A Near Disaster Down a French Coal Mine !

Also click on this link & watch the video :

http://culturebox.france3.fr/all/2254/

Ok, so here it is ,, that story referred to in my previous Blog. ( with photo & video update above )

A work colleague, Malcolm Marshall, & myself were sent off on a MISSION to France for the Company back in the winter of 1993 or '94 .. ish or maybe even earlier ?
A coal mine, Freyming, in the Alsace Lorraine district, south east France, on the German border was having serious problems with a huge batch of our world famous underground Methane detectors, a semi portable combustible gas detector specifically designed for underground work.

( although to this day ,, you just try getting a real miner to leave the canary top side ! )
Malcolm was to be the technical Whiz since this was a “Safety Division“ portable product.
I was to be the overseer, both technically and commercially ,,, the customer contact man and prime negotiator ,, ( not Malcolm’s forte ! )
Ronald Scott, our MD at the time, had advised me that this would be a huge challenge, since if these instruments had to be returned for full credit we would lose a fortune, and also lose all follow up sales in Europe to boot !!
Och no problem then, thinks me ,.,. gulp !!
Anyway off we set ( with barely a word of French between us I might add ! )
We arrived and were ensconced in a wee French hotel in the middle of nowhere, somewhat akin to a poor Travel Lodge type of thing !!

( Ronald was obviously treating his top men well ! Big Bugger ,, he later got an MBE for his services to industry while we did the work ! ,, but a good guy really on reflection )
Next morning we were up with the lark and off to the Pit .,,. Introductions were made between us & the Mine Management personnel ( English speakers thank God ! ,, no need for our school boy French or translators ,, above ground at least ! ) We also met all the appropriate technical engineers who would be working with us, some of the miners using the equipment and of course the pit’s Lamp Man ! .,., he who dishes out safety helmet, Davy lamp, gas detectors etc, to the guys going underground for their 7-hour shift.
We were then taken to the Pit changing area to get kitted out for our first trip underground ( in France that is ,,, we had been down many other UK pits before this )
The sun was just coming up now for we’d set off very early to try catching the 6-am shift going down ,,, It was a typical late autumn, early winter morning in France ,, slightly misty, with the sun breaking through with great shafts of light coming in the windows.
I had expected a British style worker’s changing room with bench seats and lockers round the walls for our clothes etc ,,, but what I saw when I entered this ENORMOUS ( football stadium sized ) room was a sight that will never leave me ,,, it took my breath away ,, mine and Malcolm’s .,,. I looked around at eye level ,, body height ,,, no benches, no lockers ,,, ( we were alone in this room, the miners having already passed through ) then something drew our eyes upwards ,,,, a movement above us, the roof was a multitude of glass panels some 50-feet up ,, the sun was streaming in, in great wide shafts ,,, it took us a moment or two to focus ,,, then .,., all of a sudden, there they were ,,,
Bodies seemingly, dozens of them, swaying, ever so slowly turning, arms hanging limply by their sides, legs quite still, hanging 20-30 feet up in the air ,, on chains !! I couldn’t help myself ,,, “ Jesus Christ ! ” I shouted, “ what the hell is that “,,, then it all became clear ,,, These were the French Miner’s lockers in the sky .,.,., we quickly learned how to use this most ingenious but bloody scary contraption. The “body holder” ( in reality a fancy coat hanger with places for trousers, jackets, and even hats ,, ) was lowered on a long chain ,, you then proceeded to undress yourself ( standing up ! ) and dress the dumb waiter ,,, once you had donned your dungarees, boots etc, all your clothes & valuables were then hoisted up to whatever height you considered “safe”, where you then fastened a padlock through the chain, pocketing the key in a safe place in your dungarees, leaving your stuff dangling in the air till your return.
This is a sight I will truly never forget ! Oh that I had had my camera that week .,.,

I have now learned they call this room "Salle des Pendus" ,,, or "Room of the Hanged Men" ,, how very apt ! ?
Anyway, to cut a long story somewhat short ,,, Malcolm & I worked diligently for days on end down in the bowels of this pit, the deepest, muddiest and furthest train ride then walk to the lowest coal face I’ve ever seen, ( we were on our backs at some points at a 2-foot face ) trying to figure out the problem of these faulty instruments ,,, ( this was one of the Company’s most successful lines in preventing underground explosions so it was baffling that this French company ,,, one of the first to use them on the continent ,, was having such problems.
We monitored every unit going underground, checked it on it’s return, saw them being calibrated in the lab ,, everything ,,, and still the faults came ( instability, odd alarms ,,, ! )

We were beginning to suffer from sleep deprivation trying to cover all shifts during the day’s 24-hours.
Then came the long awaited breakthrough .,.,., first, we were very close to Hombourg Haut, my son-in-law’s ( at the time ! ) family home so I decided to take Malcolm for an evening visit to meet my French in-laws.
Secondly, André’s dad, wee Roland, was a very congenial host and plied us with the family's “Home Made Schnapps” as well as tales of when he himself worked in the very Mine we were investigating !! ( he had actually been Freyming's Lamp man years before ! ) Wow, What a small world I thought ,,,
Anyway, Annie & Roland fed us a splendid meal and home we eventually toddled to our sumptuous hotel ! ( NOT )
A few days later, about 10-days now into our visit, much more technical data taken and analysed, and more and more distraught calls from our home based MD, Ronald Scott, bemoaning our progress or lack of ,,, we hit the Mine for the mid morning shift changeover and were in the calibration lab when elevenses happened !
In comes the old Pit Lamp Man carrying a tray of drinks !! Eh ? Whit ?? The guys all have their little glass of “hooch” with their morning croissant ,, including me of course !! but not the dedicated Malcolm ,,, who carries on calibrating instrument after instrument ,,,
Shit, I suddenly think ,,, this is what my son-in-law's old man Roland had told us and we didn’t twig ,,, the Lamp man, with absolutely bugger all to do for the whole shift time the miners are underground, becomes the pit Schnapps Maker !! They have their own illegal distillery in practically every pit in France apparently ! .,., but I didn’t for a moment consider they might actually drink the stuff whilst calibrating their life saving instruments ( or prior to going underground !! )
Even yet it still hadn’t percolated through my sleep deprived brain ,, but as I swigged my drink and calibrated my next instrument it suddenly dawned ,, like a shaft of that great sunlight it hit me ,,, Malcolm missed it because he remained tee-total on the job !
For the non-technically minded among you , methane ( the potential underground danger gas ) is a simple hydrocarbon .,., alcohol is similarly a simple hydrocarbon ,,,, the instruments being zeroed on pure nitrogen of course, and then spanned ( calibrated to correctly read explosive levels of methane gas ) were being confused and incorrectly zeroed because of the hydrocarbon gas on the lab technician’s breath ! ( and similarly later underground on the miners breath ! )

Ipsofacto the calibrations were all over the place giving spurious / false alarms. Problem solved !
I proved this to myself by simply breathing up close to the instrument sensor and then called out to Malcolm “ Pack your suitcase ,.,. We’re going home my son “
An afternoon of discussions with the Mine Management, a call to Ronald ( who practically kissed me thro’ the phone and was forever after grateful ) and we were on our way ,,, but not before the very grateful and relieved Mine Manager ( for it was he who had specified using the MSA instruments and not a local alternative !! ) presented Malcolm and I with very special gifts. Mine was a hand painted Japanese water / Sake jug with 6-little drinking glasses ,,,, ( how appropriate was that !! ) .,., each glass with a different naked woman on the inside base who only shows when there is Sake or clear liquid in the glass ,,,
I still have it to this day ! I don’t remember what he gave Malcolm .,., something different but equally unique !!
I rather think however, we were not quite as popular in the Lab or down the pit because a stop was immediately put on their mid morn hooch habit !!

From Coal Miner to Professor ?

We were just talking last week ,, her indoors & me ,, about our new ( 'ish ) son-in-law !
Don't worry Thomas, it was all pretty positive !
We were kinda doin' a comparison twixt the old & the new .,., and really it wasn't the sons -in-law, but the Maws & Paws in-law who were being compared.
First off we had one of the salt-of-the-earth .,., little Roland, the Coal Miner .,., I had stuff in common with the wee man from Hombourg-Haut, having spent much of my own working life in the pursuit of underground life saving instrumentation. I even spent the best part of 2-weeks working in his Pit in France investigating peculiarly French problems ! ( something for another blog perhaps )
Then we got Peter, the absent minded Professor ... now Peter & I have little in common, work wise, even less belief wise, for Peter is a University Prof. of Theology & Divinity, but that aside he's a helluva guy and we get on like long lost brothers !
Roland, in his own quiet way was a fun wee man .,., alas, sadly now gone, both from our family and from this mortal coil ,,
Peter could never be descibed as a wee guy ,, more something of a man mountain ,, but both these guys enjoy(ed) good company & good whisky .,.,., In different circumstances I could actually see them also get on well together !
In France the Mother-in-law to my dear daughter was like a real mother, but more of a granny in both age & attitude to her beloved #2 son. Annie never worked outside the home ,,, but she did more than her fair share in children & culinary duties. A lovely old lady. I miss her.
Now there is Brita, who never stopped working ,,, and what fame she brings to the family ,, first ever Lady Minister of Religion in all of Denmark ,, Brita has now been forced from her beloved Church & into retirement ,, and she's finding it hard ! ( I must introduce this woman to Golf ! )
Like our sorely missed Angela ( our son's Ma-in-law) Both women in their own way are gems .,., I'm so happy to have known them .,., but I also wonder now, after the divorce & re-marriage, what they all think of us ,, the other side of the coin ?
Anyway, getting back to the first thought .,., not surprisingly, since the daughter chose them both, there are similarities betwixt the sons-in-law past & present .,.,
Both are absolute NERDS !! but there is a very fundamental difference .,., which I now see daily. The 2nd. ( and hopefully the last ! ) has brought the joy back into my daughter's life .,., his love for her shines like a beacon in the fog .,.,
Thomas/Phyllis, you need do no more than love each other this way, always, and you'll be the happiest of people.

