God Only Knows.

The other night I watched a tribute to one of my all time favourite groups, The Beach Boys.
This particular programme was dedicated to Dennis ( Wilson ) and his contribution to the group.
Dennis was a bit of a hell raiser and true mostly only to himself. ( A Hero or a Villain ? )
Perhaps not the nicest of guys, selfish to a fault, but boy did he work at his life's (Good Vibrations ) stuff.
Sadly, soaked in alchohol and hitting the hard drugs hard Dennis, at age 43 burned out and drowned ( possibly even intentionally opted out of life ? .,., Done all he had to do ? ,, ( Sail on Sailor )
Of course I knew the story from way back, when it all happened ,, all the details about both him and the truly genius brother Brian ,, the rest of the boys .,., and the bastard father (who has much to answer for ,, currently rotting in Hell hopefully ) ,,
But why such a price the creators always seem to have to pay for their genius ?
I found the whole thing very moving naturally, but it did set me to wondering again ,,,
( yeah I've mulled this one over many times in the past )
Maybe a 40-year life span lived at a high level of achievement is actually preferable to an 80-year span of ordinaryness ? ( Wouldn't it be Nice ? )
Who has the happiest, best, more fullfilled life ?
Mr. ( flawed ) Genius or Mr. ( conforming ) Average ???
I'll never know now .,., missed my chance years ago !
( brings us back to God Only Knows ? )
But I have my suspicions !!

Let us not scoff .... ( Och aye let's ! )

England are off to the World Cup soon apparently !
It must surely be soon if all the hype is to be believed ?
Wright, Wright, Wright is all a dither already, dribbling thro' his gold tooth at the prospect of his team winning the cup ,,,!

( Somehow my vision is more like him crying after every game ? again ! )
Now remember what I said ,, we mustn't scoff ! After all they're not the brightest stars in the sky, footie players ( or ex-players ! ) are they ?
Fabio is telling his "aces" to behave, not to shame the shirt ,, or be sacked !

Ha ! A bit late maybe Fab ?
That'll be the same Fab who's taken the Captain shirt from the "Love Rat" and given it to the "Alleged Druggie" !
Oh, and the same manager that wants phantom phone texter and "Love Rat II" Cole in the team !! Well at least wee Cheryl has dumped him from her team !

Why aye pet...
Then there's the prospect of the ex captain playing alongside and building "Bridges" with his "friend" Wayne .,., ( well at least Wayne will know where he is for that 90 minutes ! )
The bold Terry only wants to win the Premier League title, the Champions League Cup AND the World Cup, Hahahaha ,,, oh and a few more more Groupies thrown in to the communal bath after the games wouldn't go amiss I'm sure ! ,,,

Only a totally brainless, but very rich, serial shagger could think in these terms and actually believe it might happen ? ( You can't BUY a World Cup son ! )
Well like I said ,, God bless them ,, they need all our support ???
Och naw, let's just scoff and buy the new World Cup tee shirt ,, The ABE !
( that's "anybody but engerland" just in case you've missed it )

PS for Fab : Before & after JOHN TERRY was famously dropped as captain when it was revealed he had bedded Chelsea and England team-mate Wayne Bridge's girlfriend, we also had/have :-
The other Engerland "stars" said to have cheated on their WAGs are, Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Wayne Rooney, David James, David Beckham, Emile Heskey and Gabriel Agbonlahor.
Aston Villa striker Agbonlahor ( some English name that one ! ) got three girls pregnant.

He was allegedly seeing them all at the same time. ( quite a bloody striker then ! )

His Villa strike partner Ashley Young stripped off on webcam for a girl. ( not so much a striker as a flasher then ? )
Spurs front man Jermain Defoe denied being a love rat in 2008 after being accused of cheating on his then fiancée. ( aye right Jer, we believe you ,, even if she didn't ! )
So it's true then ,,, England WILL win the World Cup ?

Alreadty have in fact .,.,., Champs-of-sex-scandal-World-Cup that is of course.

My Beloved Valentine.

Still crazy ( about the woman ) after all these years !

We stopped doing the soppy, stupidly expensive, cards & flowers long ago.

We now choose instead to express our love for one another in the much more practical form of a really nice bottle of wine, given each to the other and drunk over the following days with a couple of equally special, romantic meals for two, sometimes quietly in a nice restaurant, sometimes at home with appropriate background music ...

