Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Holy Watter & wee black & yellar hings !

For some weeks, nay months, we've had this wee intermittent kinda leak at the living room radiator inlet pipe. This has taken the form of a damp patch appearing on the new'ish wood floor around said pipe, but days later, mysteriously it would disappear again ,,, Then a week or two would pass with no sign of damp, lulling us into a false sense of "well that's it gone now" security.
Alas no, days later it was back !
Then we decorated the hall .,., part of this new look included moving a well loved ( by me ) but big ( and bloody heavy ) cupboard ,,, out ! Having done this, we then noticed a wet patch on the carpet at the hall radiator inlet pipe !! A very similar small damp patch to the living room, no more than a few inches around the pipe .,., but this time rotting the very good quality Buchanan Tartan carpet there. ( Clannish ? Moi ? )

Time to investigate I thinks ?.,.,., having a paranoid fear of touching anything to do with water systems in the hoose, lest I cause a major flood :-( we called our tame plumber chappie.
Herself had deemed the hall radiator somewhat inadequate for purpose, the hall never being what one might consider warm ! ,, and so she wanted a much bigger one put in anyway ......
( No, I'll no' go there !! )
Our man listened to my theory about the possible cause of both leaks ,,, I had surmised that the pipe ( under the floor ) going from one radiator to the other had maybe suffered a wee burst and was spraying water UP from underneath because I couldn't see any actual water leak above ground ! ? He looked at me like I had a second head ( which also buttoned up the back ) and ran his finger round the offending pipes .,.,.,"Look," he says in that supercilious plumber sorta way .,., "Wet finger !! Water disnae generally spray UP Dougie !"
He promptly produced a spanner & tightened both ( loose ) fittings ( by quite a few turns I might add !!! ) Who'd have imagined that after only 35 years couplings would come loose ? If I could get my hands on that guy who installed the Central Heating !!
Ever feel a fool ?? ( Naw, me neither ,, I generally prefer a woman myself :-) )
Anyway with both leak problems now solved I asked El Plumb if, while here fitting the new radiator he'd replace the overflow pipe in the loft which was broken and which had caused the water running down the walls problem last year that led me to re-decoration in the first place.
"No probs" he says ,, ( and him not even from Oz ! ) "I'll just take a look up there to ensure I bring the corrct size pipe."
With that up he goes on my ladder ,,, pops up the loft cover, sticks his head in to switch on the light ,, and jumps straight off the ladder again shouting ,,, "Bloody Hell, Jesus ! You've got wasps or bees or something up there ".,.,
"Aw jings & Holy Watter" says I ( or something like that ! )
I nip up quickly and replace the loft cover .,., a few wee peeks later I conclude that I have no idea whether said invasion is by the Wasp or the Bee clan ! Wee black & yellow Buzzers certainly !
However after a day or two with the camera & Google help the general consensus is that we definitely have BEES ! ( Honey or Bumble ? don't ask .,., I couldn't care less ! )
I phone the Cooncil who advise that they will come & exterminate wasps for £40 !! ( eh, tell me again why I pay £thousands in Council tax please ??? )
BUT they say, if it's Bees and we come out we will still charge the £40 but bees are PROTECTED & we therefore won't touch them !! You'd then have to hire the services of a Bee Keeper to come & smoke/flush them out and take them away ??
"Eh ,,, Excuse me" I say ,, "these bloody B's are SQUATTING in ma hoose ( well my upstairs property !!" )
"Sorry sir," says the nice young thing "but if you can just wait a bit they'll be gone by end Aug !!"
Gone ? Gone ?? Gone where and can I bee sure they'll have taken all the relatives with them ,, old workers who presumably become redundant in autumn ,, old Queens ??? I really don't even want to think about old Queens in my upstairs ( and definitely not in my downstairs thank you very much ! )
The helpful ( & still fairly new ) son-in-law advises me to look on the brighter side at all the free honey available ( if you can get to it !! )
Wi' these kinda suggestions he may not last !!
I've already had words with the daiughter !
So, as I finish this little tale, I'm in the market ( not the Meerkat ! ) for any FREE advice from Bee keepers or any other learned bodies with a view to a kill or at the very least a rounding up & chasing off of the wee yellar & black varmits so that El Plumb can fix my overflow before the rainy season !


Alistair said...

Classic couple of tales Dougie. I had a big gri on the first and a big wince at the second.

cheers for the half time clip by the way. It's a cracker.

Not half as big a rant as I would have expected here either. You must be getting to golf more these days maybe.

Erm - how's the book coming???


The Scudder said...

You could mibbie just wait wi' yer comments Mr.,,, I was still spell checking ! But it's ok now ,, supercilious an all !!

The Scudder said...

Golfing too much with all this great weather ,, books have gone on the back burner 'til winter !

哲維 said...

Learning makes life sweet.............................................................

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The Scudder said...

Above translates as :
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Vi2139 said...

No pains, no gains...................................................................