Water, water, everywhere !

There's nothing frightens me more .,., well maybe frightens isn't the right word, but gets under my skin more .,., than water leaks in the house. They always make such a damned mess !

We came home from a jaunt around town the other day .,., As I opened the door & went to switch off the house alarm I heard it .,.,., that nauseating sound ... drip, drip, drip ,,, coming ( and quite fast ) from upstairs in the hall ! I ran upstairs ,, there was water running down the walls, though the ceiling rose & light shade, the carpet was squelching under my feet .,., Oh shit I said ,, what the hell !

I stupidly started to mop up the carpet !! Now there was clever eh ? The light bulb was about to pop ( for hadn't I also switched it on to see better !! ) but there I was ,,, mopping up !!

Not only does water damage make a bloody mess .,., it also turns normally intelligent folks into gibbering idiots !

I recovered a bit ,, dived out to the garage for step ladders to get me into the loft ,, dragged my old bod up there from the top of the ladder and started investigating ,,, I quickly located the problem ,, the big cold water tank had over-filled and water was running off down the overflow pipe ,, This of course should go to the OUTSIDE of the loft but ,, and here was the cause of the flood ,, the bloody overflow pipe to outside was broken ,, inside the loft, and water was running out and dripping down through the rafters and into the hall !

I again turned into gibbering idiot mode .,., Tried getting the broken pipe re joined to divert the overflow into the garden via the correct route .,.,

Now here I was partly successful .,., It seemed to be (mostly) now going out the side of the house ! So I mopped up the loft a bit, came down and set about mopping up the carpet, drying out the ceiling rose, light bulb, and wiring ,,, bursting the water filled bubbles in the wallpaper ,,( big water bubbles ! ) and towelling down the wallpaper .,., Eh ?

We left it at that for a while ,,, thinking what to do next to effect a permanent repair ,,

Call a plumber maybe ? .,., No, not yet ,, let's just think .,., Doh ! ,,,

A few hours later .,., maybe around 1-30am we decided to go to bed and check it again in the cold light of morning .,., That was mistake #2 !! As we went upstairs ( thank God the bedroom was UP ) .,., we noticed a fresh stream running down the now sodden wall !! Oh Shit ! again ,,,

Now just to make you smile even more at this point ,, I had discarded all of my clothes downstairs into the washing machine just before heading up to bed ,, somewhat exhausted from the mental as well as physical effort earlier .,.,., So now it was quickly back up the ladder & into the loft again ,, but this time BOLLOCK NAKED ! And with the beloved holding the ladder ( from below naturally .,., thank God she's not a photographer !! )

Another hour or so & I had just about stopped the flow down the wall ! A few more hours later after a little fitful sleep I got up and checked it all again ,,

OK I announced, it's time to get a plumber out !! Bright or what ?

I spoke to my tame Central Heating Boiler guy ,,

His first question ,, of course ,, HAVE YOU TURNED OFF THE WATER SUPPLY ?

Eh ? Whit ? OMG .,., How could I have forgotten to do that simple little valve turn off thing ???

Told you .,., Water + semi intelligent bloke = complete gibbering eejit !

And the moral to this story is ? Have all water pipes & connetions OUTSIDE the home !!

For of course, naturally, as all women do, before we had even looked into the loft at the outset of this tale ,, the beloved was already talking .,.,., RE-DECORATION of the hall as an absolute MUST !!

As a friend of mine might say ,, Crivens, Jings, & Help Ma Bloody Bob !

Who's the Racist ?

My better half came up with an interesting slant on the current Whoo-Ha going on over that daft dancer ,, Anton du what's-is-name ,, him who, for tonight's show at least, is having to have full armed security around the studios to protect him from possible attack from the crazy fundamentalist Muslim militants we let stay in OUR country !
What was daftie's crime ? He jokingly said his dance partner looked like a "Paki" after a tanning session. Now here's the rub, according to my beloved !
Since Anton's lovely Moroccan woman partner took such umbridge to this remark .,., ie, insulted to be called a "Paki" .,., then surely it's HER who's the racist ,, not the obviously joking dancer ?? Good point my dear .,., I couldn't agree more .,.,
Get her some security quick !! The Loonies might have worked this out too !!

Two wee gems from today's Paper

IN ANOTHER case of manufacturers stating the bleeding obvious. a guy who was ill a few weeks back was prescribed the antibiotic Augmentin.
He read the obligatory information leaflet dutifully, and as always there was a long list of possible side effects, which finished with, ‘In extremely rare circumstances deaths have been reported’.
The leaflet then went on to advise, in bold letters, ‘If any of the above happen to you, stop taking Augmentin and see your doctor straight away’ !!
ie, see the Doctor right away if you die.

THIS is toilet humour at its very best ! A guy from Charlotte, North Carolina, wrote : “I have a friend who was once a toilet attendant in London Kings Cross station and I asked him what the job was really like. ‘It’s murder, ’ he said. ‘Ye get awe the weirdos in. Pimps, transsexuals, glue sniffers, drug addicts, drunks, tramps…the list goes on and on and on’.
“He finished with, ‘Matter of fact, when someone comes in for an honest tae goodness shite it’s like a breath of fresh air’.”
Hahahaha, sniff that for a lavvy laugh !

Dreamin' again !

It happened again last night ,, Zzzzzzzz ,,,, there I was .,.,., dreamin' !

This time I wasn't laughing .,., This time I was very puzzled, perplexed even ,,,

A quick glance at the old luminous dial on my wrist told me to get back to sleep .,., It was 5-05 am !

What had wakened me this time .,., well who knows how this stuff happens ,, I was desperate to remember the correct names of ,,, wait for it ,,, The Proclaimers twins ! Eh ? Why ? God alone knows ,,, I went thro' all kinds of Scottishy type names for the boys, but could I remember ( or get the buggers out of my head ? ) .,., Nope, for the next hour I lay tossing names around in my stupid head then it hit me .,.,., No, not the twins .,., another one jumped into my crazy cranium .,. Buddy Holly .,., what was Buddy's real name .,., Oh Jesus, that does it, I thought .,., I'm sleeping no more tonight/this morning ! ,, this'll take another bloody hour ,, and so it went on ,,, it was 8.am when I finally gave into this nonsense ,, simply couldn't cope with the trauma of not remembering these guys names any longer .,., so up I got, down the stairs I went, and sat down for a wee morning chat with my old pal, Google ! Christ, what would we do without our old pal Google these days ? The good Mr. G provided the answers in the blink of an eye .,., wonder if he'll come to bed with me tonight :0) .,., just in case ? Or have I just dreamed up a new perversion ?? Oh and just in case you get addicted yourself .,.,

Craig & Charlie Reid .,., and of course, Charles Hardin Holley .,., ( with that extra "e" )

How could I possibly have forgotten Buddy ?.,., I've known that ever since The American Pie crashed !! Dreams are funny things .,., Nae wonder Auld Freud made a mint .,.,

Oh and just by the by .,., It suddenly dawned on me the connection .,., it's the Specs intit !

Phew ,, glad I at least got that wee bit sorted out.

OMG ,, now that's really spooky ,, I've just noticed ,,, Buddy died on the 2nd. of March

That's my beloved's birthday ,,, Look at her photo .,., with the Buddy Holly Glasses .,.,

Mr. Freud, please tell me what this all means ...

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

A Happy Period in my Life too !

A few years back I owned the above Fiat Coupé. It was a dream machine. I bought it brand spanking new and in the only colour worthy of the car .,., Fiat YELLOW ! That's, in yer face YELLOW with sexy BLACK touches here & there ,,,

It had the look of a Lamborghini .,., it really did ,,, ok a poor man's Lamborghini maybe, but a real stunning LOOKER !

Often I was asked when parking ( ok, generally by overawed little boys ) .,., Mister, is that a Lamborghini ?

However, I didn't have to travel too far for my ego to be well & truly grounded .,.,

I worked in Coatbridge at the time ( you know, The Bridge ,, hame o' the Buckie ) and every morning as I rolled up to the office I would hear the cat-calls coming from my shop floor work force .,., ( both Guys and Gals ! )

Oh here comes the Boss in his Yellow Fanny Magnet ! ( actually it was here comes that Buckie bastard in his Yella Fanny Magnet ! )

Since that time Fanny Magnet has always been a favourite expression of mine ??

Which brings me to my subject matter today !

Have y'all seen that new TV ad for girls / women's eh, feminine toiletry care things !?

The one where the Always panti liner ( tampon back up I'm reliably informed ! ) thingy has a couple of steel ball bearings fleeing up & down ( and side to side & round & round ) .,., in the fanny area ?

Now I can imagine how she might be having some fun with this Bagatelle going on in her nether regions ,,, but I also worry for her .,., passing any magnetic source is going to do her quite a mischief is it not ,, so my advice to these Happy Period Lasses & Ladies is simply this .,.,

Always Beware Fanny Magnets girls !

Dream Laughing

I had one of those dream laughs just before wakening tosmorning !

I love those ,,, actually woke me up .,., giggling out loud in my sleep like a daft teenager.

And what was so funny you might ask ?

Well, it was last night's TV believe it or not .,.,.,

The beloved asked me to switch on the Graham Norton show ! Now you're really confused aren't you ? GN funny ??? Eh No, she just wanted to see the Ozzie, ONJ

At this point anyone who knows me & my views might find it odd that I joined her in viewing the little JJ's show !

However, right away I was hooked .,., On came the other Ozzie (& his wife Sharon ) Osbourne .,., not quite so hooked when Ricky Gervais joined them on the couch , ( he has always fallen just short of my sense of humour I'm afraid ) but I stuck with it.

Ozzie & Gervais instantly took over the show giving Norton very little to do or say which suited me fine !