OK so some might say we are just a pair of old drunks, ( hic ) but I prefer to believe we are telling one another that we are still deeply in love and at the same time doing our bit to stick it to the Greeting Card & Flowers industry rip off merchants !

So on yet another Feb.14 together I raise my glass ( metaphorically of course for it's still only breakfast time ! ) in a toast to the Love of my Life.

Cheers petal, and long may it continue.

Love always xxx xx

You Shouldn't Laugh !,,, No, really, you shouldn't !

Can you believe this ?
A BUNGLING medic managed to give a false LEFT foot to a patient who had lost a right leg !

Aw c'mon ,, you've got to be kidding me ?
And no' only that, the Numpty Doc. technician Malcolm Griffiths, failed to spot his blunder at TWO later check-ups with the patient.

Eh ? Wis he sober ?
The case of the "two left feet" charge is one of a list of complaints that false limb technician Griffiths will face at a disciplinary hearing next week.

Hey, maybe he thought his patient was Jake the Peg ?
He "could" be suspended or struck off if he's found unfit to practise. IF ???
Well he might no' be unfit, but I guess he disnae dance either !!
Griffiths was fired from the "SMART" centre - ( hahahahahaha the SMART centre ! ) a mobility clinic at Edinburgh's Astley Ainslie Hospital - in 2008.
He allegedly fitted the wrong foot to a patient identified as "A".

( And just let me get this right here ,,, "A" didnnae notice either that he had aquired TWO LEFT FEET ? )
He is also accused of causing "unnecessary delay and pain" by bungling the case of another patient, identified as "D".

Aw Don't tell me ,,, he put this one's new heid on back tae front ?
In all, this eejit faces complaints and allegations involving 11 patients.
Let me just comment here, if it took 'till patient #11 before his bosses noticed his poor performance then they should be fired as well !
It's alleged that he "demonstrated continual poor performance in several areas of his work". Alleged ?? alleged ,, who writes this garbage ?
Griffiths's fate will be decided next Thursday by the Health Professions Council Conduct and Competence Committee.
It's only taken from 2008 'till now to figure if this guy is competent or not .,.,.,
Jesus ! Gi' me strength !

When did the Renfrew Ferry last sink ?

The AMPHIBIOUS bus ( the Amfibus ! ) that can travel on water and roads ( Hey, didn't Jesus do that walking on water thing too ? ) has been grounded - less than an hour after taking to the water. Glug, glug Oopps !
Trials on the River Clyde had to be abandoned because of a "technical problem".
Operators, Stagecoach ( Oh stop it ,,, it's the Pony Express again then ? ) were carrying out a two-day test and demonstration ( ha ! ) of the "horse bus" between Renfrew and Yoker.
But the trial had to be aborted when the bus/horse developed a wee problem !
You can take a horse to water you know .,.,., But now, Roy Rogers is being brought in as a "whisperer consultant !"
A Stagecoach spokesman said, "It's all part of the challenge you face when you have a technical trial and we will now go back to the evaluation process." ( Shank's Pony ? )
Horses for courses and all that !
Stagecoach ( can't these cowboys find a better name ? ) had intended to have two hours of tests this morning but had to stop after half an hour.
Glug, glug, glug ,,,, throw that horse a lifebelt !
Based on a bus chassis, the amfibus uses a hull that allows the vehicle to float.
( Aye well, some of the time mibbie ! ) While it operates like a normal coach ( or horse ) on the road, when it's in water it is driven by twin water jets and can achieve a speed of eight knots, but hey, so can a wee submarine !

The £700,000 Dutch-made vehicle ( HOW MUCH ? ) can carry 50 passengers ( right, after you Councillor ? ) and may replace the ferry service between Renfrew and Yoker, which is to be scrapped.,.,., wait for it ,, to save money ! .,., Hahahaha SAVE money ?? Spend a mere £700 grand PER ! and pay suitable compen to all souls "lost at river"! and Bingo ,, we're onto another Glesca winner ! 500-years from now they'll be moaning about it being replaced ,, probably by some wee dependable FERRY thing ?
That 500-year-old Renfrew Ferry service ( which I don't think ever suffered the ignomony of it's about-to-be successor ? ) will stop running in March because operators Strathclyde Partnership for Transport said it needed to save money.
Can somebody please buy these bampots a calculator ?
Incidentally, an amfibus has never been used in the UK for commuters.
( Mmmmm, wonder why ? Maybe they never came up again for air ? )
Anyway, the Spokesman went on to say: "We thought the bus horse would be particularly suited to linking the two sides of the Clyde where you can have one seamless journey from one side to the other ??? He said WHIT ?
"We often look at our rivers and estuaries and see them as a bit of a barrier to travel but we actually think they can be a link between two communities.
He did it again ,, Eh gibberish that, is it no'?
God, and he's still going on .,.,
"This service we think has got big potential." ( For what exactly ? Who still uses the old Ferry ? It's just a tourist or photographer attraction is it no' ? But of course a nostalgic one that should be kept !
I don't remember the last time I saw it actually MOVE and I'm getting on a bit ! )
However, I leave the last comment to the sharp wee cookie wrote about the aborted trial :
Bet that's the last time the driver dips his headlights :-)

