Grandkids are truly Magical

The daughter never ceases to amaze me.

My dearest first born showed no sign of what her future held as a young teenage woman ,,

She studied, she travelled, she partied, she was a fairly ordinary person until she became ,,,,,
The Earth Mother !

Time was when I thought ,, she's such a quiet, fragile wee soul ,, How will she cope with life ?
Then, all of a sudden she's a gifted Linguist .,., a University graduate and she's brought home a Frenchman ,, Then she made me a grand daddy !! Jings, how'd that happen !
Now I think .,., whatever next ? ,,  and she made me a grand daddy again !! Bloody Hell !
After that she seemed to "settle down" :o)
But only a few years later and  she's gone & done it again .,.,.,?? Eh, whit ? ( Have I been a tad remiss in her education ? Do I need to explain to her how these things happen ? )
The beloved & I are astounded by now ,,, THREE grandkids ? Wow ...
You see .,., Lots of we'ans just wasn't our scene ,, both of us were ONLY children and we thought that made for a busy hoose !

Then came the Bomb !  A Divorce ??  Bloody Norah ,,  How will my we'an cope with life now !!

Well, what d'you know ?  She's married again ,, ( brought home a great Dane this time ! )
Then she started life afresh .,.,., Jingscrivenshelpmaboab .,.,
Before I even had time to take in the divorce, never mind the new man ,, we have grandwe'an #4.
And as if just to confirm her overly active fertility glands ( she appears to just look at her man & bang ,, she's off to the maternity ward again ! ) we are now the proud grand parents of  FIVE !!
I'm now in danger of becoming The Super Pumpa of Cowglen ! 
Now I think .,.,., she's mad, she's off her trolley ,,, all these we'ans constantly demanding her time & energy. She'll still be doing the school run when she's in her dotage !
A life dedicated to her own home made Clan ,,, the multi National Gautier/Widmann/Buchanans !

But then I stop .,., I read her wonderful Blog.
( see copy below ... I hope she doesn't mind me sharing this with my readers ? )  
What have we now inherited here ?
Three amazing kids with the French hubby .,.,.,Mini Mec, Baby Magic & the Pudgeman.
Two further fantastic kids with the new Danish hubby ! .,., Anna Bits & Teeny Troll.
Oh ,, And a daughter to die for .,.,
It's a funny old game ,,, life !

That Blog :- LARGE FAMILIES ( Me and my babies ) Originally uploaded by PhylB
Sometimes when I look at my kids, I think of what most people consider the norm - and that would probably have been a photo of just me on a bench with Mini Mec & Baby Magic  How much less rich my life would have been if I'd stopped there.
They are all so different and so alike in many ways.
Anna Bits and Mini Mec are quite alike in their interests, The Pudgeman, Baby Magic and Teeny Troll look very alike. I can see myself in all of them regardless of gender and colouring. Looking into your own eyes in another colour touches the depths of your soul.
This weekend Mini Mec has spent most of the time listening to the same song over and over trying to learn the lyrics - something I myself would have done at his age.

Baby Magic sometimes drives me mad with her awkwardness and shyness - again traits I too suffered from at her age though overcame.

The little ones are so endearing with their smiles, their chat, their nonsense, their understanding of the world.

I watch how Mini Mec interacts with the smallest ones and I feel pride at having raised such a gentle, lovely boy. He acts indecisively like his father and I cringe. I ask him to tidy the kitchen and he does a sloppy teenage job and I want to kill him but he was my first love so I can't. He smiles his smile and sparkles his beautiful green eyes and my heart melts. He comes home from school and leaves a report on his bed, forgetting to show me it. I find it and read he is one of the cleverest kids at his high school, polite, well-behaved, full of enthusiasm and I hold my breath, thrilled that by some fluke I have managed to raise the perfect child. That's what being a mother is all about.

Baby Magic's teacher, at our parent meeting, stops on more than one occasion and gasps - My God you are the same person - she gestures like you, she moves her hair like you, she talks like you. I rarely see this myself. I am bemused and yet proud.
She says to me - Baby Magic is unaware of how bright she is. Again I am secretly thrilled at having got something right. I love her freckly nose, her clear green eyes. Her niggling with the little ones sometimes drives me insane. Her hours of patience with them in the next instant amazes me. She's more patient with them than me at times and her parenting wisdom stuns me when she sees better how to deal with them than me. Her refusal to ever brush her beautiful hair drives me batty. Her tomboyishness puzzles me as it is so far from where I was as a young girl. She talks enthusiastically about footballs in a way I'd have spoken about ABBA at her age - I have produced a me who is the antithesis of myself!

The Pudgeman is my fragile little angel: my lovely, caring, gentle boy. He has the most cheeky smile. His transparent blue eyes are flecked with yellow. Had I stopped at two kids, I'd never have known kids could have yellow eyes! He adapts easily to everything, yet is so needy of our love. He's my special darling Pudgeman. His laugh makes me laugh. His hugs are so precious. Nursery tells me about this well-behaved, happy little boy and again I am proud. His spot problem and other problems he's had since his horrible chicken pox as a baby make me want to protect him and cocoon him in love, to keep him safe from the world but as he grows and I offer him a little more independence, I am proud of my brave little boy.

Anna Bits has a fiery nature and two odd eyes - one darker than the other. Had I stopped at two kids, I wouldn't have known I could have had an odd-eyed kid! Her eyes draw me in and fascinate me. Her favourite word is Whhhhhhhhy? She argues with me and her older siblings because she believes she knows better than us at times. This makes me laugh because she has such baby logic. And yet the minute the big three go for a night with their father, Anna Bits walks about wailing as if her right arm has been removed. When they return, her face breaks into a smile and she tells them how much she loves them. She's very definite about her likes and dislikes. My like pink, my ikke like blue. She can make her large dark eyes fill with tears at a perceived wrong as she mutters, my am very sad. She is my sweet little drama queen, my daddy's girl. Anna Bits is obsessed with being a big girl in comparison with Teeny Troll. She studies her for hours so she can point out everything she has that is bigger than her baby sister. Being big is very important to her!

Teeny Troll is my perfectly content smiler. She's my happy eating machine, my nosy feeder. She pulls my boobs to look behind her when she's eating. She's my standing baby who refuses to bend in the middle. She wants to learn to walk before she can sit steadily. She loves to be hugged and kissed by me and all her siblings. Her face lights up for each and every one of them.
Had I stopped at two kids, I'd never have known I was capable of giving birth to a 4.5kg baby without drugs and smiling five minutes later! She smiles and observes all day long and I need her as much as she needs me. I watch her sleeping. She sucks in her sleep and I wonder if she's dreaming of me. She is another beautiful precious child with deep thoughtful eyes of another odd grey/green/blue shade.

The only thing that makes me sad about my large and beautiful family is a fear that I won't live long enough to watch the youngest ones reach my age.
I can't ever imagine having only had the two kids society expected me to.
I love each and everyone equally. I love the way they are individuals and I love the way they need each other.

Woe is us !

This week sees the start of a BIG week for me on the golf front .,.,

as a player & a spectator .,.,

Aye, me AND a few others !

There's a pile of Pro's from all over the globe up at St. Andrews sitting about, clicking their heels and .,.,., waiting ,,,

The four hole Past Champions fun opener is already cancelled !

You see, our Scottish weather has reverted to type just as it's all about to kick off !

The World Cup of Golf starts at 6-am tomorrow morning !

And so we have the Rain ,, 70-MPH horizontal stuff !

We have the Gales ,, blowing cobwebs & umbrellas far out to sea !

We have the Haar ,, our euphemistically termed coastal sea mist !

Hahaha, have you ever tried playing golf in these conditions .,., on one of the finest ( but also most difficult ) Links courses on the Planet ?

Well I have ,, not St. Andrews Old Course unfortunately but Turnberry's Ailsa course .,.,., a similar sacred ground, and believe me, to see a ball you've hit with everything in your armoury into the rain/wind/mist and watch it turn in the air 200-yards out and come back at you, landing less than 100-yards from the tee is one of the most debilitating sights .,., to try putting your ball on the green when it won't stop moving in the wind as the rain drips off the skip of your bunnet ,, well what can I say ?

I'll tell you ,,,, This is REAL golf my chums ,, this will separate the men from the boys .,., and I know who my money isn't going on to lift the Claret Jug of 2010 .,.,

Go home Tiger son, you know you can't play proper golf .,.,, I'll be surprised if you even make the cut ! Here 'aint Florida, this sky has no sun and yon manicured lawns with the kiddie's sand pits & paddling pools that you guys call golf courses are just a joke compared to the real McKay.

( yeah I've played there too ! )

Worse still ,, my own Seniors Group have our annual away match tomorrow morning at the Championship Haggs Castle course and this too must go ahead come rain or shine .,.,

And come Friday morning ,, whether my clubs are dried out or still wet I'm off to play the wonderful, glorious Turnberry Links again .,., a most savage examination of any golfer's mettle even in the sunshine .,., in the forecast above mentioned conditions it's almost painful, but would we pass up this round ? Not on your life ,, this is how we learn to play SCOTTISH GOLF !