Ozzie has "written" a book on his life ( some might call such a thing an Autobiography but I doubt Ozzie could pronounce such a big word ! & besides he freely admitted to just talking to a Ghost ! )

Anyway Norton has book marked a few interesting pages for discussion ,,,

But Ozzie starts to tell of the time when he was at his peak as the Prince of Darkness .,., trying to get off a plane somewhere and avoid the masses of fans .,.,., "I was whisked off by the stewardesses " he said .,., and that's as far as he got before Gervais leapt in with .,.,

"Oh, 1st. Class then .,., I need to talk to these airline people .,., the best I ever got was an extra glass of champagne !!" That did it ,,, Gervais finally made me laugh .,., I think for the first time ever. He certainly got to Sharon who almost choked on her drink and fell off the couch !!

Olivia, when she finally came on, bless her, tried hard to keep up with the Ozzie/Gervais humour and to be fair, she wasn't bad but hey, a Princess of Darkness she isn't !

Strictly Come Dancing ? No, I don't think so !

Just watched this video ,,,
Hope I can show you it here ,,

Now this is what I call DANCING !

And all done in one take, first time !!

As Mr. Sinatra says ,, You'll never see the likes of this again ,..,

And look ! Eleanor Powell can do it fully clothed !

Eat your heart out Craig Revell Horwood, Bruno Tonioli and your gang of rank amateurs !

It's Sport Jim, but not as we know it !

Listen to this will you ?
Sorry, of course I mean, read this if you will !
Football, Golf, Cricket, Rugby ( both kinds ,, oh & French ! ) .,.,., No it doesn't finish there .,., keep going ! Please ...
Snooker, Pool, Motor Racing, Motorcycling, Horse Racing, Greyhound Racing, Boxing, The Ultimate Fighter, Tennis, Athletics, .,., Bowls, Ten-Pin Bowling even .,.,., and there's more !
Now we have American Football ( a misnomer if ever I heard one ), Karting, Tightlines, Angling ( I know it's supposed to be the most participated-in sport of all time but honestly ,, who cares ? )
Then there's Watersports ?, Hell in a Cell ? (Cage Fighters ), Wild Spirits, Raw, Smackdown, Max Power, Hockey, Ice Hockey, Rallying, ???
Up next are Russian/Spanish/German/Dutch /Portugese football, Ozzie football ( another misnomer ? ) Extreme Wrestling, Yachting, Sailing, Power Boating, Speedway, Darts, ( isn't this just Beer Drinking under another name ? ) Surfing, Kiteboarding, Poker ( Card gambling is SPORT ? and worth watching ??? ) Aerobics, Polo, Beach Polo, Modern Pentathlon, Basketball, Netball, Freeride Spirit ?, Judo Action, Mountain Biking, Show Jumping, Squash, Baseball,
On top of all that we have Transworld Sport, Premier League World, Ajax / Bayern/ Barca/Real Madrid /Man U/ Liverpool/Rangers/Celtic TV, and still it goes on ,,,
It's Sports ad nauseam ,,, 80% of which is MINORITY sports, not in the least interest to anyone on the bloody planet ?
And for these" Murdoch having a laugh " offerings we pay £55 a month ! And the bastard has the gall to throw in, at no extra charge, but real extra annoyance,,, an AVERAGE 20- adverts every 10-bloody minutes.
How does he get away with it ?? I'll tell you how !
BECAUSE WE DON'T ALL STAND UP AND TELL HIM .,.,.,.,
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH .,.,., STICK YOUR SKY SPORTS UP YOUR ARSE !
( withdraw our monthly subscriptions & stop paying for this shite ! )

Auld Age disnae come Alone !

So there we were, the beloved & I, sitting at the dinner table enjoying a nice evening meal .,., cooked entirely by me tonight ,, the wee wifie not feeling too well ,, so a simple Fish & Chips dish, but with a wee touch of class .. Peas & Celeriac thrown in at no extra charge ! ,,
( Hey ! Do I know how to treat a girl or what ? )
Anyway, there we were, chomping away, ready for a quiet night by the fireside watching Tv ( this can be translated fairly easily into snoozing in the armchair while the Tv plays to itself ! )
When all of a sudden the back door opens and in walks the daughter, her man and the we'an, Anna-bits ? Hi, shouts Big Tam ,,, ( Me thinks ) What the ,,, ( but says ) Oh Hello peops ,,
They take off their jackets, the we'an's outer clothes and sit themselves down.
I begin to think to myself ,,, Oh help, what's up ,,, why are they here at this time of night ,, what news have they got for us ,,, Has Thomas landed a big contract ? Have they come to celebrate ?,, Has Thomas lost a big contract ? Are they here for succour and comfort ?,, To drown their sorrows ? What ??
I look again and Phyl looks quite upbeat ,, in fact now that I check out her face for signs of ,, something ,, I see she is made up ,, lippie on , hair all nice ,, Mmmmm it's a celebration then ,,
Can't have come to tell us she's pregnant ,, already done that !
Ok ,, I take the last mouthful of my fish and the remaining solitary chip ,, I chew a little and form the question in my mind ,,
It comes out wrong ,,
"So" I says ,, "to what do we owe the pleasure of this strange time of night visit ?"
Eh, they say in unison, looking at one another with that ,,, What are these old tossers on look ,,, we're off out for the night ,, you're baby-sitting ,, don't you remember ?
You promised about a fortnight ago ??? Ahhh !
Well, then it all comes out in the washing .,., The Beloved ,, all by herself and and completely unbeknown to me ,, had promised to babysit but had subsequently completely forgotten all about it ,,,!! albeit she did say there was some little niggle going on in her head about the 2nd of Oct !! Like I said at the beginning ,, Auld age and all that !!
Anyway the young folks were going pubbing with an ex colleague in town ,, Phyl being preggers suggested she might come home alone early ( at the back of 9 to watch her fav celeb Barbra on the J Ross show ) and leave Thomas in the pub ... so we kept the we'an happy and out of bed 'til about 10pm ,,,, mummy didn't show so at that point me & Anna decided to have that wee snooze on the chair after all .,.,.,
Obviously they had a good night for the pregnant driver & the slightly less than sober dad arrived back to pick up their offspring around 1-30am !! Where they got to after pub shutting time I never actually found out ?

Falling Standards ?

I've had a busy week this one past.
I seem to have been 'phoning or writing complaining every damned day to somebody or other ! Now that's not like me, I'm really not a complaining kinda guy :-(
First it was the barely run-in Microwave .,., less than 6-months old and the internal light pops !
So I call B & Q for it was supplied by them as part of our new kitchen ,,, it's an integrated unit with no visible means of changing the bulb.
Wait for this .,., eventually, after some 4-calls they decide that they don't send out engineers to fix these things .,., so they've sent to SPAIN ,,, where the micowave was manufactured, for a new one !! So we're now having an engineer come to fit a NEW £130 unit because the light bulb has blown ! Now that's what I call Progress ? ( with a capital "P" !! .. aye and that stands for PISH !!)
Next the Printer .,., as y'all probably read already, Epson printers no longer accept any ink cartridges but their own .,., so after much growling & nashing of teeth I simply took this unit back to PC World and they exchanged it for yet another (upgraded ) printer. ( This is more progress of the '00's ?? )
Last Xmas I bought my beloved a nice ( and not too cheap ! ) pair of emerald earrings and a matching necklace. This month one of the earring posts broke off ,,, she had actually predicted this happening because the design of this post was not good & different to that advertised when I bought them ( online ).
So I wrote and asked ( nicely of course ) for a full refund since the said jewellery was not fit for purpose.
No probs ,, they said sorry for your bother, send the whole kit & kaboodle back and we'll refund your money. Ok, a result here ,,, and a philosophy for all Xmas's to come I'm thinking ?? Rent-a-pressie's for 9 or 10-months ,, send it back, get the money back in time for the next year's Xmas pressie !! You've cracked it son !!
Finally, my wonderful new sound system ,,, the big Sub Woofer started cracking and growling like a demented Big Cat ,,, so guess where it's headed ? Yep. back for repair/ replacement after only about 5-months light, intermittent use !!
So the final roundup looks like this :- Microwave ( Spanish ), Printer ( Japanese ), Jewellery ( British ) and Hi Fi speaker ( Chinese/British ),.,., all rubbish in one way or another .,., This simply wouldn't have happened in my working life .,.,
I guess with all of today's mind boggling techin-ology .,.,., standards are FALLING World-Wide ?? Now isn't that Real Progress ?
:-(

Ah Mad Wee Dinner Jacket !

The wee cocky Iranian, Ahmadinejad you really have to admire ?
For a wee guy he sure has balls !
He's happy ( it seems ) to take on the might of the USA & the Western world ( us included of course ) and tell them ( aye & us too ) just where we can shove our self righteous, holier-than-thou, hypocritically pious, sanctimonious smiles .,.,.,
And how can we, in all honesty, say that the wee guy's wrong ?
He's looking after his country's interests .,., looking out for #1
He may not do things the way we do but I repeat .,., what makes him all wrong and us all right ??
I've never been able to figure what gives us the right to have ( and continue to upgrade ) our Nuclear weapon arsenals ( in fact our WMD !) but tell them ( and others ) that they can't have any ?
Oh I forgot .,., we are more human than they are .,., Right ?
Or is it that our religious beliefs are much more sound than theirs then ?
Eh, we'd never imprison or torture our enemies, that must be it ?
C'mon .,., the wee guy definitely has a point here .,., somebody needs to sit down & talk to him instead of simply tossing around empty threats .,., for empty they are .,., unless of course we intend going the whole hog and Nuking Iran ???
For Christ's sake ( or should I say for Allah's sake ? ) let's get real here .,., after all the wee man says "manufacturing of WMD has never been on our agenda ".,., He might even be telling it like it is .,., they just need to generate power for industrial / domestic use ??
Aye right son ,, or maybe he just wants to have the same weaponry that his enemies have ? A very reasonable want .,., if you put yourself in his shoes ?
I wouldn't like to live in his country right enough .,., but I like this wee guy's swagger and the glint in his eye but most of all I admire the way he absolutely refuses to wear a TIE, wee dinner jacket or no', so there you go ,, he's a man after my own heart ( at least on the TIE front ! )

Epson Ink Cartridges

I have been using Epson Printers for some years now.