An old friend is gone.

I was more than happy some 10-years ago when my job reached the "at risk" stage after some 38-years, and I was later "allowed to leave"!!
Some of my staff/workforce, many of them long term employees like myself, became so much more than mere fellow workers over many of these years. Genuine whole family friendships developed, most of which have lasted a lifetime now.
However, as life & time passes and interests diversify we meet socially less & less and communication finally dwindles to an exchange of Xmas cards with a scant few words of what's been happening in our lives over the previous year !
Silly, silly mistake ! Why do we let this happen ?,, for don't we always end up regretting it ?.,., For no good reason we lose a whole set of friends .,., as if we had a superfluousity of them !
Then one day, completely out of the blue it all comes home to roost, back to bite you on the bum, and with such a vengence !
A good friend and old colleague suddenly and unexpectedly dies. Oh !
Not only that but I now find he's been fighting his killer, cancer, for some 3 or 4 years ,, and of course had I known I would certainly have made a point of visiting .,., How could you not visit a guy who can get into a party mood like this ?
Even worse, his wife & 2-boys were understandably devastated and I have only now found out that his funeral was last week.
A sad news day indeed so today I say a belated and heartfelt goodbye to one of nature's good guys, Cheeri Alex, so sorry to have missed your passing but we'll always have fond memories !

As if there's not enough stupidity in the world already !

Enter PC Plonker Plod !

Aka Shiny Buttons.

This is the bloody no-brain fool who booked a motorist for blowing his nose in his car !!

Forget all the nonsense of whether the car was in neutral, with the handbrake on .,.,

IT DOESN'T MATTER ,,

It's time we told the do-gooder-brigade, health & safety, Bureaucracy-gone-mad team (again) that anybody capable of driving can manage to do such simple chores whether the car is in gear or out .,., we understand how clutch & foot brake work ! ( and we can also light a ciggie, change a Cd, talk to our passengers, check a Sat Nav screen and lots more whilst driving safely, but I won't go into further detail lest any children be reading :-)

However here's a link for grown up people !! ( not Plod obviously ! ) http://www.howcast.com/videos/6630-How-To-Have-Sex-in-a-Car

This is the same clown incidentally who booked another of the public (who pay his damned wages) when the unsuspecting guy dropped a tenner on his way out of a shop !

He was deemed a Litter lout .,.,., ! Give me strength !

Who let this idiot on the Force ? And why is he not now on the dole ??

His mammy should put him over her knee and skelp his stupid arse.

And if this case should ever go to court I would love to see EVERY motorist in Britain sit in their car on the day and get out the hankies .,.,

Let's hear it for the dumbest cop in my lifetime .,.,

Big blow now !!

The Dress Circle ?

The beloved was commenting the other night that we have lost a few of our closer friends over the years .,., some through death, some through neglect but nevertheless our "inner circle" was definitely dwindling !
Time to perhaps add some new friends ? Not a bad idea I'm thinking, so watch out all you unsuspecting readers out there .,., we may well drag you into the "circle" and once in, there's no way out other than the above mentioned ( undesireable ) neglect or DEATH !!

She also nudged me again in the direction of "going out" of an evening !
Movies, theatres, pubs, restaurants, you know the kind of thing ? Again I agreed wholeheartedly. Let's do it ,, more often if not regularly ?
So, this very morning I opened up the Glasgow Theatres "guide," the Concert Hall "what's on," the movies currently doing the rounds .,., in short I'm on a mission !

Gees, I wonder how she's gonna react when I give her the list of up-coming "events here in the 2nd. city of the Empire !" Jes-us ,, this you simply won't believe .,., well I don't !