Oh, Woe is us :-)

Wartime PM Winston Churchill's false teeth go up for auction !!

Now I've seen everything .,., and there was me thinking I couldn't live long enough to do that !

FALSE teeth worn by Winston Churchill during some of his most famous World War II speeches are to be auctioned off.

Eh? Whose mooth will they fit ,, how will they know before buying them ??

The gold-mounted dentures - one of three sets made for the wartime PM - are expected to fetch £5000.

Christ, nearly as dear as the current NHS version !

Churchill was said to have made sure he had several sets after breaking some in a fit of temper and being left unable to talk.

Temper, temper Mr. C ! It's nae wonder that Mr. Hitler got angry wi' ye.

Each was specially designed to retain his vocal tones as he inspired the nation in the darkest days of its fight against Nazi Germany.

Ah, that must be why I talk differently from how I used to ,, mine weren't "specially designed" other than to fit the mooth !

One set went with Churchill to his grave and another was donated to the Royal College of Surgeons' museum where they are tagged: "The teeth that saved the world."
See ,, ah huv seen everything !!
The third set was given back to dental technician Derek Cudlipp who made them.

They are now being sold by his son Nigel.

So hurry along to the auction folks ,,, you wouldn't want to miss a "golden"opporchancity like this ?

Hahahahaha ,, it's true then ,, the world has gone doo-lally ?

Strawberry Fields ... forever.

I watched a Bio on Sky the other night ,,,

John Lennon.

His & Yoko's making of "The Plastic Ono Band" album.
Lots of background stuff from Yoko, Ringo and of course the working class hero himself !

It was so very intimate and heart rending ( again ) ,,, listening anew to some of these wonderful lyrics almost reduced me to tears ( again ! ) .,.,
In the end it was too much ,,, almost like watching him die all over again ,,

Last time the beloved & I were in New York was with my big son & his wife & wee son.
Derek & I are both life long John Lennon fans so naturally we visited the Dakota Buildings and saw the spot where he died & of course we had to go to the Strawberry Fields in Central Park to see the Imagine plaque.
This was a very moving experience, place to be, icon to see .,., we spent time just being there.
Lost a bit in our own thoughts ,, our minds sang his songs ,, we took some photos ,, we sat and contemplated life's fickle finger of fate ,, what more did John have to give us in the years now lost, we wondered ? We'll never know !

It suddenly dawned on me .,., I took pictures of this world symbol of peace, love and understanding ,, & so did my son ,, we took many pictures that day but not one do we have with both of us, together, paying tribute to a really special guy !

How remiss of us my son ,,, there's only one thing to do now, I feel ?

When are we going back to the wonderful Big Apple ?

The beloved & I have always promised ourselves another visit when the new Twin Tower is finished, having stood on top of the old one, 2-months exactly, to the day, before it was so savagly destroyed.

So that's a plan ?.. Yeah, yeah, yeah !!

Phew, A'm fair wabbit !

Such a sporting few weeks we're having !
I've barely had time for my warm-down before I'm off again on another warm-up !
World Cup footie 3 times a day, Wimbledon all day, Golf tournaments every night .,., the final days of the Open de France & the AT & T National, the Scottish Open about to start, the John Deere Classic just about underway, the US Women's Open, .,.,.,
Not to mention my very own Cowglen Seniors Open this coming Wed. ! ,,
And of course if you're some kind of masochist there's even thon English bat & ba' games to watch !
A'm fair wabbit oot already !
And we still have all the big finals to come .,., Argentina surely must win the World Cup now that Brazil are gone ? With work horses Carlos Tevez & Lionel Messi how can they fail ?
And talking work horses, who is gonna dare take the Wimbledon crown from the fastest, hardest hitter in the business, the meanest little street fighter I've ever seen on a tennis court ,, Rafa Nadal ? This guy will run 'til his lungs burst, and he'll bite your leg off if you get in his way ,, what an incredible talent ! Nobody can match him this year, can they ?
Talking of English ba' games btw, have we all heard that OXO have introduced a new white cube, with a red cross on the wrapping ,,, to show support for the loser boys of the English world cup footie ., it's called ,, wait for it !
The Laughing Stock !! Yo ,,,
Anyway, who will win the Scottish Open ? Mmmmm, that's a little more difficult to predict ,,
But the Cowglen Seniors ?? Well I'm not one for bragging but I am one for trying !!
Watch this space, you just never know ! I was runner up last time out !

Writer's Footnote : Well, so much for the mighty Argentina .,.,
Don't fancy your chances much now Rafa !
And I'm saying nothin' on the seniors Open front !!

The Beautiful Isle

The beloved & I are just back from a glorious week on SUNNY Arran.
Yep, 6-solid sunshine days ( aye ok, so a slightly short week ! for reasons to be explained later )
We basked in the sun, we lazed, we ate, ( boy did we eat ! ) we drank the odd glass of wine, swallied the odd spirit, aye and even downed a beer or two too !!
We walked, we bussed ( free too ) all round this quiet but gorgeous little "Scotland in Miniature" and we saw beauty at every turn. Sunny Arran is so much nicer than rainy Arran !
And how glad am I that Digital SLR photography has taken over from ye olde Film SLR in today's world, for I would have so grudged the cost of all that film & developing !!
I came home with some 500 odd new Visions of Arran ! ( Yes, the beloved was very patient with me !! )
Our landlord Colin & his Welsh wifie, June, were good company too ,,, both golfers as well ,, what a pity I hadn't just thrown the clubs in the boot :) , I could have played them for the Digs money !!
Wee Colin had not long bought himself a new wee toy for running around the beautiful Isle ( a lovely Harley Davidson motor cycle no less .,., Ooh-ya, Wow ! ) so hey, this B & B lark obviously pays !!
The reason for our short week btw was that these two were off to France for a wee holiday themselves and were booked to leave on the Sat. ferry ahead of ours !! They didn't take to the idea that we'd make our own breakfast on Sun. morning and lock up before we left ??
However, 6-days is just about ok for a stay on Arran ,,, after all, it's only 56 miles all the way round so we'd pretty much seen it all by then ,, we'd certainly sampled all the pubs & restaurants on offer and we'd even done the inland walk from Lamlash to Brodick .,., not to mention photographing Lochranza's tame deer ! ..... not bad for a pair of pickled pensioners ? ( aye & I even remember my alliteration ! )
So now it's off to download the photos onto the computer for posterity !
( obviously I should have got that word in with the pickled pensioners somewhere ?)

Bloody Foreigners !

So what did I do yestertime you ask ?
I abandoned my Thursday golf game to go to my grandwe'an's School Sports Day.
Do Thursday's get any better you might wonder ? :-(
Ok, so it was only a junior school event .,., Primary Sports as distinct from Premier Sports !
Running races, three-legged races, bunny-hops with the big bouncy Pom-Poms. ( as my little spectator grandson called them ! )
All great FUN .,.,
Now in my day these school sports days were a parental highlight of their kid's "academic"year.
The old Brownie Box Cameras were out in force snapping away, taking ( mostly ) blurred photos that would last a lifetime and bring much needed nostalgia in later life.
What happens in today's enlightened society ?.,.,
I'll tell you .,.,., One effing ethnic MINORITY parent objects to their we'an being photographed & the school ( the so called intelligentsia no less ) plays along with this moron and BANS all photography .,., so the MAJORITY of SCOTTISH parents don't get to have memories or nostalgia pics for their or their kid's auld age ! This nonsense is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE and I'm giving you all fair warning ,,, next year my camera will be there and I will be taking pics of MY kids ,, and if theirs get in the shot ,, that's too damned bad !
I will no longer be dictated to by these closed mind, MINORITY, IDIOTIC so called parents.
If these people object to Sports Day pics or any other school activity pics then THEY CAN REMOVE THEIR BLOODY CHILDREN from these activities ! Mine are staying and mine are getting their photos taken !
It is every kid's right to have their Big Days recorded for posterity and I intend to do just that for MY KIDS in ALL future school days ,,,
And just let them try taking my camera out of my hands !
Yeah, that IS a threat !!
Finally I would URGE all you Silent Majority British parents .,., if you want your children to inherit OUR country for God's sake stand up now and be counted !

Holy Watter & wee black & yellar hings !

For some weeks, nay months, we've had this wee intermittent kinda leak at the living room radiator inlet pipe. This has taken the form of a damp patch appearing on the new'ish wood floor around said pipe, but days later, mysteriously it would disappear again ,,, Then a week or two would pass with no sign of damp, lulling us into a false sense of "well that's it gone now" security.

Alas no, days later it was back !

Then we decorated the hall .,., part of this new look included moving a well loved ( by me ) but big ( and bloody heavy ) cupboard ,,, out ! Having done this, we then noticed a wet patch on the carpet at the hall radiator inlet pipe !! A very similar small damp patch to the living room, no more than a few inches around the pipe .,., but this time rotting the very good quality Buchanan Tartan carpet there. ( Clannish ? Moi ? )

Time to investigate I thinks ?.,.,., having a paranoid fear of touching anything to do with water systems in the hoose, lest I cause a major flood :-( we called our tame plumber chappie.

