Saturday, March 05, 2011

Dusk 'til Dawn SCREAMING !

I had a wee bit of a bad week last week ,,, just the " normal these days " sore stomach, more loo visits, lack of energy, unable to sleep etc ,, On one such night, when sleep just wouldn't come I finally got up and came downstairs ,, around 4am .,. my easy chair in the living room has proved much better to get off to sleep in than the bed of late !
However, prior to sleep came a poem ,, my first !  Words I just couldn't move out of my head 'til I had written them down ,,, It almost describes how I was feeling that night / morning !

Can't sleep
Can't waken
Can't dream
I so want to SCREAM !

Can't disturb the bed
And all it contains
The beloved needs rest
SHE carries no blame
Oh, to just SCREAM ...

Make her believe
We can't go together
We never could
That's a lovely but insane "dream"
You do it for me my love when it's time to SCREAM ...

But ... Can still think
Can still need
Can still weep
Can still love
But still can't SCREAM

Dreaded disease
Wrecks the body
Transgresses the brain
This thing's not over, we fight to the end
Arghhh ... must soon SCREAM ...

The pain can be hellish
But chemo is king
He's going to win
Have to believe
Can't conceive
Of emptiness & nothing
Arghhhhhh I'm SCREAMING ( inside.)

The hands & the feet
Tingling & shocked
The face too but worse
Walking into the Spider's web
The face melts to ice

Loving my children,
Their children too
Is all that I need
To see this thing through
This Nightmare of SCREAMING

Happiness & rage
They're almost the same
I know which I'll choose
On that last page
With another silent SCREAM

A friend's Champagne
Lies still in the fridge
Maybe we'll drink it together
To celebrate an end
Then we can SCREAM ( in joy ? )

A father might lose
This fight to the death
Won't be forgotten
Left happiness behind
Together now .,., Let's all SCREAM

But I WILL SCREAM with outrage
On that fateful day
I'll cling on to still being ...
Alive and hey,
I'm SCREAM ING ... out LOUD !


Alistair said...

To tough to comment on other than to say brilliant.

A scudder's a scudder right enough.

Phyl said...

You haven't blogged in a while but my god was it worth waiting for - I'm speechless... and proud to have you as my perfect dad.