Offerings from The Pavillion over the next month or two include ; Dorothy Paul ( Once more .. again ! ,, that says it all Dot ! ) Ken ( f**king spare us ) Dodd ! , Sydney ( bloody) Devine ( is he no' deid yet ? ) Dean Park ( good but if you've seen him wance ! ) an evening with Larry ( who? ) Lamb ( Oh that scintillating deid actor from Eastenders ,, what the hell's he gonna do on stage for 2-hours ? ) The Hairy Bikers ?? ( ditto ,, mibbie cook the audience a meal ? ) ,,, then it gets worse ,, aye WORSE ,,, Showwaddywaddy, Jethro Tull, Christian ( now he's definitely deid surely ? ) Joe Longthorne ( he was dying years ago ! ) American Wrestling ( eh ? )
Then there's the sound ( nothing ) like groups ,, Abba, T-Rex, Roy Orbison, Johnny Cash .,.,
Oh and wait for it ,, the absolute end ,, and deid for sure ,, The Magic of Scotland with ,,,
Yep,,, The Alexander Brothers .,., I repeat .,., JESUS !!
Why no' just shut down the theatres ?

The Concert Hall is nae better ,, Celtic connections ( hopeless for wan hauf o' Glesca onyway ? ) Transatlantic connections ( and they Yanks cannae even play fitba')
Oh or Chinese New Year celebrations ?.,.,
Maybe Anton & Erin takes your fancy ? Naw, mine neither !
But of course there's always the BBC Orchestra doing the well loved Schumann !! ( C'mon )

The Kings is possibly even worse ,,, Oodles o' Ballet or a host of "alternative" ( that means swearing a lot ) comedians ?

Oh tae hell ,, Let's do the cinema then I thought ;
Would you believe Alvin & the (bloody) Chipmunks, ( the Squeakquel !! ), Toy Story II ( in 3D ! ), Avatar or Astro Boy ?

Have I just been unlucky and picked the wrong season ??
Or ( oh shit nawwww ,,, ) is this what I've got to look forward to forever more in our places of entertainment ?? HELPPPPP !!! Stop the World ,,, A waant aff .

Fur Rabbie .. wi' love

A've bin threatenin' tae dae this at oor Golf Club Burns Nicht for years ,,,
Wan o' they nichts am gonnie pluck up the courage .,.,
Or dae a mean A'll drink up the courage :-) Whitever .,.,
Mibbie get flung oot oan ma ear though ?
Therr's an afae loat o' real Burns fans oot therr ???
Och whit the hell .,., here goes ! Whit dae ye think .,., ?

Tae a Fert !

O' whit a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in yer belly efter the feastie
Jist as ye sit doon, amang yer kin
Ther sterts tae stir an enormous wind

The neeps an tatties an mushie peas
Stert wurkin' lik a gentle breeze
But soon the pudin' wi the sauncie face
Ill huv ye blawin a' ower the place

Nae maitter whit the hell ye dae
Abody's gonnae huvtae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a wee bullet oot a rifle

Haud yer bum ticht tae the cherr
Tae try tae stoap the leakin' err
Shiftie yersel fae cheek tae cheek
An' pray tae Goad it disnae reek

But aw yer efforts go asunder
Oot it comes lik a' clap o' thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me, a sonic boom !

Goad almichty it fairly reeks
Hope a' huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a' better hurry
Aw whit the hell, its no ma wurry

Abody roon aboot me chokin
Wan or two ur' nearly bokin
A'll feel better noo fur a' while
Cannae help but raise a smile

Wis him ! aw shout wi' accusin glower
Alas too late he's jist keeled ower
Ya dirty bugger they shout an' sterr
A dinnae feel welcome ony merr

Wherr ere ye go, let yer wind gan free
Sounds lik' jist the joab fur me
Whit a fuss at Rabbie's perty
Ower the sake o' wan wee ferty


Slainte

Gericrumbles to a man !