Herself had deemed the hall radiator somewhat inadequate for purpose, the hall never being what one might consider warm ! ,, and so she wanted a much bigger one put in anyway ......

( No, I'll no' go there !! )

Our man listened to my theory about the possible cause of both leaks ,,, I had surmised that the pipe ( under the floor ) going from one radiator to the other had maybe suffered a wee burst and was spraying water UP from underneath because I couldn't see any actual water leak above ground ! ? He looked at me like I had a second head ( which also buttoned up the back ) and ran his finger round the offending pipes .,.,.,"Look," he says in that supercilious plumber sorta way .,., "Wet finger !! Water disnae generally spray UP Dougie !"

He promptly produced a spanner & tightened both ( loose ) fittings ( by quite a few turns I might add !!! ) Who'd have imagined that after only 35 years couplings would come loose ? If I could get my hands on that guy who installed the Central Heating !!

Ever feel a fool ?? ( Naw, me neither ,, I generally prefer a woman myself :-) )

Anyway with both leak problems now solved I asked El Plumb if, while here fitting the new radiator he'd replace the overflow pipe in the loft which was broken and which had caused the water running down the walls problem last year that led me to re-decoration in the first place.

"No probs" he says ,, ( and him not even from Oz ! ) "I'll just take a look up there to ensure I bring the corrct size pipe."

With that up he goes on my ladder ,,, pops up the loft cover, sticks his head in to switch on the light ,, and jumps straight off the ladder again shouting ,,, "Bloody Hell, Jesus ! You've got wasps or bees or something up there ".,.,

"Aw jings & Holy Watter" says I ( or something like that ! )

I nip up quickly and replace the loft cover .,., a few wee peeks later I conclude that I have no idea whether said invasion is by the Wasp or the Bee clan ! Wee black & yellow Buzzers certainly !

However after a day or two with the camera & Google help the general consensus is that we definitely have BEES ! ( Honey or Bumble ? don't ask .,., I couldn't care less ! )

I phone the Cooncil who advise that they will come & exterminate wasps for £40 !! ( eh, tell me again why I pay £thousands in Council tax please ??? )

BUT they say, if it's Bees and we come out we will still charge the £40 but bees are PROTECTED & we therefore won't touch them !! You'd then have to hire the services of a Bee Keeper to come & smoke/flush them out and take them away ??

"Eh ,,, Excuse me" I say ,, "these bloody B's are SQUATTING in ma hoose ( well my upstairs property !!" )

"Sorry sir," says the nice young thing "but if you can just wait a bit they'll be gone by end Aug !!"

Gone ? Gone ?? Gone where and can I bee sure they'll have taken all the relatives with them ,, old workers who presumably become redundant in autumn ,, old Queens ??? I really don't even want to think about old Queens in my upstairs ( and definitely not in my downstairs thank you very much ! )

The helpful ( & still fairly new ) son-in-law advises me to look on the brighter side at all the free honey available ( if you can get to it !! )

Wi' these kinda suggestions he may not last !!

I've already had words with the daiughter !

So, as I finish this little tale, I'm in the market ( not the Meerkat ! ) for any FREE advice from Bee keepers or any other learned bodies with a view to a kill or at the very least a rounding up & chasing off of the wee yellar & black varmits so that El Plumb can fix my overflow before the rainy season !

Gordy Black Pudding !

We have the grandson of the Buchanan clan with us this weekend for TWO consecutive sleep-overs !! How brave is that ?
Mum & Dad are gone ,,, off on a jolly .,., possibly their last for many years to come, although I haven't told them that .,., YET !
So we have the #1 son of that blessed union whilst #2 son is still baking !
They've gone to a luxury hotel in Royal Troon for some pampering ( and haven't even considered a game on the wonderful Royal Troon links !! I find it hard to believe the father is my son !!
Anyway today Gordy & the grand dad ( that's me ) are thinking up new names for the forthcoming baba .,., we've been through all the current contenders to no avail and now we've settled on "Nick-Names".
I have now let all the daughter's kid's nick-names out the bag and told Gordy about Mini-Mec, Baby Magic, The Pudgeman, Anna Bits & Tiny Troll so we just HAD to come up with two more ,, one for him & one for his baby brother.
So here they are :
Gordy will forthwith be deemed ... "Gordy Black Pudding" ( anyone who knows this kid will know how much of this stuff he can tuck away & therefore why this moniker is so very appropriate ! ) Now the new babe is a different matter altogether .,., we haven't been introduced yet so coming up with a wise crack moniker isn't so easy and may in due course change !
But for now we've settled on ,,,, wait for it .,.,., "Baby-Ben-10" ( no Mum, this was definitely NOT my idea !! but you know how these names stick :-)
Have a nice weekend folks ,, you just never know what you'll get back after TWO sleep-overs !!!
Ahh -hahahahahaha ...

Yer Other National Team !

Step up and take a bow yon wee Martin Steele, Marketing Manager of our other National drink, Iron Bru ! Martin is the wee genius, obviously made from girders, who has dreamt up the Sales Ad of the year .,., mibbie even the decade ?
Anywhooo, he's come up wi' this magic wee ruse ( to sell more of his ) { and our } beloved National brew !
He argues that if we ( that's Scotland of course ) want to win the World Cup of Footie then we need an infusion of new blood !
Brazilian blood would be good since they seem to win this trophy more than most ?
So, BRUZIL is born ! Samba MacFootball is on the horizon !
To "lay" in place the team of teams for World Cup 2034 we need to start now .,., ipsofacto, Martin wants us all ( boys AND girls from John O' Groats to the Borders ) to do holidays/visit Brazil "make friends" ( sow seeds if you will !! ) become the Parental Talent for the cause .,., Woof -Ya ! count me in wee man ,, I'm on my way to Rio's Copacabana beach right now !
Old Archie Gemmill ( late of our failed attempt circa 1978 but with a magnificent last ditch effort against the mighty Dutch ) and Andy ( heid the ba' ) Gray are fronting the newest game in town under the pseudonyms Arcihno Gemmelo & Andsilva Graato .,.,.,., urging us all to "get a Brazilian" ( ouch ! ) and make some new friends !!
So let's up, up & away to sunny Brazil and get busy on our future team all you 18/30 holiday lads & lassies .,., oh & some older talent too ,, those of us who can still recall the Great Days and the magic Scots who strutted their stuff on that Wembley turf in 1967 !!
Enter soon the likes of Eddie Alves, Crawford Baptista, Donaldo, MacKaka, mibbies even the new MacPelé, not to mention one brilliant wee left winger who goes by the tag Dougihno Buchista o' Parkheid !
Wee Archie reckons: "We huvnae qualified for the World Cup since France in 1998 so it's time for drastic measures. If we can harness the Scottish passion and the Brazilians' natural footballing skills then what a combination. I'm sure parents of these Scottish-Brazilian children will agree the kids should play for Scotland. We need all the help we can get. We need to boost our footballing DNA."
Archie enjoyed snuggling up to two Brazilian samba babes at the campaign's Glasgow launch yesterday but he regrets that he personally CAN'T do his bit for the Nation this time - because his wee wife Betty would kill him !
Irn-Bru have already placed lonely heart ads in Brazilian papers calling on locals to help Scotland.
One ad, in Portuguese naturally, placed in Rio De Janeiro's Extra newspaper, says:

"Scots lass seeks Brazilian man with good sense of humour to make Scottish football magic.

And I've got a fridge full of Irn-Bru" she says.

And another mickey-take sees Sky Sports expert Andy Gray commentating on Scotland's line-up for the 2034 World Cup Final with players including Flavio McFadden and Aberdeeninho.

Go SCOTLAND !!

I've a feeling this team might just do the business and we can then rub it into our downstairs neighbours for the next 44 years !!

See more fun at .,.,., irn-bru.co.uk/bruzil

Blaming the prince of the fools !

Couldn't have said it better myself ... Great quote.
Too bad we don't know who wrote it ....*
"The danger to America is not Barack Obama but a citizenry capable of entrusting a man like him with the presidency. It will be easier to limit and undo the follies of an Obama presidency than to restore the necessary common sense and good judgment to an electorate willing to have such a man for their president. The problem is much deeper and far more serious than Mr. Obama, who is a mere symptom of what ails us. Blaming the prince of the fools should not blind anyone to the "vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince".
The republic can survive a Barack Obama. It is less likely to survive a multitude of fools such as those who made him their president.” --
Author Unknown*

Now, can anyone see a leader on this side of the Pond with a "vast confederacy of fools that made him their prince" that we couldn't say exactly the same for ?
Tory Doctors excepted of course Bones !!

A very strange question ?