However, over the past 3-years or so Epson have changed their policy on Customer Service.,., drastically !

From being a once helpful and friendly company who sold reasonably priced printers, scanners, copiers etc. they have now changed tac.

Now they purport to sell cheap ( low cost ) units .,., almost at giveaway prices they say ! Ha

And so where do they make their profits then, you ask ?

Why that would be on replacement ink cartridges of course .,., the dearest ( most expensive ) part of any user's outlay.

But Epson have gone two or three stages further .,.,

The bastards are now adding software into their printers /cartridges to stop their customers using anything other than THEIR ink.

You just try getting an Epson printer to accept any "Compatible" ink cartridge nowadays !

What they are saying in effect is ,, If you don't use their (ridiculously expensive ) ink cartridges then your printer is DEFUNCT .,., a bin case !

Now I find this more than a little offensive ,, I question the legality of creating a monopoly supply, not to mention actively working to put your competition out of business !

I don't know about you but I will most definitely NOT be dictated to by Epson ( or anyone else ) as to what I can buy to use with MY property !

I don't recal Ford ever telling me what petrol I MUST use in my car ,,, the washing machine people don't try telling us which washing powder we MUST use in their machines ??

So where do these printer people get off trying to force us to use ONLY their bloody expensive ink .,., ??

I dare say their legal department have checked out this practice so technically legal it may well be ,, but morally, it's up their arse ! Absolutely bloody outrageous I call it.

I have now written to them and spelled it out ,,, I will not let this one go ,, I intend pursuing it all the way to ,, well let's try Watchdog for starters !

I also now urge all friends, relatives, friends of relatives and readers of my blog to BOYCOTT EPSON ! Let's hear it for the COMPATIBLES !!

Con ( A'm Fuckin' Thick ! )

My wee pal was over last night for a meal and a wee swally ( or three :-), him and the Missus.

We'd fed him ( handsomely I thought .,., well done my wee beloved ... what a meal that was !), wined him, beer'd & vodka'd him and were quietly having what I thought was a grown up, semi intelligent conversation ( for were't we all just a little oiled ? ,, ok, maybe not Mrs Con ,, she was being good, although she didn't tell us why ? )

Anyway, the girls frequently exchange books and this ritual had just been carried out when we decided to have a little fun with Connie, the READER ( not ) !

Con reads a book maybe every year or two, aye and that's a maybe ? ,,, and yeah, I did say ,, A BOOK !

He starts a few but if page 1 doesn't grab him by the goolies then it's quickly despatched to the nearest bin !

This is the guy who famously took some 6-months to read only 50-pages of the riveting page turner, Dan Brown's Da Vinci Code !! In his own inimitable words ,, " if it's no' the Beano or the Dandy I don't waant tae know .,., why d'ye waant tae read onywey ? .,., why dis onybody waant tae read ? I waant to watch the world ,,, see the fields ".,., ( hands upstretched like a preacher at this point ) .,., as if it was impossible to do both !!!

"Look" he says "A'm fuckin' thick ,., ten "p" short o' the bloody shillin', and a'm happy wi it !"

So there you have it, all you budding or established authors .,.,

Forget ma wee pal Connie,, he's no' the least interested in yer bloody books .,., he's away oot tae watch the world !!

Nikons are Go .,.,The Re-Awakening.

It's time to take up my camera & get down to some serious photography again.The bug has been biting away at me for some months now and the last week has just convinced me to get my trigger finger out and start shooting again !

Three things have brought my re-awakening to the surface .,.,

1. Bones showed me his fantastic new lens ,, and the sensational pin sharp quality photos it's capable of taking.

2. I watched the Seeing Scotland Special on TV tonight with the excellent Charlie Waite showing some of his wonderful Scottish landscapes pics .,., and advising on some of his photography techniques. A very good teaching hour for beginners and long-in-the-tooth established photographers alike.

3. I intend showing my grand-daughter this hour long tutorial with additional helpful tips from myself ( and if she's fit enough & has ANY free time on her hands for outdoor photo shoots with all her family & work to take care of on the run up to her next baby, my daughter too ! )

So, I'm off now to have a think on some local 'ish locations for some exciting photo opportunities for me & my wee apprentice Lottie. Her next sleep over includes an early morning and dusk photo shoot ! Hope she's still as keen as her old Pumpa ?

The Vampire finally got his way !

The friendly Facebook friend ( I thought ), the good Doc ,,, Bones T, finally had his evil way with me !

For some years now, on & off, for I very rarely visit his dungeon, my GP has been asking me to take these MOT bloods as he calls them !

Finally last week I stupidly went to see him to find out what his diet secret was .,., He's a big lad and had reputedly lost over 3-stones in a month or so, in fact 50 lbs in 5 weeks ,, WOW !

I was impressed and wanted to lose a bit myself ( again ) so by invitation I went to find out his secret. Silly, silly move Scudder ! This daft boy is on a 500 calories a day, 4-cup-a-soups ( light variety ! ) and water .,., No solid food whatsoever .,., No nothing else at all .,., Eh, and him a doctor too ??

Well I said, ta very much, but you can count me out of that one ! I'll get back to talking to old Dr. Atkins, a much safer bet.

That did it ,,, Oh well he says, at your age we should just check your bloods before you go back on the diet ,, what was your last Cholesterol reading ??

Eh,,, never had it checked in my life I'm afraid, says I .,., I just follow my old Ma's advice and go to work on an egg ,, with toast and lots of butter of course !

We'll get the nurse to do your MOT next week he says .,., just come in before you hit the golf course, it'll take a mere 10-minutes .,.,.

What could I do ? I suppose I've put this MOT off long enough and I'm not getting any younger !

So, today I got introduced to Janice, who took my height, ( a little on the short side at 5'-10" for my weight ! ) weight, ( definitely now on the heavy side again at just under 16-stone ! Oops, how did that happen ) blood pressure ( I don't remember the numbers but it was fine )

All the while talking she filled about 5 of these little vials with my bloods .,., hey that's nearly an arm full as old Tony would have said !!

They're now going off to, God knows where, to check the function of my liver, kidneys, prostate, diabetes and on & on ,,, so 10-days from now I should know if I've got much longer for this world or if I should dig out that Will !!

Actually Techin-ology sucks !

I'm having nightmares again with all this bloody new-world techin-ology !

The son visited yesterday .,., hardly was he in the door two minutes when he asks .,.,

So Dad, have you up-graded ( or was it up dated ? ) your Wii ( or was it my PS3 ? )

I put on my most knowing, educated face and replied ,,, Eh ? Whit ??

He then proceeded to take my hand sets ,, ( I think he needs to take my hand these days and forget the bloody sets ! ) it was actually BOTH the Wii and the PS3 in the end ,, and go thro' some kind of ritual kneeling at the feet of the great Tv set on the wall ,, the new Hal of the 21st. century ?

A lengthy high mass of button pressing ensued after which I received "The Demo Run", to show me all this exciting new stuff now at my fingertips !! Very interesting, clever even, the new features flashed over my screen ,, but, I ask myself ( quietly, out of hearing range of my son's ears ! ) will I EVER find these things again ,,,?

Appparently I have new games, news channels, superbly accurate all world weather ( according to the son so much better than our own home based wee Heather .,., sorry hen but it wisnae me that said that ! ) .,., new inter -connectivity of my Wii with the internet ( I can now access the WWW via the Pc, the PS3 or the Wii .,., Wow ,, will it ever end ? And a huvnae even mentioned the new iPhones doing the rounds yet !

I really believe we oldies now need some kind of new "back to college refresher course" to deal with today's techin-ology .,., a certificate of competence should be issued before they allow us to buy such toys ? We could do this course online and I thought .,.,.,of course .,.,

Certificates could be issued via Facebook or Twitter :-)

They got that one right !

Loved the new site being talked about in this morning's newspaper .,.,
It's for Politicians only use .,., called Two-Facebook !!

As I was Saying, Techin-ology is a "wonerful" thing !

Oh yeah, I just knew this was going to be a fun week or two .,.,

The Wii thingy came into its own this pm !

The daughter, her man, and all the myriad of grandkids came a calling .,., ( always feels a bit like Central Station here when they all come together ! )

First Marcel, who had already created his Wii-Mii character some days ago got back in action trying to beat his now 31-year old granny's records at Ski jumping, and slalom ski racing .,., !

Then Charlotte too created her image and tackled Yoga exercises .,., followed by a few ski jumps too. The little kids were enjoying trying some of this stuff too ,, without actually "being there", but jumping on and around whoever was on the fit board !

Next, and last for the day, of course up jumps Thomas .,., you could see he'd been itching to join in the fun since he came in the door ,, the poor guy simply couldn't resist the temptation any longer ,,

Up he got, made his image and started off with some Yoga ,, but with tight jeans on !!

Mmmmm, it was near impossible for him .,., so naturally .,., off they came .,., the breeks , the socks, ( I stopped looking then ! ) .,., if he was going to do this stuff then Thomas was going to do it right .,., Ohhelpmaboab ! ( I was real worried now ,, for didn't these boxer shorts look a little on the tight side too ??? )

God ( & Thomas' mum ) help us if they come off next I thought .,., and of course Thomas also has another BIG problem .,., no, no, not that ! ,, the guy's just too tall for this wee house of mine ,, doing his Yoga he can actually hold himself steady by pressing his fingers into the ceiling !!

Now I call that chea.,., eh, unfair advantage !

He's also a central 'ish European, so skiing comes naturally to him ! Chea,,, chea,,,

But I feared for the overhead light shade when he leapt up into his jump position ! Ohhh eh .,.,

Anyway I now see quite clearly ( and tried to tell Thomas at the time ,, but alas he didn't hear me ,, having far too much FUN !! ) that there is a gap in the market place for this new techin-ology .,.,

An outdoor version for playing in the garden is a definite necessity ,,,, in fact a bloody MUST lest the living rooms in both our houses are reduced to Keep-Fit rubble ,,

I now give you my laughter-tonic-attached-picture ( above ) .,.,

Case now rested :-) !!