Down at the Golf Club, just for a wee change ! .,.,

I was complaining today about my sore hip, which is giving me gyp !
( Note that wee bit of poetry there on Burns Night ! )
I was told in no uncertain fashion to belt up since I was one of the lucky ones .,., I was one of the Seniors "younger" members and one who was still "intact" !!
I decided to take a snap poll. ( never expecting the result which follows ! )
We were gathered round a table with some 12 golfers in attendance.
Of that lot there were only four who had all their original bones !
The rest ( 8 of 12 ! ) had either a new hip, new knee, or some of each .,.,
The next table had two missing players of their usual 4-ball today ,,, one recovering from a replacement hip job, the other waiting to go in for his !!
Of the two at the table one had had a heart attack about a year ago and the other has had recent eye surgery !
The table on the other side had old Ken .,., suffering badly these days from arthritis .,., He is the guy who walks round the course most days with his dog in tow ,,, it sits tight to the ground when a ball is being struck, then races after his master's ball, circling it after each shot like the Red Indians would a stagecoach, but never ever touching it. ( well trained golfing pooch ! )
Old Ken is now very, very slow and believe it not so is the damned dog ,,, for it too is apparently suffering arthritis in it's old age !! This sight has to be seen to be believed but I swear it's the truth !
Others of our group, but missing today, include, a stroke, three heart attacks, two hips & a knee ( waiting for the 2nd. one ! ) another hip, a bad back and a transplanted kidney !
Oh and a Bagpipe player !! and two other guys wi' deaf aids !!
I don't think I'm in a healthy place right now ?
Geriatrics .,., I mean Gericrumbles tae a bloody man the lot o' them !

Some movies can make you Suicidal !

Watched "The Hours" last night.
I've been a sort of latent Virginia Woolf fan for a long time and read her classic Mrs. Dalloway some years ago .,., a difficult read but well worth the effort.
Mrs Dalloway was the key element of the plot of both the Michael Cunningham novel The Hours and its subsequent screen adaptation. Cunningham's title was derived from Woolf's original title for Mrs Dalloway of course.
His novel won the 1999 Pulitzer Prize for Fiction, the 1999 PEN/Faulkner Award for Fiction, and was later made into this Oscar-winning 2002 movie.
Oh to write such a book !!
The way the movie plot is intertwined with the original novel and Virginia Woolf's own life is both masterful & wonderful. The intricate detail is in every frame if you know where to look.
The movie starred Nicole Kidman as VW, the amazing Meryl Streep as Clarissa ( Dalloway/ Vaughan ) & Julianne Moore as Laura Brown.
VW's war casualty, Septimus Smith, is replaced by the modern day Aids victim, poet Richard but the suicide outcome remains the same.
The movie left me completey drained emotionally and close to tears but what a joy .,., I must watch this movie again ( and maybe again ! )
I recommend it unreservedly, but would urge you, if you haven't already read it, to first read VW's Mrs. Dalloway.

I see the funny season has begun again ,,

And it's begun in earnest this year !
Some clown in Aberdeen is only trying to sell a hole in the ground !
Yours for only an offer over £30,000 .,., Hahahaha you have to hand it to them ? With entrepreneurial skills like this they'll "be millionaires by this time next year !!"
A mere 30 grand plus and you could be the proud owner of not only an old clapped out granite quarry but also the biggest (man-made) hole in all of Europe .,.,
Woop-de-doo, just what I've always wanted !
Phewwwww, thank God I don't have a spare 30 big ones lying around ,, I might just have been tempted !

So, I'm a Pumpa yet again !

The daughter finally gave birth to the new we'an on Mon 11th. at 9-10am
She weighed in at 9lbs-10oz .,.,note the Time : Weight ratio here !
And note also all you Maths nerds ,, she's a Binary Babe ! 11.01.10
I wonder if this now qualifies me for "Super-Pumpa" status ?
Dougie, Master of the Grand Order of Super Pumpas ??
This question follows a chat with my eldest grandson many years ago which went something like this :-
He explained to me one day while we were sitting alone … the 7- ages of man ! ….
He was about 4- years old at the time !
Pumpa ? ! ( well it was a question and an exclamation all at the same time ) he suddenly announced ,
You know what ?? ( a favourite expression of his )
First you're a baby, then you’re a tweenie , then next you become a biggie, then a schoolboy, then a papa ,,,, and then you’re a pumpa …
But that’s only six things I told him solemnly ….
There’s supposed to be seven ages of man ???
What comes after a Pumpa ??
He turned to face me , put his hands on his wee hips in that very special way he does, and shrugged his shoulders in what can only be described as his “ French shrug ! “… and said ….
Poouff … that’s it !
Arghhhhhhhhhh .,., My next step is …… Poouff !!… you’re deid pumpa !
I tried to explain to him that I didn’t really like this “ ending “ since I was already a pumpa and therefore had little time left in his “Cycle of Life”