I'm golfing last week with my big buddy of many years when he suddenly asks me .,.,,
Have you ever had heartburn or indigestion ?
Eh, says I ,,, Yeah, hasn't everyone ? I've been a sufferer for more years than I care to remember .,., why ?
Well I've never had indigestion or heartburn before .,.,., he says !
Eh , what ! in your whole life ??
Uhuh, in my entire life I've never had this before he says ,, will you describe it for me ,, I think I might have it now !!
This from a guy who eats & drinks as much as anyone I know .,.,
How could he possibly have escaped it for all these years ?? ( that's 60+ btw !! )
I'm so envious .,., I'm gonna see my Quack to ask why I've always suffered from this ailment & this guy seemingly never has ?
But I'm also stumped ,, I find very quickly that I really can't describe these attacks any way simply or accurately at all ? It's a difficult description to come up with, even after 50 + years of suffering !
It's a pain here in the high chest area I tell him ,, well no, not exactly a pain ,, more a discomfort ,, it's a ,,, och ah don't know ,, just chew a lot of Rennies, Bisodol, whatever and it'll go away .,.,., unless of course it's a pending heart attack ,, !!
That cheered him up a lot !
Ha, that'll teach him to never have had chronic heartburn in the middle of the night !
Hell slap it into him to make up for lost time !!
:-)

Regrets I have a few !

There's a part of me that has become quite sentimental of late ... I guess it must be auld age tugging at my old heart strings or something ?

I don't suppose many of you will know this ,, perhaps not even my own children ? .,., but I was, once upon a time ,, many, many years ago ,, in a different life in fact ,, considered to be something of a "budding concert pianist" .,., ( that was a direct quote from the music teachers & examination boards I attended btw )

Yeah, I was ,, honest ! I actually played piano from the age of about 6 or 7 'till I was well into my teenage years ,,, Sat all sorts of piano forté exams, both theory and playing ,, reached a fairly high degree of competence and then .,.,.,.,., I don't know, found girls, golf, footie ,, something distracted me and I stopped going to my music teacher, stopped studying, and eventually stopped playing all together ! What an absolutely criminal waste.

In the past, maybe 10-years or so ,,, since my son also became quite an accomplished musician himself ( self taught guitar, sax, trumpet,) I have thought .,., time to take it up again !

I installed a "multi voiced, double keyboard organ" upstairs in our little spare bedroom where I also have my other computer etc ,,, the idea being that I WOULD get back to it .,., eventually !

Alas ,, I haven't ,,, YET !

This all hit me tonight again ,,,

a) when I watched the BBC Young Musician 2010 ( won incidentally by a brilliant young female pianist ) and then, later,,,

b) a televised Stevie Wonder concert ( I'm a long time fan ) and this concert was just sensational.

The whole episode started me remembering too, that my Dad ( a "heavy handed piano player" himself ) longed all his life to be an Orchestra Conductor ,, of all things !

He toiled most of his working life doing long, weary, dirty hard shifts as an engineer in the old Beardmore's Parkhead Forge in the days long before it became a shopping mall ! So to have such a dream seemed somehow incongruous to me .,., but now I think I'm beginning to finally understand. I once dreamt that I had won the Lotto and one of the first things I did with the cash was to arrange for him to conduct a full symphony orchestra ,,, sadly however neither of us got to fullfill that ambition .,.,

I wonder if it's a family failing or just the fear/ knowledge of the hours of practice that would be necessary .,.,., will I ever return to the keyboard ?

A Message from the dark side there is !

Hey, I survived ! .,., It's finished ,,
I managed to outwit the perils of the long ladder ,,
But absolutely, never again !! That was a scary couple of days.
However, the hall now looks like new ! Brownie points being collected !
So now it's on to the big bedroom :-(
Not long now 'til I collect my "Grampant" reward :-)
Woop-de-dooooo .....

or as they say in La Belle France ,,

Hey, j'ai survécu! .., C'est fini,
J'ai réussi à déjouer les périls de la longue échelle,
Mais absolument, plus jamais! C'était un couple effrayant de jours.
Toutefois, la salle ressemble maintenant à nouveau!
Alors maintenant, c'est sur la grande chambre :-(
Pas longtemps jusqu'à ce que je me recueillir "Grampant" récompense :-)
Woop-de-dooooo .....

or even in the Viking lands up Denmark way ....

Hey, jeg overlevede! .., Er det færdigt,
Jeg formåede at overliste farerne ved den lange stige,
Men absolut, aldrig igen! Det var en skræmmende par dage.
Men hallen ser nu som ny!
Så nu er det på de store soveværelse :-(
Ikke længe nu 'til samler jeg min "Grampant" belønning :-)
Woop-de-dooooo .....

I just know I'll get comments on this Blog from both the multi lingual daughter & mega lingual son-in-law !!
Bring it on guys ,,, I tried !!

At first I thought ,,

She just doesn't care ,,, sitting there with her kids, somehow oblivious to the fact that this could well be her old Dad's last day on earth ! Chatting away as if there was no danger ... even bringing her kids to see this possible gruesome catastrophe ? She watched closely enough ,, even asking questions ( while said Dad was 10-feet up a ladder on the precariously steep stairwell ???? )
Is she just that callus ?
Then, in a flash it dawned on me ,,, she's really still my liitle girl, the one who believes her Daddy can do anything and is somehow invincible, nay immortal !
Thanks pet, you probably don't even realise it, but that calmed me down and now the difficult, life threatening bits are all done !
Phew ,,, that is positively the last time this hall is being decorated.
( in my lifetime ! )

I now rest my case !

While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.
'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'
'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down into hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. (Oh yeah !!)
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who joins them in having a good time, dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a great night that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises....
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit heaven.'
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
'I don't understand,' stammers the MP.
'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

What happened?
The devil looks at him, smiles and says,
'Yesterday we were campaigning.. ...
Today you voted.

All jokes have their origins in TRUTH don't they ?!

We're at it again !

So it's started !
The re-decoration of the hall is now under way.
Yesterday we borrowed TWO of the daughter's steamers. ( believe it or not ,, she has THREE ! but not a decorator's bone in her or her man's bodies ! ,,, )
This turned out to be a wee bit of a mistake however.,.,the power consumption to run two of these wonderfully helpful machines seems to have resulted in melting the cable on our extension reel ,,, ( now in the bin ! ) Mmmmm, so finishing off the removal of the old wallpaper today will be a simple full steam ahead, if you like, but with just the one old steamer ( that'll be eh, ME ! )
Ahhh have now sussed ,, One of said machines is faulty ,, plugging it in it actually blows all my downstairs sockets !! Thanks Phyl ! Thought we'd had another NM power cut !!
This hall has always worried me somewhat as an amateur decorator ( or as some might say, as a miserable old sod ! ), in fact so much so that last time we had a painter decorator in to do it ! ( and may again ! ) for it is indeed proving to be more than a little problematic .,., it has these very high walls on one side necessitating the need for one of those special all purpose multi positional ladders ,, to be borrowed from my wee pal across the road hopefully .,., every strip of paper will need to be hung working at a jaunty angle from halfway up the stairs ,,, and I've always had this un-natural fear of death by falling downstairs :-)
Naturally,after a lifetime of perfecting this job experience I have all the necessary decorator's tools, pasting brush, smoothing brush, plumb line ( an old screw dangling on a piece of string ! ) a duster to keep my pasty hands off the paper, Oh and even the wee tottie roller for smoothing out the joins ( never use that though ) and a sponge to clean the pasting table ,, did I mention I have a pasting table too, albeit in need of replacing ?
But naw, you're right, I really have nothing in the way of proper tools for this job ,, just all this wonderful expertise :-$
The bottom landing in our hall has in the past suffered from water ingress !,, a leaky porch roof resulted in flowing water coming down the inside wall,leaving, not surprisingly, great water marks on the paper! We fixed the porch and as a stop-gap measure (some 5 or 6 years ago!) we artexed the bottom part of the hall on top of the water marked paper and re painted .,., It looked ok'ish and we separated it off from the upstairs paper by the simple addition of a wooden frame.,.,The artex being on top of the paper, we reasoned, would facilitate it coming off easily with the old paper when the time came to re decorate!! Well that seemed to be working ok yesterday until we got to the old wet area.,.,when the artex, paper and great chunks of the original plasterboard came off too!! Easy as pie !!
Oh well, the best laid plans as they say ,,, so we need to do a little fill-in plaster job too ,,,
We've now completed two days of sweat shop steaming and scraping ( not as young or fit as we once were so we now work shorter hours ! ) and still have the difficult final phase to perform ,, that's the one up the ladder !! Oh Jings, Crivens ( and apologies to Al ) .,., Help !!
The actual papering I expect will be much quicker when we get to it ,, with me hanging & my trusty paster pasting .,., At this job we are truly a TOP-TEAM !
But of course it all depends on my wee pal's ladder & me conquering my fear of dying by falling !
I'll let you know if I survive this test !
And if I do what's the reward I mused ,, rampant sex on the carpet ( I'd hoped ) ? Nope ,, ( she says ... )

It's in the bedroom .,.,, Oh, Yo ,,,,

But don't get too hot under the collar .,., it's just the next decorating job awaiting the TEAM !
Oh well mibbie a wee reward after that ??

Ha, she sniggered in bed last night .,., " Don't you mean GRAMPant sex !! :-(

Some women can deflate a worker's ego with a single wee snigger you know !