Talkin' "Techin-ology" !

That word btw, was orginated by my dear grand-daughter, Lottie, when she came home from school one day ( at about 5 years and 1 week old ! ) & told us she now had the "techin-ology "! Anyway, I had another go at learning some new stuff myself today ! No, you're never too old !!

Having watched the son re-programme my TV / multi unit remote control hand set from his house while it was in mine !! I figured, I need to keep up here or get lost in this new techin-ology abyss !

So, I now have a new programme on my Pc .,., it's called Simplify Media .,., this clever little programme lets me access stuff on my son's Pc !! I can look at ( and use ,, ie, play songs from ) his juke box ,, his photo albums etc ,, without the need to visit !

Of course the down side to this "ology" is that he can also access my Pc ,, :-(

( I better watch what I download in future I guess !! )

But isn't that amazing ,, I can have free input to his entire record collection ( so to speak ) and play the stuff on my home music system .,.,

This stuff could be kinda mind-blowing to an older guy than me you know !!

Next I decided I wanted to make up some MP3 discs to play music of my choice in my new car, which of course incorporates not only the old fashioned Cd player but also the more advanced MP3 system ,, Ooooph ya .,.,

So, I set about creating a Play List ( showing off again am I ? ) ) of some 800 of my favourite songs .,., this took me a day or two to drag & drop from the Juke box .,., however I then asked the Pc to Burn this lot onto a disc ( or 4 ) .,., ( I asked nicely too ! )

The entire burning process for 2Gb, 48-hours worth, or to put it simply, 800 songs, took less than 10-minutes .,., and all done in full surround sound quality !!

I can remember when you could only record plastic gramaphone records onto a tape using a microphone sat in front of the single record player speaker .,., ( and that was Hi Tech then ) and you also got every other noise in the house on the same recording ! The budgie tweetering away in the background ( no, I don't mean Twittering ! .,., that's another subject for another blog ! ) and Ann's old man shouting at it to shut up .,.,

Christ, I can even remember changing the sapphire needle every 3 or 4 plays of the old 78 rpm records !

Boy but we've come a long way from there have we not ?

A New Era ?

I noticed of late that my Blog was becoming one of moan, groan, angst & anger.

So, for the next wee while at least I'm only gonna write happy stuff !

You see, I am fundamentally a happy-go-lucky kinda guy .,.,

Recently herself & me both bought new cars .,., well you need toys to enjoy retirement !

I got a £200 road tax rebate on my old car ( I had just taxed it for a year prior to selling it and I was damned sure Arnold Clarke wasn't getting it ! Oops sorry, that was almost a rant coming on ! .,., Anyway, I cashed it in )

My beloved had been hankering for a Wii Fit thingy so I bought it for her with this cash-back from Swansea ! Console, hand set, games Cd, and the Wii Fitness Board !

Haha, You'd actually think I knew what I was talking about here wouldn't you ? .,., Don't be fooled .,., the son helped us install it all doing practically everything on Skype from his computer to ours !! See today's techin-ology, it's pure magic intit !!

Anyway, one of the things that has been making me happy ( actually giggling like a teenager ) over the past week or two now is watching my beloved enjoy herself. Not only having fun, she's becoming so fit, losing weight jogging, jumping, skiing, playing tennis, doing Yoga, .,., the bloody machine talks to her and tells her daily her weight, her Fitness age and even chastises her if she misses a session ! She does all this with a huge grin on her face, talking back to the TV screen .,., it's either Fun or Senility, I'm not sure which yet ? Wii tells her she now has the fitness & body of a 38 year old ( this doesn't please the daughter ! ) But it's now even getting me interested in trying it !! I mean, if I have to keep up with a 38-year old bod .,.,., Yabadabadoooooo !!

Edward Moore ?

Why are the Yanks ( and others around the world who should know better ) making such a fuss about the runt of the Kennedy litter ?
They can't all have forgotten surely ?
This is the good ole guy who was allegedly shagging ( sorry, having an affair with ! ) his campaign worker ( behind his wife's back ! ), the young & impressionable Mary Jo Kopechne, her who was in the car accident on Chappaquiddick Island, remember, the car he was driving .,., the one where he ran off and left her to die, trapped under the cold water.
The same guy who was thrown out of Harvard college for cheating !
Great Liberal Senator ? Not in my eyes he wasn't .,., not fit to tie the shoelaces of either of his brothers .,., even his parents compared him unfavourably with his older brothers .,.,nice folks eh ?
He enlisted in the US army and applied to join the Intelligence corps .,., after only 3-weeks he was thrown out of there too !
He used his Daddy's political connections to avoid being deployed to the Korean war .,.,
Liberal ? Yeah very, with his womanising, the truth and any kind of backbone !.,., and somewhat academically challenged to boot.
At least his wife saw him for what he was ,, she divorced the bum ,,
His Democratic challenger way back once said it all .,.,
" The office of US Senator should be merited ,, not inherited ! Had his name been Edward Moore ( instead of Edward Moore Kennedy ) his candidacy would have been considered a joke ! Don't you think that Teddy is one Kennedy too many ? "
Yep ,, me too !

Time for a New People's TV Charter ?

God but I'm sick & tired of bloody TV adverts.
It's not that they now take up almost equal time with the programmes .,., that's bad enough !
it's that they are the same ads repeated & repeated .,., in fact "ad" nauseam .,.,
On the Sports channels it's a constant bombardment of gambling ads .,., come play Bingo, poker, bet on this, that or the other .,.,
On other channels, we get a different batch but they are then repeated similarly time after time .,., dare I say it again ,, ad bloody nauseam !
Don't these imbeciles know that this kind of brain washing doesn't work .,., it simply gets people ANGRY ! Angry enough to now instantly shut off all adverts .,.,
I think it's now way past time for Government intervention .,., Brain Washing is not allowed in Western Civilised Society .,., this "rubbish" is acting against my civil liberties and I want it stopped .,., NOW !
Had I Elvis' money I'd shoot a TV set a day .,.,
Had I Bill Gates money I'd shoot a TV ad man a day !

What is it with this Auld Age ?

There I was, minding my own bloody business when Wap ,, It just hit me .,., Lost Memory Syndrome !
I'm writing .,., yeah still .,., a book or two ,, ok it's actually 4 now that I have on the go ,, yeah, simultaneously .,., DOH !
Anyway, the memory loss .,., oh yes ,, I keep my books "security passworded" so that their release to the world will be when I'm ready .,., but Jesus, for the past two days I've been sweating a bit .,., their release to the world looking like .,., eh, NEVER !
The ole memory bank ran out of funds .,., I couldn't, for the life of me, remember my password for 2 of them ! ( yeah stoopid I know ,, I have differnt passwords for different projects ! ) so for the last 48-hours I've been typing in possible password combos in an effort to gain access to my own work ! And for 471/2 of these the combos turned out to be quite futile .,., eh, wrong !
And I might add, I also have my written WILL protected in the same fashion ,, with the same password ! And IT was the actual reason for wanting in to these files at this time .,., my dear daughter having, since my First Will and Testament was writ, divorced & re-married ! So the ex needed to be changed to the current ! ( sorry Thomas, I'm sure you're the permenent not just the current !) and so it all started .,.,
However, all's well that ends .,., remembered !!
Phew .,.,.,.,

So, Common Sense really is OFF the radar now !

We knew for weeks it was going to happen .,.,The newspapers had already told us he'd been sending his goods back to Libya for the past 6-weeks ! ( Hey, what the hell goods can a life serving mass murderer have in jail that takes 6-weeks to ship out for God's sake ?? )
They also reported that he'd 'phoned his wee Libyan mammy and told her he'd be home Friday !
And all this BEFORE Kenny MacAskill, Scottish Justice minister, had decided his fate ,,,
Aye right !
We did hope however that common sense might yet prevail because of the public outcry !
But alas NO .,., the do gooders win again ! ( damn them all to Hell )
We've only gone and been fooled yet again by the terrorist minority !
Going against the massive, almost total, outcry of Scottish public opinion and the abhorrence from the world in general the Scottish Government have only gone & released this murdering bastard Libyan fanatic. We, the public, had wanted to see him die a long slow death IN JAIL, where he belonged, with as much suffering as possible .,., our big regret of course being that he was alone in there .,., for it's for sure that more than him were involved in this atrocity .,.,
but will we ever learn the WHOLE TRUTH about this crime ? Not in my lifetime I fear ,,,
Both the US & UK governments are hiding it from us for reasons best known to themselves ,,
it was a cover up at the time and it's still a cover up ,, so WHY ??
Or is it simply that the price of a few barrels of oil = 270 lives ??
Anyway I and all true Scots wish the Devil's spawn Magrahi the most suffering possible for as long as he has left on this planet and an excruciatingly painful death ,, in fact what a pity prayers are not answered ,, for wouldn't that plane taking him home have looked so good crashing in flames in a little town in Libya ?

When did it happen ?

Sometimes I sit here and just wonder ,,,
Tonight I'm wondering .,., When did the beloved & I become so angry ? Not with one another ( well not always ! ),, but with life in general ? What pushed us over the edge ?
Was it this useless bunch of Politicians trying ( and failing ) to run our country .,., was it the greed in big business ,, the stock market swindling us out of our money .,.,
I don't rightly know but I do know we now get upset, angry, downright agitated and aggressive about so many things ,,
Stuff that wouldn't have bothered us at all years ago suddenly has us enraged ,,, eye poppingly red faced .,., beside ourselves with fury ,,, ( can our blood pressure stand it ? )
We can no longer tolerate the stupidities surrounding us ,, the news throws up so many nonsenses on a regular, daily basis ,,, I could list them but that's not why I'm writing now .,.,.,
I go back to my pondering ,,
Am I still enraged about my mother's untimely death all these years ago ?.,.,
Yes ! of course I am .. Do I still miss my silly old mother-in-law ,, Yep, that too ,, Jean could be fun ( some of the time ! ).,.,
Do we regret leaving Ann's Dad in the street when he was evicted ,, Is that a guilt trip we're carrying ? Yeah I guess, even that hurt ,, ( but we did it for all the right reasons ,, didn't we ? )
Could I have stopped my own Dad from suffering such a stupid early death ?
Who knows these things ??
Are we angry for our son & dear daughter-in-law .,., for our daughter and new dear son-in-law ?
Their problems are our problems ,,, naturally .,., but can it be something more than all these things ?
Is it simply an age thing ,, are we just getting old .,., ( and with old age comes intolerance, doesn't it ? )
Do we see the end coming with so much still undone ??
Mmmmm ,,,, I'm still thinking and wondering !