A few days later he came back to me with this amended version :-
Pumpa , D’you know what ?
No I said , …. What ?
Ist you’re a baby
2nd you’re a Tweenie
3rd you’re a biggie ……
( all of this of course being the various stages of Nursery life )
4th pumpa, you’re a schoolboy
and 5th you get to be a papa
6th You’re a Pumpa ( and all the while he laboriously counted them off on his little fingers.
I had no idea where we were going with his theory this time or whether he’d simply forgotten that he’d told me all this before .
then he finally reached his goal …. All his own thinking too apparently !
7th you get to be a super pumpa !! AND…..
8th Then you become a super, brilliant Pumpa !!!
Well I suppose that gives me a goal to aim for …. For patently I’m not there yet !
Ahhhhhh … That’s my Boy ! he just knew I hadn’t liked the previous ending at Pumpa !!
But 8-stages of man ???? Ah why the hell not ?
Maybe if I ever reach that exulted stage he’ll add another for me ?

Another cracker from our brilliant Government ?

Spotted in a very small inside column in yesterday's newspaper.
The government is making plans to offload millions of doses of swine flu vaccine amid predictions that a "third wave" of the pandemic is unlikely to happen.
Well who'd have believed it ?
Offload it to whom I would ask ???
This was supposedly a WORLD Pandemic so was the UK the only country to buy this stuff ??
If not, then I repeat .,., to whom are they going to sell it ?
The Martians, or some "other worldly" race perhaps ??

Options (apparently) include selling surplus vaccine ??? or donating it to poorer countries !
Ahh, so we've wasted the British taxpayers money yet AGAIN ?
Cases of swine flu have now dropped dramatically to well below what is usually seen in winter flu outbreaks. ie, they were all WRONG ! AGAIN !!

And if there was a buyer in outer space then they've missed that boat too .,., since last week France announced it was selling millions of doses of their swine flu vaccine after finding they had more than enough to cope with any outbreak.

Oh but wait for it .,., here come the excuses .,.,
We have to keep a stockpile for ourselves because we don't know what's going to happen in 2010 .,., Hahahaha, like we KNEW what was going to happen at the start of every other year ??
So, by that reckoning we're also gonna have to stockpile anti-every-other unknown disease serum in case it happens in 2010 ?
If there was a resurgence we would look very foolish if we had disposed of a valuable stockpile. ( Hey, I've got news for you .,.,.,.,., )

Michael Summers, vice chair of the Patient's Association, said it would have been a "dereliction of duty" if the government had not ordered enough vaccine to cover everyone.
Oh, Let's make sure this one never gets into Government for God's sake .,.,!!
But he added, there were "lessons to be learnt" about negotiating contracts of this size.
Oh shit ,, he's already one of them !
Professor David Salisbury, head of immunisation :
The UK bought 60m doses of swine flu vaccine from GSK and 30m from Baxter.
An official figure for the cost of the vaccine to the UK has never been given but it is likely to run into hundreds of millions. ( that's 100's of MILLIONS of OUR money !)
And they accused the bankers of mismanaging our funds !!

In addition to selling or donating vaccine, another option under consideration is to keep supplies of the vaccine adjuvant, the booster chemical which is produced separately from the vaccine, to use in future pandemics. It has a shelf life of five years !
What future pandemic ?.,., when's the last time we had a pandemic ?.,., certainly more than 5-years ago .,., so what this actually translates into is simply this .,.,
By the time they come to dispose of it ( down the proverbial pan ) they'll think we'll all have forgotten, ( like they think we've forgotten their illegal expenses claims ) & of course they will no longer be in power and so will gleefully blame the next lot !!
Tee-hee-hee .,., what fun games these Politicos play !
Anybody got a spare wall we can line them up against ?

Come back Heather ,, all is forgiven !

Jesus it's cauld ! I don't remember a caulder day than this one and I've lived through quite a few ! Last night apparently, Scotland was as cold as the South Pole .,., I believe it !! Brrrrrrrrrrrr ..... I thought this was the Soo' Side, no' the Soo' Pole !
For the first time ever, well in the 37-years we'd lived in this house, we have a frozen pipe .,., :-(
Our small downstairs toilet, on the porch, ( that's inside of course ! ) is on the only outside wall not protected by cavity wall insulation and it feels a bit Baltic in there .,., the radiator in the wee'est room is just no' man enough to do the business obviously !!
Brrrrrr .... -23* C .,., When is it gonna end ? We Scots are no' made for these conditions .,.,
Nae chains for oor car tyres, nae furry boots, nae skis, nothin' ..,.,
and if you'll notice, it's all happened only since oor wee Heather ( the weather ) went away !!
Even the maddest of golfers can't play in this .,., and yeah, I'm one of the maddest so I know what I'm talking about !
Let's start a petition to get the BBC to "Bring Back Heather" .,.,
Judith, much as we lust after you, you've obviously simply not got Heather's weather gift ?