Yawn, yawn, yawn,,,,, Zzzzzzzz

Yeah it's election day ,, again ,, Can anything be more boring ?!
So, I've decided to take my good lady out for the day ,, we're off down the coast 'till it's all over .,., well to miss most of it anyway.
In all my years I don't think I've ever seen a more incompetent bunch of politicos .,., strikes me they couldn't blow their own bloody nose without help. ( and bloody noses is what they all deserve ) So, after much thought, NONE of them will get my vote ,,, first time in 50 years I've done that .,., but I WILL visit the Polling station and register my utter disgust & contempt for them. After all they should be told how the voters think ?
I used to believe that voting was something you absolutely MUST do ,, people had fought & died to ensure we all had this right ,,, BUT did they ever consider that there would come a day when there wasn't a single honest, worthy, wannabee politician in the land ?
No, neither did I ,,, sad isn't it ?

Does it really matter ?

This time round I have totally ignored all the Political hype surrounding the General Election.
I have not listened to one single party political broadcast nor did I watch any of the dumbed down USA styled leader confrontations. But sadly I haven't been able to miss the nightly NEWS updates !
However, after almost 50-years of voting I have finally come to the conclusion that it matters "not a jot" who is in power in this country. It will have no effect whatsoever on me whether Tory, Labour, LibDem or any other non event party become the next government.
As a sixty-something silver citizen I now firmly believe there is not a single politician ( in any party ) who is not in it for what they can get personally. The average Scottish / British Joe, like myself, will suffer a lifetime of traumas of unfair taxes, job insecurities and continual government rip offs, from womb to tomb. So why bother succumbing to their stupid nonsense ( have you seen the sickly news bulletins and watched them begging in public for votes ,,, OMG, Yuk, the lengths they'll go to .,., )
And as for wasting my valuable time ? ,,, Sorry, no more, get out of my face !
They are, as old Terry Thomas would have said ,, "an absolute shower !"
And I'll add ,, cheating, lying, thieving, tax dodging, unscrupulous, work-shy, useless scumbags.
Can I suggest a total boycott of the polling stations next week ?
No I didn't think so ,, never mind, in the years to come you young things will learn that old can indeed also be wise ?

Spring has Sprung !

Spring has sprung,
The grass is riz,
I wonder where the burdies is ?
The burd is on the wing ,,,
Now that's absurd ,,
The wing is on the burd !!
Boom-boom !!
And so it has come to pass ,,, Easter has come & gone .,., Now is the time !
Spring cleaning, moving stuff, decorating and all that jazz, is on the mind of yon burd wat I married all dem years ago !!
The bedroom needs decorating ,,, What again ?! ( it can't be more than 10-years since I last slaved away in there .,., not counting the sex of course .,., Yo ,, think that calls for another Boom-boom, don't you ? )
The hall needs re done too ,,, ( What ? ,, the painter / decorator guy next door did that no more than ,, was it ? oh that long !! .,., and then of course we promised ourselves a complete new bathroom upstairs after we bought the new kitchen !
So, this afternoon I've been moving stuff .,., chest of drawers from here to there, big storage cupboard from there to here, and naturally all the stuff that was inside these units is now being sifted, discarded or re situated.
I've come to the conclusion ,,, I know, it's taken me a while ,,, but ,,, A married man's work is never ending .,., we're akin to Forth Road Bridge painters ! .,., wonder if our single cousins act out this Spring ritual ?
Anyway I know my next few days on the golf course will be soooo tolerated ,,, the beloved will be in her element now for days on the above sifting, binning, cleaning & re cycling to locations afresh !
All I need concern myself with now is her finding the "right" wallpaper & paint !!
Oh aye, and ye might notice .,.,I've also done a wee Spring clean oan ma blog page in case ye didnae recognise me !

So where's the help ?

Great intit !?
A wee bit of ASH and the country is on it's knees ,,,
Bet old Adolf wishes he'd thought of it !
But doesn't it surprise you that no bugger is lifting a finger to help those thousands of stranded passengers all over Europe ??
Not the Airlines ( who've taken more than their fair share of profit for many a long year),,
Not the Uk Government ( who've encouraged them ! and who should be doing something with a General Election coming up right on the back of this fiasco )
Not the Euro Parliament, nor the individual European country governments .,.,
No Sir ,,, you flew overseas for pleasure at Easter then you can find your own way back ,,, no matter the inconvenience ,, no matter the cost !
OK, so I have an axe to grind ,, half my daughter's family are stranded with her in Denmark ,, and the other half of her family are equally stranded but in France with their father ,,
It's bloody high time the airlines faced up to their responsibilities and at the very least laid on a few BUSES !! For Christ's sake .. how much can that cost ?
And aye they are suffering some losses at the moment but bet your very last Euro they'll pass that on to us sooner rather than later ,,, Just watch air fares rocket real soon now !
And you know what .,., if they increase by as much as a half a Euro they can shove their 'planes where the sun don't shine ! And I'll be wanting a refund on my new EXPENSIVE PASSPORT as well, since I can't use it ( no I'm not about to drive or take a slow boat to the far continent thanks very much ! )
A final message just in from Iceland :
"Leave £30Bn in used notes in a bag behind the Icelandic Embassy in London and we'll turn off the Volcano !"
Somebody ,, please ,, give them the cASH !!

So, we wait !

This has been a funny old end of week ! ( but definitely not Ha-Ha ! )
The daughter plus hubby with their first born Anna had gone to Denmark to see their Danish family & let them see their latest little, but growing grandchild Amaia .,.,.,
At the same time the Ex son-in-law had taken the other three kids to celebrate their French grandmother's 80th. birthday.
So all were scattered in Europe when the Icelandic volcano decided to erupt !
I was due to drive back to Edinburgh tomorrow just as I had done last Friday, this time to pick them up from the airport rather than dropping them off !
Sadly as we now all know ,,, nothing is flying but the birds ! And unless they can find a flock of really Big Birds then they are all staying put .,., and for how long is anybody's guess right now !
This volcanic blow out btw, was not something arranged by me in order that my Friday golf game wouldn't be interrupted ! But what a freak of nature it has turned out to be ,,, first time EVER that all UK air traffic has been grounded ! ( and now most of near Europe too )
The daughter naturally is more than a little distraught .,., Her 3-bigger kids have been away with their father for 2 weeks and she absolutely hates these long separations ,, now looking like a possible further week since Norwegian Airways, with whom she is flying, have only two flights out of Copenhagen per week, Mon & Frid !
Of course I've tried doing the fatherly things to comfort her, telling her to relax and enjoy the extra holiday, that we'll take care of the biggies if they make it home before her ,, etc, etc, but she's a mother ,, the Earth Mother in fact .,., and mothers need to see their babies !
So, like I said at the beginning of this piece .,., We Wait !

Here it is then Al !

I've NOT been asked to go into my photo folders open up the first folder, publish the tenth photo from the folder regardless of what it is and give a wee explanation of what the photo is all about, but I'm doing it anyway !!
The photo is my mum, dad & a camera shy little me aged about 4 ( circa 1947 'ish ) with my auntie Cissie ( mum's older sister ) & her sugar-daddy hubby Chay close behind.
It was taken in Arbroath where the auntie & uncle lived.
And now I've to nominate 5 more folk to do the same.
In effect, a chain letter/email. Like the above mentioned ( you can call him Al ! )I can't stand those 'if you don't do this something really bad will happen to a loved one' kind of nonsense so they all go into the bin - even if this isn't that kind of rubbish, being simply the sharing of random potentially entertaining, or interesting, information.
So I nominate Phyl, Thomas, Derek, WeeAnne & any A.N.Other to do their stuff & keep Al happy
:-)

That was the week that was ! ( or TW3 if you're old enough ! )

The way we are .,., to the way we were ! In only a few short years !!