Hell hath no fury ,, like a Doctor divorced !

Richard Batista wants his kidney back ! .,., or at least the next best thing .,., $1.5M
Doc Batista from New York, didn't just give his wife his heart when they married.
In 2001 the love sick Doc gave his beloved one of his kidneys when she was dying of renal failure. However, Mrs. B is now fighting fit again and demanding a divorce and the good Doc says it's payback time ! ( ya bitch ? )
The story is probably a little more complex than the recent brief news article suggests but it does give us this terrible warning :
Isn't a society in which everything is reduced to a mere commodity hopelessly lost and degraded ?
Aye and so say all of us !
Old Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice comes to mind but hey, I'm keeping an eye on this one to see if the good Doc gets back his organ !! :-)

Who ARE these people ?

Found this nonsense in a newspaper article this morning .,.,
Reporting on the sad death of three fishermen from a capsized boat, it said .,.,.,
"The three men might have been saved if they'd been wearing a lifejacket or Personal Floatation Device ( PFD )" I ask you ,, ? a personal floatation devi ce !! a whit ?
Who are the idiots that come up with such shite .,., ?
and more importantly, who lets them away with it ??
If you were the editor of said newspaper and your reporter came up with those words would you not just fire him ??
I'm so fed up with this rubbish .,.,
I'm starting a movement right now to rid us of all this kind of stupidity .,.,
Anything of this nature that I see from now on I will ridicule mercilessly .,.,
and write to the editor in charge.
Who wants to join my gang ?

Golf

Watched the so called "Scottish Open" from somewhere down the Bonnie Banks over the last few days .,., I refuse to give the sponsor of this event any mention whatsoever since all they have done is devalue what little money I had.

Similarly I refuse to mention the venue itself since they won't allow the normal, average Scottish golfer to play their precious course ,,, well those of us who won't / can't put up the £50 grand joining fee !!

So needless to say they can shove their bit of parkland .,.,

The lack of turn out by the world's best players should also tell them a little something about their exclusivity ?

Anyway on to the real Open ,, later this week the world will be watching as the best golfers ( that's the very best ) in the world take on my favourite course .,., The brilliant Turnberry Ailsa .,.,

THE British Open comes back to town ! ( and anyone who knows my political views knows how much it hurts me to decry the Scottish ! )

However, I'm a golfer first and a political animal way after that ,,, And Turnberry DOES let us plebs play ,, on all their courses, and for a much more reasonable price. ( As it happens I'm lucky & have a rich member friend who takes me on with his concession tickets .,., but even without him I could play the best Links in Scotland ) so Loch Lomond ,, read & learn !

Without doubt too, Turnberry is by far the superior course, a true test of the proper, original Scottish game .,.,., Links golf is real golf, golf in the raw, as it should be ,, sadly all courses are not by the sea !

This week promises to be the best week's TV viewing for a long time .,., with a little luck we may even end up with a Scottish or Brit winner ? I will not predict who but I will say ,, it won't be the Tiger ,, good as he undoubtedly is, he can't play proper Links golf and that's a fact !

Take your pick from .,., Poulter, Westwood, McIlroy, the Saltman boys, but if long prayers are answered ,, then Colin ,,, let's stick it to them big man and finally get that major Monkey off your back ? Please ...

The Glesca Tour ( East End Definitive Version )

The Beloved's long lost "pal" from Oz paid us a visit today .,., They last met while still at school .,., so only a mere 49 years between meets !! But hey ! What's time between feiends ?
The Oz chick and her new Bidie-in, old John ( and from the looks of him, the long suffering John,) were a hoot.
She was originally a wee Glesca lassie but after nearly 50-years in the land of the Sheila she's now yer classic rubber-neck Ozzie burd !
Calls a spade a F***ing shovel ? ( and the rest ?! ).,., with the obligatory question mark at the end of every sentence ?
She wanted to go see her old home, school etc ,, so we gave her the definitive East end Glesca tour .,., Wheeeeeee up, up & away we go ...
Starting at her Cousin's house in rural Giffnock in the salubrious South side we headed over to Rutherglen ( the Royal Borough .,., Ha, have you been to Ru'glen recently ? ) then on up into Parkheid, out Westmuir St., into Shettleston and beyond, towards the notorious Bar-L .,., and without any armed out-riders !! Brave or what ? ( Aye ok that'll be what ! )
We showed her her old Parkheid haunts .,., her school ,, sorry, The Academy ( Eastbank as was ) in Shettleston ,, or did Eastbank come under Sandyhills mibbie ??
Well it WAS an Academy after all !! Alas now a tired looking "Offices To Let" block :-( stuck in the middle of a bloody roundabout no less !
Onward and upward along Gartocher Rd, up Hallhill Rd, and into the ghetto that was, and still is, the dreaded Bar-L.
It has changed in the past 40-odd years of course, but for the better ?? Mmmmm ....
Wellll ,,, the houses look a little less prison-like these days but it still seems like a place better passed thro', & rather quickly .,.,., We located the site of the old Gang Fights ,, the square of field where the Bar-L and the Easterhouse brain dead held pre-arranged pitch battles with Chains, knives, belts and hammers .,., yeah Hammers ! How the crazy bastards didn't kill one another I'll never know )
Eyes followed us thro' the streets of our youth ..,, We felt, rather than actually heard the Jungle Drums beating out our presence .,., The Italian Stallion that is my Alfa Romeo seemed just a tad out of place at my old front door ! But we survived and made it back to freedom .,.,
We headed home via Barrachnie, Tollcross, Gallowgate, and the Barras before finally taking shelter & comfort in my South side Golf Club for some early afternoon food & drinkies ,,,
Boy do these Ozzie's like their BEER !!!

Poor Farrah's Gone

She died last week too.
Farrah Fawcett, the prettiest by far, best of Charlie's Angels and long time love of the prat Ryan O'Neal .,.,
She died same day as Michael, that strange wee boy man who sang & danced his life away behind a mask of plastic surgery, and hence she barely got a mention.
Well I'll mention you hen, you were a typical US child of the 60's with big hair and an even bigger smile ,, but hey you weren't a bad actress, and you deserved a better send off than you got.
Bon Voyage pet ,,,

Damned Wind Turbines !

Have any of you travelled south recently on the M77 towards the coast .,., Troon, Ayr, direction ?
Who on earth gave planning permission to allow those bloody scenic destoying eyesores all over the Eaglesham moors ?
I need to know .,., because I'll certainly be VOTING AGAINST them, whoever they are, at the very next opportunity.
I used to think electricity pylons were an eyesore on the landscape ( hey, they were, & still are ) but these new abominations are even worse ,,, the constant movement and NOISE are so much harder to ignore !
And as for the power they generate ??? I'm sure we could all do without that one boiled kettle per day !
In our coming Independent Scotland I want to see these useless sops to the Greens removed & abolished.
Give us back our beautiful countrysides.

Step Parents

Our grandkids have a decidedly difficult, nay traumatic, night coming up .,., And it's tonight !
Their crazy father is about to introduce them to his new ( Chinese) bride !
ie, Their new Stepmother !!
This guy, who claims to love his kids above all else has "found" himself a new "love" via the Internet :0(
I truly hope it is true love, for his sake .,., The guy deserves to find a bit of peace & happiness. However I do worry for him.
But .,., He's known this woman for a very short period of time, spent no more than a few weeks in her company ( & only in her country ) and hasn't even introduced her & his children to one another ( in the flesh that is ! no doubt they have said hello "online" !!) before marrying her ???
Has he finally gone over the edge ? This seems quite mad ?? It really doesn't strike me as the act of a loving Dad .,.,
What if they don't get on ? How can this poor woman hope to look after 3-very different children ,, different ages, completely different personalities, different needs, etc, etc ,,, especially coming from a country where 1-child is the expected norm .,., No sibling interaction then to compare .,., no knowledge of our Western ways ?
Perhaps a visit (or five) pre marriage might have re-assured his fragile kids that Papa did indeed have his children's best interests at heart ?
I, along with their Granny and their real mother & step father will be keeping a very close eye on this situation, & make no mistake.

Old Hamish 1911 - 2009

My old pal .,,. and I mean OLD ,,, didn't quite make it.
Only a couple of weeks ago he was telling me he had now less than a year & a half to go .,,. to get his telegram from Buck House !
Yeah, he made it to 98 and 3/4 ,.,. like a slightly older Adrian Mole !
Sadly, we took him to Craigton Crematorium this morning and said our last farewells.
Hamish was one helluva fellah .,,. a golfer of some note ( in his younger days he played off 4 ! .,., now that's what I call a golfer ? ) a founder member of our Seniors section, he joined the club as a full member in 1942 ,, before I was even a twinkle in Daddy's eye ! ,., a tramcar and later a bus driver for many years, all through the war he drove with a simple little torch to light his way in the black-outs .,., a raconteur, a joker, a flirt with the women, and a truly gentle man, of teuchter origin. He was born & raised in Kinggussie, son of the local Solicitor and his operatic singer wife ,, he had 3 brothers and a sister ,, all gone now bar Eefie ( yeah that's the correct spelling ),, she was there today, a youngster at only 96 ! Is there something in yon Hielan' watter that we should know about I wonder ??
Even with all those advanced years on the clock he drove to his golf club every other day for lunch, a blether and some exercise ! And every day he walked 1 mile after breakfast and another after lunch .,., if the weather didn't suit his slight frame he would get on his home exercise bike and pedal the 2-miles !!
So that was the secret then .,.,?
He was a neighbour in a million to his fellow flat dwellers .,,. driving them to the supermarket or the hairdresser or whatever .,., and ( and here's the rub ) visiting them when they were taken ill and in hospital.
Two weeks ago, after finishing lunch with us "young boy pals" in Cowglen he went to the Southern General hospital to visit an old lady from his block of flats.
After the visit he stopped in the toilet for a simple pee before driving home ,..,
These hospital toilets are quite large and have their light switches on the wall outside. Hamish was slow ,,, some idiot passing some minutes later switched off the light ,, He became disorientated and stumbled over in the dark, badly bruising his frail old bod ,, leg, arm, shoulder ,, but worse even ,, he wasn't found, lying there in pain, 'till about an hour later. The arm, leg and shoulder weren't broken so we hoped he'd be ok ,, but alas the shock was just too much for the old guy ,, he suffered a fatal heart attack and never made it back from that visit .,.,
nor btw did his old ( a mere 75 ) lady friend.
A sad end for a true gent but at least it wasn't long and lingering in some smelly old folks home ?
We'll miss you Hamish.