Prevaricating Politicians .,., Aye, so what else is new ?

The scorn and anger against the Islamic group planning a protest march with coffins through Wootton Bassett, the village renowned for honouring troops killed in Afghanistan, has intensified with Gordon Brown saying he is “personally appalled” by the prospect.

David Cameron, the Conservative leader, has condemned the proposed march by these people as “completely unacceptable”,

Chris Grayling, the shadow home secretary, called for the group to be banned, accusing it of wanting to “whip up hatred”.
He added: “I have already called for members of this group to be prosecuted for some of their activities and the Government should now ban this group altogether.”

East Kilbride Labour MP Adam Ingram, a former armed forces minister, told The Herald: “It is an outrage that people should even consider besmirching the good name of our service personnel in such a way. “This march and demonstration have no place in our democracy.”

Wiltshire Police said the force was aware of the “significant community concern” caused by the proposed march and could “in exceptional circumstances” apply to have it banned

What's wrong with these idiot Politicians ? Do something about it then !!
It's bloody simple as far as I'm concerned .,.,.,
­Islam4UK, a branch of the extremist al Muhajiroun movement,who are planning to have 500 members parading with empty coffins, symbolising Muslim victims, – should be lifted by our Special Branch MI5/6 and DEPORTED, and without any need for costly trials either .,.,.,
It's high time these foreign extremists were told ,,
THIS IS OUR COUNTRY and we don't want you here.

Rant time 2010 has begun !

I know we all live in the same world but how often do we stop and look at what's going on ?
The stupidity surrounding us is quite staggering at times ,, in fact most of the time !
I sight a few examples from today's newspapers .. but it could be ANY day's papers !

We're so surprised at having snow in winter in the UK that we're now about to run out of grit and salt .,., yep, and with at least another 10-days of freezing conditions and more white stuff falling .,., we can't find any grit !! Prepare to stay home !!

New security at our (Western ) airports means we will soon need to check in 3-hours ahead of flying !! Seems to me like the Terrorists have won the war ? No way will I be spending 6-hours in airports just to prove I'm not carrying a bomb in my boxers ! ( Yeah it's the same on the homeward journey ! )

Here's a goody .,., if you're ever caught speeding .,., always insist on seeing the Calibration Certificate for the camera used .,., chances are it's way out of date and you'll walk, with your driving licence still intact ! Thank you Dougie !!

More good news .,., the Recession ( that man made Banker ruse that's been used to rob us all .,., again ) will begin to end in the Spring ! We're to recover some later in the year .,.,
Oh goody, just in time for the next batch of lying, cheating, thieving, expenses driven MP's taking over as Government ! Tories this time round ?,,, Wow, what a difference that'll make :-(

Last item today ,,, Have you ever read through the COMPLETE list of New Year's Honours ?
I have ,, today ,, first time ever ! And last time ever !,,, But I do urge you .,., cast an eye over this lot .,., thousands of them .,., it's absolutely unbelievable .,., both the number and the reasons for their "honours." .,., You'll find them ALL in today's Glasgow Herald.
Here's just a wee selection ,,,

The ROYAL VICTORIAN MEDAL
Bar to RVM : Anthony John Hardingham, RVM, Tractor Driver, Sandringham Estate.

RVM
Glen Andrew Beveridge, Executive Butler, Government House, Melbourne. Mrs Patricia Joyce Earl, Housekeeper, Sandringham House. Constable Kevin Gande, Metropolitan Police. For services to Royalty Protection. Mrs Andrea Elizabeth Hudson, Cook, Royal Lodge. Miss Beverley Jones, Assistant Dresser to The Queen. George David Main, Gamekeeper, Balmoral Estate. David James McIntosh, Security Office Team Leader, Palace of Holyroodhouse. Mrs Vivienne Oates, Linen Room assistant, Buckingham Palace. Richard Sands, Yeoman Warder, HM Tower of London.

It really is time to rid ourselves of these Royals .,., as far as I can see all they do is take the piss !

Speaking as a Golfer !

Is this weather no’ hellish ?
I’ve completely forgotten now how to address a ball .,., Is it Mr, Mrs, Ms .,.,or Hey You Ba'??
And, the forecast is for MORE OF THIS white stuff for a further bloody fortnight !!