Well it's almost over.
The week of the mighty celebrations and silliness !
Soon I can get back on my oh so necessary DIET ! ( the underpants are killing me again ! )
Thursday 1st. ,, well what can I say ?.,., all the Fools were let out of the asylum for a morning ; special mention to our new'ish son-in-law for trying to convince us that Tories Ken Clarke & John Redwood and even Labour's John Cruddas had defected to the Lib/Dems ! Ehhh ?
Good try Thomas but with Ken Clarke you blew it !
Good Friday 2nd. saw us unable to get tickets for Chris Rea in concert at the Glasgow SECC, however not to be beaten for lack of a wee bit entrance paper we invited our friends & fellow disappointed fans J & S to come round and share a Chinese Take-Away while we listened to Chris Rea Cd's and got quietly plastered !! ( No need to drive home from this gig ! )
Saturday 3rd. and next came our wedding anniversary,,,
I find it hard to believe myself but today we have been married for ( let me just check it again ! ) .,., yip it was 1965 ,, so 45-years !! ( Hey, she was obviously a baby snatcher ,, or I was a child bride or something ? )
Bloody Hell, and her mother said it would never last ! Ha ..
She ( the daughter of the disbeliever, ie, the wife ) tells me this anniversary is something called Sapphire .,. I have absolutely no idea what she's talking about :-)
Next up, Monday 5th. and the anniversary of my being ,, or is it my coming ? ... Naw, I'm definitely no' HIM !
In any event this will be the actual Birthday day, not like one of Queeny's pseudo days .,., this is the real thing ! and NO, it's NOT the big Seven Ohhh as some cheeky b*****d so insulting asked .,., I'm much younger than that ,, years in fact ! Look at me for God's sake ,, do I look like an OLDIE ?!! Aw, really ??
Jumping back a day now, to Sunday 4th. ,, today in fact ! ,, the family Clan are a gathering, coming over ( the son & family ) & up ( the daughter & family ) to celebrate with the old folks and have a bit of a dinner ( and no doubt more drinkies ! .,., OK that's it ! ... this diet is now officially ,,, eh, Banjaxed ! )
Anyway, the problem with this momentous week is .,., the FOOD !! ( oh aye and the hooch ! )
I tried staying true to the good Doc. Atkins but temptation lay all around me ,, I really never stood a chance ,, a Chinese take-away for 4 ( I don't know how these Orientals are all so bloody thin ,, this meal always feeds at least 6 if not 8 ! )
An anniversary meal at our local pub/restaurant .,., a surf n' turf fit for a big guy ! But we were good ,, we opted for NIL PUD !! The wine was lovely and the aprés digestif liquer(s) were superb, but have already gone straight to the hips !!
And so to this Happy Anniversabirthday treat today ,,, Oh Jings !!
Hic, the aperitifs have started flowing already .,., so I'm off to indulge ,, just one more time !!

Honest !! See you again next week Doc. !!

Birthday Boy time .,., again :-(

Soon I'll be yet one more year older ,, Arghhhhhhhh

It seems to have been happening for weeks this bloody birthday and it's not even a "special" one !!

I first discovered my beloved had bought me a brilliant new camera when the confirmation letter / bill flew through the letterbox a few weeks ago. I've been reading about all it's features & functions since but trying not to use it too much before the actual birthday day ,,,,

Yesterday I was sitting quietly reading when all hell broke loose and ALL my grandchildren and their mothers & fathers arrived out of the blue ! That's all 10- of them !! Oor wee living room just isnae big enough, but I made sure of retaining my seat by simply not moving !

It's very funny actually watching them all vieing for a place to park their bums .,., every time someone moved, another bum was promptly parked in the vacated seat ,, I eventually became quite confused though .,., trying to hold a conversation with any one of them became a case of following them around the room .,., first they're on the couch, then an easy chair, next a dining room chair,, then the floor ,,, phew ,, it's tiring this game of birthday musical chairs !

Anyway, the big kids ,,, #'s 1, 2 & 3 on my daughter's side, came to give me an early card & presents since they will be away in France with their dad next week on my actual birthday day !

So it was lovely ,, they even bought me stuff with their own money so I guess they really do love their old Pumpa ! Thanks guys ,, your pressies were great .,., and just a wee word to each of you,

Pumpa loves y'all too :-)

The son and his family had just dropped in for a coffee and a blether so I guess I have another birthday day to look forward to next week ? :-)

This birthday is turning into the longest one ever ,,, total time celebrating this is now looking like some 5- weeks !

Now I know how Queenie must feel with all her different birthday days !

Come to think of it, haven't seen her card yet ?

That "F" word raises its ugly head again.

One of the worst disasters in Glasgow's history was the fire that broke out in Cheapside Street in the Anderston area of the city on March 28, 1960.
Fire and smoke billowed up into the night sky and was visible for miles around.
A total of 14 members of the Glasgow Fire Service and five men from the Glasgow Salvage Corps lost their lives fighting the blaze.
The fire started in a bonded warehouse that contained over a million gallons of whisky and rum. Within minutes of the firefighters arriving at the scene there was a massive explosion literally blowing the building apart.
The firemen and three appliances were buried in masonry.
As the fire spread it engulfed the tobacco warehouse, an ice cream factory and the Harland and Wolff engine works.
Fed by a huge lake of whisky, the fire took a week to extinguish completely.
Apart from the volatile nature of the liquid what made the fire dangerous to fight was the location of the building itself. The streets around the warehouse were very narrow and made it difficult for the emergency teams to get close enough to tackle the fire effectively.
Much criticism was later laid on the siting of the whisky warehouse in such a built-up area.
But nobody who remembers that night will ever forget one of Glasgow's most harrowing tragedies of the 20th century.

I was 17 in 1960. I had almost forgotten, until I saw it on TV last night, but one of my mother's older brothers ( Jim Crosbie ) was the Salvage Corps Fire Chief in Glasgow's Albion Street and was in attendance at that infamous night in Cheapside Street.
The loss of life suffered by the brave men of the Fire service that night was a nightmare. Uncle Jim survived this trauma but who knows what horrors he witnessed in Cheapside Street ?
Perhaps significantly, not long after, he upped sticks & took the family off to a new life in Australia ?

Those of you who read my blog from time to time will know, or may remember, that I also lost my old Dad to the after effects of a house fire. ( See October 21, 2009 OMG ,, not again ! )
He and his lady friend ( mum had died many years previously ) were overcome whilst trying to make their escape and died horrendous deaths from the effects of "smoke inhalation" some long weeks later.
This was the same Dad who made a heroic effort many years previously to save our little female child next door neighbour when she was caught in the middle of an inferno of her night clothes & long hair .,., Throwing her onto a carpet runner he ripped from our lobby floor, he wrapped her in it and beat the flames with his bare hands, but alas to no avail .,., this poor little soul too died some weeks later.
What an awful way to go ,,,

This past week my little grandson was suddenly inconsolable when out of the blue and sobbing he asked his mum ,, " Who'll hug me mummy when you die !"
This set me too thinking about death, hence the above memories surfacing yet again.

Are we, as a family I wonder, susceptable or prone to fire hazards ?
Oh God I hope not ,, if ever there was a way I DON'T want to die ....
Surely this can't be the case ?
I know that mastering the ability to make a fire is what separates us from the animals, but, I do worry, we've had more than our fair share of run-ins with this dreaded foe.

Socks & me

Socks have always been something of a chore for me.
Choosing the correct colours, materials, thickness, plain or stripey, size etc, (and just how on earth can the same socks cover gents shoe sizes from 6 to 11 ??)
I actually much prefer summer months when I can generally go without the damned things !
Alternatively give me the Prince Charles arrangement with a brand new luxury pair every day !
This week I've had more than my fair share of socky troubles.
First it was a good heavy pair of "Get yer sports socks here, two perr fur a poun'"
I went out for a round of golf with a perfectly matching, intact pair, one on each foot ! and came back with a big toe-size hole in the right foot sock only !
Where the hell did that come from ? I mean these socks were not old ,, ,, well maybe 4 or 5 years but only used sparingly ! I binned them straight away ,, I will not wear holey, or worse still, darned socks, ever ( Oh Yuk ! )
Two days later it happened again ! A walk in town with herself and Hey-Presto, another pair of much more recently acquired sockies .,., fine dressy types ; another hole in the big toe region ! Another quick bin abandonment.
What on earth is happening ? Are the sock manufacturers neglecting their Quality Control ? Are the sheep making inferior wool ? Are man made fibres on the wane ?
I've put on a little extra weight over the winter months ( but not in the feet ! ) and all this bending down to put on fresh socks twice a day is fair doin' in my head ( or belly ? ) .,.,
However today, after the whole scenario occurred for the third time in a week I put my weary old foot up on a chair to put on a fresh pair of the offensive garments .,., and there it was ,, the culprit suddenly leapt ( poetic license ) into full & majestic view !
Oh dear, time to cut the ole toe nails again I fear .,.,
Funny how you forget stuff when you get old intit ?!

She's only gone & done it again !

The beloved bought me a White Rhino some time ago, a magnificent speciman he was too ( and indeed still is ! ) He has pride of place in our living room and goes by the name Mukwa, after the traditional African wood from which he was made ! This guy was carved with great love and by an artist who had studied him well.

The White Rhinoceros of today is said to be descended from Ceratotherium praecox which lived around 7 million years ago, so he's no youngster, but isn't he beautiful ?
She found my Mukwa sitting all alone in a little African craft shop, in Crieff, Scotland, of all places and decided he was to be mine, no matter the cost ! I've always had this "thing" about these beautiful creatures you see ; I've even had one come at me full pelt intent on doing me severe mischief ,, fortunately I was some ten feet above him at the time and on solid ground when he crashed into the earth below me ,,, but I'll tell you this, the way the ground shook I never want to be chased on the same level !
As it happens Mukwa was fairly expensive but I'd gladly have parted with ten times as much to be his keeper, for he is magnificent, exquisite & absolutely unique ,, a one off.