The one that got away !

I'm almost calm enough now to write about this little episode in my recent past !
Almost, but not quite ,..,
It started off as one of my pretty good ideas .,,. not one of my greatest ever ,, but plenty good enough to convince my beloved and our friends Joyce & Steve to go along with it.
We would take the much heralded scenic train ride from Glasgow to Mallaig ,,the West Highland choo-choo journey of a lifetime with photo opportunities to die for ! And stay a couple of nights in the lovely ( but remote ) Mallaig ( pronounced Mallig btw by the natives .,,. just thought you'd like to know that ! )
So we met at 10am and set off to walk the 10-minutes to our local Patterton station.
Into Glasgow's Queen St. with time to spare we had coffees ,,, all very organised and normal ... We got on the train, sat down in our reserved seats at the correct side of the train for the best views en route, the girls had even prepared and brought along lunch rolls filled with all sorts of lunch time goodies ,, complete with nuts, crisps etc, and of course the wine ! We set off on our mini adventure full of the joys of early summer. It was a glorious sunny day and more of the same was forecast for Up North ,.., We did the train di-de-de-dum, di-de-de-dum, di-de-de-dum ,,through station after station .,., still in the Scottish lowlands but getting there ,, definitely getting there ,,, we got chatting to a couple of lads going home to Fort William from a mid week footie match .,,. Mel & Stirling, both Scotrail employees, the boys seemed to have good times regularly in the Big City, and also liked a wee swally .,., so much so that during one notorious night Mel had got off the train at one of the stations for a smoke ,,, and it had left without him ,,, costing him a fortune in taxi fare trying to get home !
How we laughed at the stupidity of that night of drunken stupidity !
He had learned little too, for at almost every station stop there he was, out there on the platform with the ciggie going .,.,
Di-de-de-dum, di-de-de-dum, di-de-de-dum .,., onward & upward .,,. We had lunch passing along the shores of Loch Lomond ,,and then we pulled into the A station ,, eh, that's Ardlui, but we won't ever mention that name again .,.,
The announcer told us that there was a slight problem further up the line and we would have a short stop ,, 5-10-minutes ,, at this station ,, You may get off the train but don't leave the platform .,,. As if ?
Mel was up and off like a rat up a drainpipe, ciggie packet in hand ,, I was at his back, camera in hand. Snapping away on the platform ,, I added pics of the Loch, the local phone box, the deserted train lines and the arrival of the train on the opposite side of the station ,, I wandered back into our carriage and took a telling shot of my pal Steve ,, sound asleep and us only 2-hours into our 5 hour plus journey.
No more than 2-minutes had elapsed so ,, back I went off the train ,, the one opposite was now leaving, heading back towards Glasgow ,, so I just had to catch a few more shots as it sped off ,,,
Satisfied that I had exhausted the photo opportunities of the A place I turned to re board our train ,..,
To my absolute horror I saw it was moving .,,. slowly, but moving .,., doors all closed ,, I chased after it banging on windows, doors ,,caught up with our carriage and exchanged horror looks with my beloved before having to give up the chase ,,, the bastard train guard had left me .,,. stranded and alone in the A station ,,,
Not a hoot hoot, not a bell, not a whistle ,,not a flag, not an Everybody Aboard yell ,, NOTHING ,, just a silent closing of doors and a quiet slithering away ,..,
I simply couldn't believe it .,., No one pulled the Red Emergency handle ,, no one, it seemed, cared enough to even push the OPEN DOOR button, there on every bloody door !
So there I was ,, me, my camera ,, fortunately ( I thought ) my mobile phone ,, ( unfortunately a new one with which I was much less than familiar ! ) .. Oh & I had my wallet in my pocket .,,. no jacket, no camera bag, no medicine ( I had antibiotics to take at 3pm ,,) no glasses ,,, ( to see with , not to drink from ! )
I was LIVID ,,, angry beyond words ,,, if a Scotrail employee had appeared on that platform I dread to think the abuse he'd have got ! I lifted the Emergency phone and pushed the button as advised on the accompanying sheet ,,, Nothing ,, this service is not operational !! I started out of the cursed station wondering what the hell to do ,,, when my mobile rang ,, I finally managed to answer it at the second attempt my wife made at calling me ,,
The Rail guys Mel & Stirling, on seeing my plight had immediately moved into top gear and called a local taxi firm .,,. a taxi would pick me up in the next few minutes and chase the train to the next ststion ,,, Phew .,., well done the lads !
I waited ,,,and waited ,,,
Ring-ring ,, it was the wife again ,, disaster ! .,,. a road accident had blocked the road so the taxi couldn't get to me ,, the train was also delayed again because of this same road accident so maybe ,, just maybe ,, we could still get there ???
Alas, some 40-minutes passed before the taxi arrived .,., Way too late ,, the train was already speeding on it's merry West Highland way with a giggling fool, his quiet smiling wife and a couple of incredulous young lads the only company my dear wife would have for the next 10-hours !
The crazy taxi driver told me there was now no way for us to overtake the train but that he could take me to Crianlarrich ( for a mere £15 ) ,, then pass me onto a mate who would deliver me to Fort William ( for a further £85 !! )
And what then I asked ,, how to get the final hour and a half or so to Mallaig ?? Eh, well there isn't any transport for that last bit of the journey ,, maybe another taxi ? or you can wait for the next train through here coming to Ft. W ???
Oh I see, says I ,, I can pay you 100 quid and catch the next train at Ft. W rather than wait here for it for nothing ?? Byeeeeee Mr. Taximan. ( the train fare from Glasgow to Mallaig is £13-75p incidentally )
I spent the next hours ( the longest in my life ) wandering miles back & forth around that place taking photos and trying to hitch a lift to Mallaig !! ( I had seen one van go by as I walked during the first half hour .,., Something's of Mallaig ! ) Shit, if only I could have stopped him ,, I might even have won the race to Mallaig ? ) but I didn't have any paper or pen to write a hitching note .,,.
I went into the A hotel and had a beer ,, more calls followed from the beloved ,,the guard had sort of apologised ,, he was dealing with a wheelchair passenger at the front end of the train and hadn't noticed me ,.,. Aye right ! ( we'll see what his bosses think of that one ! ) and I would be allowed to travel on the next train free of charge ,.,. ?? You better believe I would ! It would arrive at the A station at TEN MINUTES TO EIGHT at night ,, it was just after 2pm now ! Holy Jesus ,,
I swore like the proverbial trooper ,, all f***ing day long ! and it would hit Mallaig at 11-31pm ,,, I felt I wanted to KILL .,., that stupid bloody guard preferably !
The two waitresses in the local pub/hotel tried their best to cheer me up ,, no, they didn't have any regulars who drove to Mallaig ! but tried all they knew on the pub computer to get me some alternative transport .,,. alas no joy ,,
I had dinner with them later and they insisted I get back to the station with almost an hour still to wait ,, just in case !
At the appointed hour & minute it arrived .,., train #2 rolled into the A station .,,. I did wonder what crime I might commit if it didn't stop .,., It did !
I was immediately recognised by the ticket collector as the guy with the camera whose tickets were in Mallaig !
I spent the next 3 hours + in a practically empty carriage ,, taking some meaningless blurred photos on a fast moving train in the coming semi darkness ,,
Eventually, tired and exhausted I arrived in the lovely Mallaig at precisely 11-31pm, some 6-hours later than planned !
They were all there ,, the giggling Steve ,,( not quite so smug now however having had to listen to both wives all day on his own ! ) the quiet smiling Joyce, who comforted me all the way to our B & B hotel ( all 3 minutes walk ! )and the beloved who presented me with my jacket to keep me warm and a very large G & T with a slice ,, but no ice !
There were others too on that late night platform shouting and waving at me ,, ??
The wife & "pals" had missed me all day and tried hard to make me smile again ,, they failed ,, :( !
At least the B & B I had booked was very nice ,, and had stayed open late to let me in !! We had a few drams to deaden my anger & allow me to get to sleep .,.,
A nice breakie next morning almost set me back to normal but first the landlady and then her man naturally had to make some wise guy comments about my train escapade ,, walking down the street it seemed that every bugger in Mallaig knew the story .,,. a girl in a gift shop chatted to me like a long lost friend ! ( she was their waitress in the restaurant the night before and would be again tonight ! ) and there was talk of a story in the local newspaper !
Sitting later in the day at a table outside a pub with a cool beer, a damned Yankee & his wife stopped , stared and pointed right into my face .,,. Hey, it's you ,, you made it ,, ha ha ,, we were on the train and saw you running alongside our window ,,,
Move along I told him ( in my best NYC cop voice ,, there's nothing for you here ).,,. I don't do autographs ,.,. not before 6pm ,,,
The rest of the hol was great, weather blistering hot and sunny so we took a lovely boat trip to Eigg & Rhum .,.,., the beloved of course, not being any kind of a sailor ,, especially early morning ,, commented that she preferred her Eigg with bacon and her Rhum with coke please ! We also saw Muck & Canna from the boat ,.., a beautiful day out and an evening meal of some note ,,, the girl gift shop worker and waitress had also been one of the people on the late night platform ( meeting her boyfriend ) had felt so sorry for me that she'd kept the biggest Dover Sole I'd ever seen just for me ,,, Steve was gutted with his half size fish so finally a result in my favour !
So that's it ,, now everybody knows !
I'm off now to wtite my letter of complaint to Scotrail ,,

Who do you think you are kidding Mr ... THIEF !

