the side of the house ! So I mopped up the loft a bit, came down and set about mopping up the carpet, drying out the ceiling rose, light bulb, and wiring ,,, bursting the water filled bubbles in the wallpaper ,,( big water bubbles ! ) and towelling down the wallpaper .,., Eh ?
We left it at that for a while ,,, thinking what to do next to effect a permanent repair ,,
Call a plumber maybe ? .,., No, not yet ,, let's just think .,., Doh ! ,,,
A few hours later .,., maybe around 1-30am we decided to go to bed and check it again in the cold light of morning .,., That was mistake #2 !! As we went upstairs ( thank God the bedroom was UP ) .,., we noticed a fresh stream running down the now sodden wall !! Oh Shit ! again ,,,
Now just to make you smile even more at this point ,, I had discarded all of my clothes downstairs into the washing machine just before heading up to bed ,, somewhat exhausted from the mental as well as physical effort earlier .,.,., So now it was quickly back up the ladder & into the loft again ,, but this time BOLLOCK NAKED ! And with the beloved holding the ladder ( from below naturally .,., thank God she's not a photographer !! )
Another hour or so & I had just about stopped the flow down the wall ! A few more hours later after a little fitful sleep I got up and checked it all again ,,
OK I announced, it's time to get a plumber out !! Bright or what ?
I spoke to my tame Central Heating Boiler guy ,,
His first question ,, of course ,, HAVE YOU TURNED OFF THE WATER SUPPLY ?
Eh ? Whit ? OMG .,., How could I have forgotten to do that simple little valve turn off thing ???
Told you .,., Water + semi intelligent bloke = complete gibbering eejit !
And the moral to this story is ? Have all water pipes & connetions OUTSIDE the home !!
For of course, naturally, as all women do, before we had even looked into the loft at the outset of this tale ,, the beloved was already talking .,.,., RE-DECORATION of the hall as an absolute MUST !!
As a friend of mine might say ,, Crivens, Jings, & Help Ma Bloody Bob !

1 comment:

Alistair said...

Hullo scudder!

Classic, absolute classic man......

Still look at the bright side, after all those years at last the wee wummin wis looking up tae ye. she might have been feeling a bit sick or just peein herself wi laughter of course.

scary thing is it could just have been me........

{ that would have really scared your wife mind...}

hope it all works out.

thanks for the laugh.........Al.