A couple of weeks ago I discovered ( purely by accident ) that she'd done it to me again .,.,
It's getting near to my birthday (yeah, another one ! ) :o( ,,,, and coming downstairs early one morning I absentmindedly opened the mail, including what looked like a bit of junk mail addressed to herself.
Ooops ! I wakened up immediately on noticing the words ; " Thank you Mrs. B for your valued order ,,,, Your Camera will be delivered from Jessops Online store in two days ,,,, etc, etc" ,,, and a rather large bottom line sum of £££ detailing her purchase !!
So, not quite so unique and certainly not a one off this time, but she's just made me the proud & very happy owner of the Nikon I've been lusting after for some time but simply wouldn't buy because I already had the model just below this one and I really couldn't justify the expense of a 2nd. one to myself ! So the beloved justified it for me ! :o)
This amazing wee wuman spoils me rotten ,, has done all our married life.
Ye can keep yer José Mário dos Santos Félix Mourinho's .,.,

I have my very own Special One.

MGI PhotoSuite -- the Demise !

Alas, now gone to that big Photo Manipulation project in the sky !
For some years now we, that's the entire Clan Buchanan, have used the very simple MGI PhotoSuite to do a bit of picture manipulation ,,, you know the kind of thing ,, removing a little devilish red eye, brightening up the odd darkish photo, cloning the snot from the we'an's noses ,,
nothing terribly exacting ,, just easy to do stuff ! ( for aren't we easy to do, simple folks ? )
Well we were !
This week, after yet another round of Microsoft's seemingly endless upgrades to my Vista Home edition server ( how much more upgrading can we all stand I wonder ? ) the faithful old MGI finally had enough, floated off in the mist and died !
It's apparently now so old & indeed old hat that even it's 2nd. generation owner Roxio ( sounds like some old stripper doesn't she ? ) is having no more to do with it ,,, no upgrades, no patches, so no way back .,., she's GONE now and gone for good !
So, since there was nothing else for it we ( well I ) decided .,.,
Let's look again at the two other options we have available to us .,., those we downloaded some years ago but were never able to use for lack of know-how ! Time to learn perhaps ?
First up we have Photo Shop .,., and all it's layers !! Jesus ! Have you ever tried comprehending this in any shape or form ? It's utter Gobble-de-Gook .,., was then and still is now, although to be fair they do offer an instruction manual with 24 ( yeah count them ,,, Twenty Four ! ) 1-hour tutorials !! And when you finally get to the 24th. hour, if you can remember even your bloody name never mind Tut 1, then go back and start all over again, but only if you still have the will to live !! Way too complicated, by far.
Next up we have The Gimp ! Sounds a bit Non PC to me ,, hey, am I the only one limping here ,, but apparently it's an acronym for GNU Image Manipulation Program.
Haha, this one is so much better .,., NOT ! .,., it comes with the obligatory manual too of course.,., some 300 odd pages this time and from the first, no let's not exaggerate, the 2nd. paragraph, is absolutely and totally incomprehensible .,.,
Now I'm not a dummy, I had a good education to higher level, and followed that with night school, etc but I'm damned if I can take in ANY of these programmes ,,,
Who writes this drivel shite ? It can only be NERDS of the computer age .,., in a language that only they and their fellows can follow .,.,
Please my followers, sign up here and let's send a New World Petition to such as these fools to compile a simple user manual ( ONE-A4 page max ! ) for all us old fogies who simply want to accomplish the simplist of photographic correction tasks ,, not send a man to the bloody moon !

God Only Knows.

The other night I watched a tribute to one of my all time favourite groups, The Beach Boys.
This particular programme was dedicated to Dennis ( Wilson ) and his contribution to the group.
Dennis was a bit of a hell raiser and true mostly only to himself. ( A Hero or a Villain ? )
Perhaps not the nicest of guys, selfish to a fault, but boy did he work at his life's (Good Vibrations ) stuff.
Sadly, soaked in alchohol and hitting the hard drugs hard Dennis, at age 43 burned out and drowned ( possibly even intentionally opted out of life ? .,., Done all he had to do ? ,, ( Sail on Sailor )
Of course I knew the story from way back, when it all happened ,, all the details about both him and the truly genius brother Brian ,, the rest of the boys .,., and the bastard father (who has much to answer for ,, currently rotting in Hell hopefully ) ,,
But why such a price the creators always seem to have to pay for their genius ?
I found the whole thing very moving naturally, but it did set me to wondering again ,,,
( yeah I've mulled this one over many times in the past )
Maybe a 40-year life span lived at a high level of achievement is actually preferable to an 80-year span of ordinaryness ? ( Wouldn't it be Nice ? )
Who has the happiest, best, more fullfilled life ?
Mr. ( flawed ) Genius or Mr. ( conforming ) Average ???
I'll never know now .,., missed my chance years ago !
( brings us back to God Only Knows ? )
But I have my suspicions !!

Let us not scoff .... ( Och aye let's ! )

England are off to the World Cup soon apparently !
It must surely be soon if all the hype is to be believed ?
Wright, Wright, Wright is all a dither already, dribbling thro' his gold tooth at the prospect of his team winning the cup ,,,!

( Somehow my vision is more like him crying after every game ? again ! )
Now remember what I said ,, we mustn't scoff ! After all they're not the brightest stars in the sky, footie players ( or ex-players ! ) are they ?
Fabio is telling his "aces" to behave, not to shame the shirt ,, or be sacked !

Ha ! A bit late maybe Fab ?
That'll be the same Fab who's taken the Captain shirt from the "Love Rat" and given it to the "Alleged Druggie" !
Oh, and the same manager that wants phantom phone texter and "Love Rat II" Cole in the team !! Well at least wee Cheryl has dumped him from her team !

Why aye pet...
Then there's the prospect of the ex captain playing alongside and building "Bridges" with his "friend" Wayne .,., ( well at least Wayne will know where he is for that 90 minutes ! )
The bold Terry only wants to win the Premier League title, the Champions League Cup AND the World Cup, Hahahaha ,,, oh and a few more more Groupies thrown in to the communal bath after the games wouldn't go amiss I'm sure ! ,,,

Only a totally brainless, but very rich, serial shagger could think in these terms and actually believe it might happen ? ( You can't BUY a World Cup son ! )
Well like I said ,, God bless them ,, they need all our support ???
Och naw, let's just scoff and buy the new World Cup tee shirt ,, The ABE !
( that's "anybody but engerland" just in case you've missed it )

PS for Fab : Before & after JOHN TERRY was famously dropped as captain when it was revealed he had bedded Chelsea and England team-mate Wayne Bridge's girlfriend, we also had/have :-
The other Engerland "stars" said to have cheated on their WAGs are, Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Wayne Rooney, David James, David Beckham, Emile Heskey and Gabriel Agbonlahor.
Aston Villa striker Agbonlahor ( some English name that one ! ) got three girls pregnant.

He was allegedly seeing them all at the same time. ( quite a bloody striker then ! )

His Villa strike partner Ashley Young stripped off on webcam for a girl. ( not so much a striker as a flasher then ? )
Spurs front man Jermain Defoe denied being a love rat in 2008 after being accused of cheating on his then fiancée. ( aye right Jer, we believe you ,, even if she didn't ! )
So it's true then ,,, England WILL win the World Cup ?

Alreadty have in fact .,.,., Champs-of-sex-scandal-World-Cup that is of course.

My Beloved Valentine.

Still crazy ( about the woman ) after all these years !

We stopped doing the soppy, stupidly expensive, cards & flowers long ago.

We now choose instead to express our love for one another in the much more practical form of a really nice bottle of wine, given each to the other and drunk over the following days with a couple of equally special, romantic meals for two, sometimes quietly in a nice restaurant, sometimes at home with appropriate background music ...

OK so some might say we are just a pair of old drunks, ( hic ) but I prefer to believe we are telling one another that we are still deeply in love and at the same time doing our bit to stick it to the Greeting Card & Flowers industry rip off merchants !

So on yet another Feb.14 together I raise my glass ( metaphorically of course for it's still only breakfast time ! ) in a toast to the Love of my Life.

Cheers petal, and long may it continue.

Love always xxx xx

You Shouldn't Laugh !,,, No, really, you shouldn't !

Can you believe this ?
A BUNGLING medic managed to give a false LEFT foot to a patient who had lost a right leg !

Aw c'mon ,, you've got to be kidding me ?
And no' only that, the Numpty Doc. technician Malcolm Griffiths, failed to spot his blunder at TWO later check-ups with the patient.

Eh ? Wis he sober ?
The case of the "two left feet" charge is one of a list of complaints that false limb technician Griffiths will face at a disciplinary hearing next week.

Hey, maybe he thought his patient was Jake the Peg ?
He "could" be suspended or struck off if he's found unfit to practise. IF ???
Well he might no' be unfit, but I guess he disnae dance either !!
Griffiths was fired from the "SMART" centre - ( hahahahahaha the SMART centre ! ) a mobility clinic at Edinburgh's Astley Ainslie Hospital - in 2008.
He allegedly fitted the wrong foot to a patient identified as "A".

( And just let me get this right here ,,, "A" didnnae notice either that he had aquired TWO LEFT FEET ? )
He is also accused of causing "unnecessary delay and pain" by bungling the case of another patient, identified as "D".