Bloody Politicians ,,, Not that I ever trusted one of them anyway, but now having to listen to all these lame, so called, excuses ?,.., this is utterly preposterous.
"A simple accounting error ? a slight oversight"? Aye right !
Just ask any old lady who coudn't afford to buy her dinner ( because of the taxes she has to pay ? )and chose instead to try a little shoplifting ,,
SHE ended up in court ! She was BRANDED a THIEF !
These lying, cheating, thieving bastards MUST be prosecuted ,,, each and every one of them, taken into COURT, damned in public by their own actions, tried by the people they robbed ( us, the lowly but mostly HONEST taxpayers ! ) and put firmly behind bars for their CRIMES, for make no mistake ,, these are CRIMES ; Deception, Fraud & Theft to name but a few.
It then follows that they are banned sine die from EVER working for the public at ANYTHING .,,. and this is an absolute sine qua non !
Angry ,,, me ?
You better believe it .,., God help the next one that accosts me in the street or at the Polling station ,, where I'll be going to publicly tear up my voting card !

Well, it's over. ( for now ! )

Everything comes to he who waits .,,. and God knows I've waited !
Now, after what seems like many, many months ( was it really only months ? ) we are finally finished ! Buchanan Towers ( downstairs that is :>( ) is complete !
I'll try now listing everything we've done ,,, if I can remember it all !

1) Butchered my beloved fireplace taking away the Tv corner.
2) Removed the old enormously heavy Tv ,, possibly the heaviest Tv ever built !
3) New Tv fitted .. Huge wall mounted affair requiring very strong wall brackets !
4) Removed all the fireplace slate & replaced it with wood, after much measuring, sawing & laquering.
5) Lifted the floor wood in the dining room then smashed the two levels of tiles and humphed them all out to the back garden ( making the place look like old Steptoe's yard for a time ) ( this also resulted in a cut hand which required a hospital visit for stitches ,, alas too busy for that so just bled a lot on the dirty floor ! )
6) Wallpapered & painted the living & dining rooms.
7) Run in new cables all round the room, under the fireplace for the new Sound system
8) Fitted the new sound system, inc Amp, PS3, Sky+ box, Speakers & Woofer !
9) New wood floor fitted thro' both rooms.
10)New skirting cut & fitted.
11)New curtain poles fitted.
12)Chairs, couch, etc. fitted with pads to stop damaging new floors !
13)Old kitchen ripped out with all the resulting mess everywhere ,.., Steptoe expanded his yard !
14)New Kitchen fitted ,, well almost !
15)New electrics wired ,.,. fuse box replaced, ring mains renewed, overhead light changed ,, all appliances fitted & wired. ( inc, new gas hob with hood, double oven cooker, micro wave, washing machine, dishwasher, Fridge / Freezer and under cabinet lighting )
16)New tiles fitted in kitchen.
17)Kitchen flooring cut & laid ( and that tells nothing of the pain involved in that little exercise ! )
18)Kitchen fitters return to finish off cornices, kick plates etc, ( supplied wrongly originally ! )
19)New Kitchen skirting fitted.
20)New Kitchen radiator & blind fitted.

All the above of course required moving carpets, furniture etc, constantly sweeping up dust, not to mention numerous visits to Wood yards, B & Q ,,, etc. Looking & finding new "matching" accessories ,, viz, kettle, toaster, knife block ! et al ..

You think that's all ??
No, in the middle of all that we also wallpapered, painted and moved furniture & books in 5-rooms in my daughter's house !

You think that's it all finished now ?
Nope again ,,, we already have the wallpaper & paint for our own bedroom upstairs ,,, and of course this will also require a change of carpet, curtains and on & on ,,,with a spill over from our room to re carpet & curtain the small spare room ,,,
Does it ever end ?? ( that's a simpleton's rhetorical question only btw! )
I don't only doubt it .,,. I know it doesn't !

Oh did I mention our plans for a new upstairs bathroom !!!!

The End is Nigh .,.,.,

And so it comes to us all ,..,.,
The END is indeed now Nigh !
I speak not of the possible coming World Flu' Pandemic .,.
Swine that it is ,,, :>)
No, I mean the massive work project we took on re modelling Buchanan Towers some months ago is almost at an end ,.,. at long last & not before bloody time ! And so say all of us !
Even the daughter's house projects are nearing completion too .,.,Phew ...
I will SOON be able to get up of a morn and give not a jot about the day's planned workload .,,.
My decreasing golf handicap work can re start .,., Yabadabadooooooo
Today I have Ben doing the Kitchen tiling .,., thereafter only the floor needs laid ( I think I too may deserve a wee bit of that after all my toils ? :<) )
and then, as Roy Orbison would have said ,..,,.
It's Over
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Dougie has no clothes on !!

It’s been 5-days now ,.,.,. FIVE bloody days ,.,.
I’ve been Computerless all that time !
It’s like running about the streets naked ,, at my age !
It’s that bloody #1 son of mine ,,,, It must be all his fault !
He actually ‘phoned me up Thursday night .,,.
“Everything running ok now with your computer system Dad,the new TV set up etc?? “ he asked
“We’re off on holiday tomorrow morning ,,, ok ? “
Bastard ! if he’d just kept his mouth shut IT would never have noticed that he’d gone away for a long Easter holiday break .,,.,.
I, of course, would have ‘phoned his mobile on Sat morning .,,. First thing too !
It all went belly up Friday morning, ie, the minute he left the City ! .,.,
and after a day trying all I knew ,,, ok that’s not very much ,, but nevertheless I did try it all ! ,.,. Sat would have been the time ,,,, but his mother, the one who has her DS thingy to play with said “Oh no ,,, you can’t ‘phone him on his holiday ,,, For God’s sake just leave it ‘till he’s at least back at work “ ,.,. so there you have it ,,,
I've been running around the streets ballock naked since early morn Frid !
Not a sight I’d recommend if you haven’t had your breakfast !!
I did let the new son-in-law ( and daughter ) have a look ,.,.,. they laughed and suggested I buy a new computer !! You HAVE to upgrade your PC every 3-years they told me ,, and this one is banjaxed ,, ready for the skip !
Now I don’t know what went wrong ,,, it says a cable is disconnected somewhere ??
And I also know it’s a bit on the side of … shall we say ,, not young ?.,,.
It’s slow, yes ,,, not enough memory, ok ,,, doesn’t have MS Vista ( who needs it ? )
But I’ll lay odds , and good odds ,, that the #1 son will get it going again in no time ??
A simple wee blip ,,, just a bad time to have happened, that’s all.
Over to you my boy !! And hey, No more holidays, OK ?

HA, the Post Script :
Like I said ,,, two bloody minutes it took him, and not even a vist ,, all done in a flash on the 'phone .,,.
Does this work, does that work ? ,, Oh it's your Ethernet cable ,, try a new cable & it'll be ok ,,
Don't be daft son says I .,,.A faulty cable ? Impossible ,, why would a cable suddenly go Phuttt in the middle of the night ???
But of course he only got it in one ,, new cable & Voila ! Normal (slow) service resumed !
Smart wee bugger ,, must have his mother's genes !

The Ten Green Bottles Children's Song

Can anyone tell me why this song was written, or is sung,

( and with so much gusto ! )

It woke me up this morning ,,, I was singing it in my sleep / dream ?? Arghhhhhhhhhh!!!!

It's such a daft wee song ,,, and some idiots add many more bottles !

So please, somebody, put me out of my misery .,.,

I need to know ?????????

It's a long way from the marriage vows to Buchanan Towers Mk. 17 !

We've been working, the beloved & I ,.., immersed in the stuff in fact ,,,
You may have read that we've been making some changes to Old Buchanan Towers ?
These changes, ( far too many to have attempted all at the same time), have just about done for us .,,. We are both physically and mentally wrecked !
We really need a holiday now ,, a quiet reflective week or two lying on a beach somewhere hot doing ,, eh nothing, well nothing more exhausting than lifting cold Gins & Tonic to the lips.
Strangely over the weeks these home improvements have been on-going
( nay, months ? ) we haven't had any massive arguments or disagreements
( although it's been a close run thing on a few occasions )
We are now within shooting distance of the goal ,, on the home run, we have our opponent on the ropes ,,, in other words ,,,, light is shining brightly at the end of yon mythical tunnel ,,, we're nearly done !
A few minor little jobs to be completed and it's all over !
Phew ,, & thank the Lord !!
We are so close that the beloved has now taken to outings with her "LIST" of new bits & pieces of trivia required ,, you know the sort of thing women do with new kitchens & living rooms ,,,
The "list" currently has some 10 items on it ,,, roller blind, bin, towel rails, soap dispenser ,, that sort of thing for the kitchen ,,, ( old stuff all the wrong colour you see ! )
Then there's vases, flowers, ornaments etc, ,, for the living room ,,,
We've been in various shops & super stores recently and come out with 8 - 10 items in our trolley ,,, so naturally I thought ,,,, Ahhh, we're nearly finished here too ,,,
but alas NO ,,,, what a silly boy I can be ,.,. still !
She actually came out of the last shop with the "LIST" in her hand and ticked off ,..,,. 2-items ,,,
( yep, that was what I said ,, TWO ! ) ,..,.,
"That's two more off the list" she announced happily ,,,
"Eh ? I could have sworn there were at least 10 items in that trolley" says I
"Yes" she replied, "but 8 of them weren't on my list !"
And today going out she blithely announced ,,, "I'm working on The New LIST now !" Heeeeellllp ,..,.,
Not long now 'till they come & take me away ,,,, haha ...........