The lovely Judith just isn't doing the job Heather left her !

I can’t take it any more .,.,., I’m off to join the Tiddlywinks Society :-)
At least I can play that game in any kind of weather .,., I think ?
It's either that or "Heid-in-the-Oven" time has come ? mibbie ?
Or mibbie no !
C'mon weather people .,., let's get real .,.,

This is not keeping me fit, nor is it keeping my wee wifie sane !!
Ex Captain & current Secretary of .,.,., eh, nothing !!
PS : Have y'all seen the latest Golf Ad on Sky Sports ,,?

The orchestra conducted by our Ryder Cup Captain ?

Bet you didn't know Big Colin was such a fun guy ??

Dooougie the Scudder

A Bit of an Upper & Downer !

Went down to see the still pregnant daughter yesterday.
She'd told the NHS to stick their Caesarean section and waddled home again .,., she doesn't have time for a 6-week recovery with 4-other kids and a business to run she explained, and she'd had 8 pounders before so a 9 pound odds would be a case of grinning & bearing it !
Ouch as they say !
Anyway they decided ( her & her man ) that the house needed to be completely changed round, yet again !! The biggest boy ( 12 ) needed to either share with his little brother (4) or move into a smaller room so that two others could have his bigger room !!
He'd opted for the Greta Garbo "I vant to be alone" route so ,,, this gave them a problem !
The smaller place had been a child's bedroom and the daughter ( among her many other talents ) being something of an artist had done a 4-wall mural of dinasaurs et al floor to ceiling !
Very, very good they were but definitely NOT a 12-year old's dream decor !
So, I was sent with the almost teen to the wallpaper shop while mother went to the Queen Mum's place for her latest baby scan .,.,., only to be asked on our return if I could just paper the room TODAY ,,, like eh, 30th. Dec. just when I'm planning a lazy day in front of the TV with maybe a wee refreshment or three !
So we started at 4-30pm, me & my faithful paster assistant .,.,
Then in the middle of the job came the UPPER referred to in the title .,.,
With one & a half walls completed we were shouted down for dinner .,., and tonight it was the turn of the said 12-year old to prepare .,., He made us possibly the best Lasagne I've ever tasted .,., his 9, well almost 10 year old sister prepared the salad ,,, and together they also produced a huge bowl of delicious home made chips and a couple of garlic bread baguettes .,.,., Now this was no small undertaking ,, this was a meal for EIGHT !!
I now begin to see the logic light at the end of the daughter's tunnel .,., a use for all these we'ans my daughter keeps producing .,.,.,
If they are so well trained in the art of cookery at this stage, then by the time they're finished they'll have a full compliment of Butler, Chefs, House Maids ,,, the lot, for their old age !
Brilliant !
We were later brought drinks at the work place but I suspect ,, just to ensure we'd finish the job !! And so we did ,,, at 11-45pm !!
Home, knackered, large whisky & bed followed in quick succession ,,,
Thankfully that's ALL the rooms ( in that house ! ) finished .,., for the moment ???
Phewwwww ,,,,

And another ,, It's nearly there !

My earth mother daughter is expecting ,,, well we all are really !
Child number FIVE is imminent ! Yeah that was FIVE, it wasn't a misprint or anything ! I'm what's called a Super Pumpa ( that's Gramps to all you who don't know such words ).,.,

So much so that on her visit to the Doc yesterday he said ..
" Where has she gone ( the latest baked bean is another girl btw .,., it was either that or another boy of course !) .,., there's only 2/5ths. of the we'an left in your belly ( and if that's only 2/5ths. of it, all I can say is ,, Jesus !! ) .,., the rest is somewhere down in your pelvic region !! "
So she says " a new year baby then ?"
"Ha, what makes you think you'll last that long ?" says the good Doc ( who incidentally specialised(s) in gynaecology so presumably knows a near thing when he sees one ! ,, although it does give ME a little cause for concern when I go see him !! )
So anyway, the beloved & I are now preparing ourselves for a house full of little people when the Bells finally come in ( what a daft expression, there's nae bells comin' in here ,, no' enough room ! ) at midnight tomorrow !! Well we can hardly leave the other 4 out in the street now can we ?
Who knows, at the rate they shove these poor new mothers back out of the maternity NHS bed we'll be lucky if we don't have all five here complete with the new again maw & paw !
I really must get round to explaining to this child of mine what's causing all these we'ans to keep turning up !