Aw Don't tell me ,,, he put this one's new heid on back tae front ?
In all, this eejit faces complaints and allegations involving 11 patients.
Let me just comment here, if it took 'till patient #11 before his bosses noticed his poor performance then they should be fired as well !
It's alleged that he "demonstrated continual poor performance in several areas of his work". Alleged ?? alleged ,, who writes this garbage ?
Griffiths's fate will be decided next Thursday by the Health Professions Council Conduct and Competence Committee.
It's only taken from 2008 'till now to figure if this guy is competent or not .,.,.,
Jesus ! Gi' me strength !

When did the Renfrew Ferry last sink ?

The AMPHIBIOUS bus ( the Amfibus ! ) that can travel on water and roads ( Hey, didn't Jesus do that walking on water thing too ? ) has been grounded - less than an hour after taking to the water. Glug, glug Oopps !
Trials on the River Clyde had to be abandoned because of a "technical problem".
Operators, Stagecoach ( Oh stop it ,,, it's the Pony Express again then ? ) were carrying out a two-day test and demonstration ( ha ! ) of the "horse bus" between Renfrew and Yoker.
But the trial had to be aborted when the bus/horse developed a wee problem !
You can take a horse to water you know .,.,., But now, Roy Rogers is being brought in as a "whisperer consultant !"
A Stagecoach spokesman said, "It's all part of the challenge you face when you have a technical trial and we will now go back to the evaluation process." ( Shank's Pony ? )
Horses for courses and all that !
Stagecoach ( can't these cowboys find a better name ? ) had intended to have two hours of tests this morning but had to stop after half an hour.
Glug, glug, glug ,,,, throw that horse a lifebelt !
Based on a bus chassis, the amfibus uses a hull that allows the vehicle to float.
( Aye well, some of the time mibbie ! ) While it operates like a normal coach ( or horse ) on the road, when it's in water it is driven by twin water jets and can achieve a speed of eight knots, but hey, so can a wee submarine !

The £700,000 Dutch-made vehicle ( HOW MUCH ? ) can carry 50 passengers ( right, after you Councillor ? ) and may replace the ferry service between Renfrew and Yoker, which is to be scrapped.,.,., wait for it ,, to save money ! .,., Hahahaha SAVE money ?? Spend a mere £700 grand PER ! and pay suitable compen to all souls "lost at river"! and Bingo ,, we're onto another Glesca winner ! 500-years from now they'll be moaning about it being replaced ,, probably by some wee dependable FERRY thing ?
That 500-year-old Renfrew Ferry service ( which I don't think ever suffered the ignomony of it's about-to-be successor ? ) will stop running in March because operators Strathclyde Partnership for Transport said it needed to save money.
Can somebody please buy these bampots a calculator ?
Incidentally, an amfibus has never been used in the UK for commuters.
( Mmmmm, wonder why ? Maybe they never came up again for air ? )
Anyway, the Spokesman went on to say: "We thought the bus horse would be particularly suited to linking the two sides of the Clyde where you can have one seamless journey from one side to the other ??? He said WHIT ?
"We often look at our rivers and estuaries and see them as a bit of a barrier to travel but we actually think they can be a link between two communities.
He did it again ,, Eh gibberish that, is it no'?
God, and he's still going on .,.,
"This service we think has got big potential." ( For what exactly ? Who still uses the old Ferry ? It's just a tourist or photographer attraction is it no' ? But of course a nostalgic one that should be kept !
I don't remember the last time I saw it actually MOVE and I'm getting on a bit ! )
However, I leave the last comment to the sharp wee cookie wrote about the aborted trial :
Bet that's the last time the driver dips his headlights :-)

An old friend is gone.

I was more than happy some 10-years ago when my job reached the "at risk" stage after some 38-years, and I was later "allowed to leave"!!
Some of my staff/workforce, many of them long term employees like myself, became so much more than mere fellow workers over many of these years. Genuine whole family friendships developed, most of which have lasted a lifetime now.
However, as life & time passes and interests diversify we meet socially less & less and communication finally dwindles to an exchange of Xmas cards with a scant few words of what's been happening in our lives over the previous year !
Silly, silly mistake ! Why do we let this happen ?,, for don't we always end up regretting it ?.,., For no good reason we lose a whole set of friends .,., as if we had a superfluousity of them !
Then one day, completely out of the blue it all comes home to roost, back to bite you on the bum, and with such a vengence !
A good friend and old colleague suddenly and unexpectedly dies. Oh !
Not only that but I now find he's been fighting his killer, cancer, for some 3 or 4 years ,, and of course had I known I would certainly have made a point of visiting .,., How could you not visit a guy who can get into a party mood like this ?
Even worse, his wife & 2-boys were understandably devastated and I have only now found out that his funeral was last week.
A sad news day indeed so today I say a belated and heartfelt goodbye to one of nature's good guys, Cheeri Alex, so sorry to have missed your passing but we'll always have fond memories !

As if there's not enough stupidity in the world already !

Enter PC Plonker Plod !

Aka Shiny Buttons.

This is the bloody no-brain fool who booked a motorist for blowing his nose in his car !!

Forget all the nonsense of whether the car was in neutral, with the handbrake on .,.,

IT DOESN'T MATTER ,,

It's time we told the do-gooder-brigade, health & safety, Bureaucracy-gone-mad team (again) that anybody capable of driving can manage to do such simple chores whether the car is in gear or out .,., we understand how clutch & foot brake work ! ( and we can also light a ciggie, change a Cd, talk to our passengers, check a Sat Nav screen and lots more whilst driving safely, but I won't go into further detail lest any children be reading :-)

However here's a link for grown up people !! ( not Plod obviously ! ) http://www.howcast.com/videos/6630-How-To-Have-Sex-in-a-Car

This is the same clown incidentally who booked another of the public (who pay his damned wages) when the unsuspecting guy dropped a tenner on his way out of a shop !

He was deemed a Litter lout .,.,., ! Give me strength !

Who let this idiot on the Force ? And why is he not now on the dole ??

His mammy should put him over her knee and skelp his stupid arse.

And if this case should ever go to court I would love to see EVERY motorist in Britain sit in their car on the day and get out the hankies .,.,

Let's hear it for the dumbest cop in my lifetime .,.,

Big blow now !!

The Dress Circle ?

The beloved was commenting the other night that we have lost a few of our closer friends over the years .,., some through death, some through neglect but nevertheless our "inner circle" was definitely dwindling !
Time to perhaps add some new friends ? Not a bad idea I'm thinking, so watch out all you unsuspecting readers out there .,., we may well drag you into the "circle" and once in, there's no way out other than the above mentioned ( undesireable ) neglect or DEATH !!

She also nudged me again in the direction of "going out" of an evening !
Movies, theatres, pubs, restaurants, you know the kind of thing ? Again I agreed wholeheartedly. Let's do it ,, more often if not regularly ?
So, this very morning I opened up the Glasgow Theatres "guide," the Concert Hall "what's on," the movies currently doing the rounds .,., in short I'm on a mission !

Gees, I wonder how she's gonna react when I give her the list of up-coming "events here in the 2nd. city of the Empire !" Jes-us ,, this you simply won't believe .,., well I don't !

Offerings from The Pavillion over the next month or two include ; Dorothy Paul ( Once more .. again ! ,, that says it all Dot ! ) Ken ( f**king spare us ) Dodd ! , Sydney ( bloody) Devine ( is he no' deid yet ? ) Dean Park ( good but if you've seen him wance ! ) an evening with Larry ( who? ) Lamb ( Oh that scintillating deid actor from Eastenders ,, what the hell's he gonna do on stage for 2-hours ? ) The Hairy Bikers ?? ( ditto ,, mibbie cook the audience a meal ? ) ,,, then it gets worse ,, aye WORSE ,,, Showwaddywaddy, Jethro Tull, Christian ( now he's definitely deid surely ? ) Joe Longthorne ( he was dying years ago ! ) American Wrestling ( eh ? )
Then there's the sound ( nothing ) like groups ,, Abba, T-Rex, Roy Orbison, Johnny Cash .,.,
Oh and wait for it ,, the absolute end ,, and deid for sure ,, The Magic of Scotland with ,,,
Yep,,, The Alexander Brothers .,., I repeat .,., JESUS !!
Why no' just shut down the theatres ?

The Concert Hall is nae better ,, Celtic connections ( hopeless for wan hauf o' Glesca onyway ? ) Transatlantic connections ( and they Yanks cannae even play fitba')
Oh or Chinese New Year celebrations ?.,.,
Maybe Anton & Erin takes your fancy ? Naw, mine neither !
But of course there's always the BBC Orchestra doing the well loved Schumann !! ( C'mon )

The Kings is possibly even worse ,,, Oodles o' Ballet or a host of "alternative" ( that means swearing a lot ) comedians ?

Oh tae hell ,, Let's do the cinema then I thought ;
Would you believe Alvin & the (bloody) Chipmunks, ( the Squeakquel !! ), Toy Story II ( in 3D ! ), Avatar or Astro Boy ?

Have I just been unlucky and picked the wrong season ??
Or ( oh shit nawwww ,,, ) is this what I've got to look forward to forever more in our places of entertainment ?? HELPPPPP !!! Stop the World ,,, A waant aff .